:tears:Today my friend asked me if I was gay. she was really nice, but very blunt and got straight to the point. I immediantly without much thought said firmly "no" and that was the end of it, well later on I asked what made her want to ask me if I was gay and she said that her and my other friend where on the topic of me and he told her that he thinks i'm gay and asked her to ask me. The thing that makes me believe I lost a friend is that he has had less and less to do with me and has barley said one word to me, so I assume it is because he thinks I am gay, even though this is the first time my sexuality has been called into question by someone(I don't act very steriotypically gay) and this is filling me with such conflicting emotions.I mean i'm mad he didn't come ask his self, sad he is being such a dick(I just got over a huge crush on him) to me when I have done nothing at all to him,and most of all is that I kind of feel like i'm a bad wrong doer and a liar for saying I wasn't gay. I just don't what to do regarding the future if things continue this way?
i would text him this we need to talk and then ask him why he did not ask personally and then ask would he hate you for being gay if your where though we both know we are so try that and go from there mabie this will help
I was considering doing this at school on monday(only time I see him), giving myself the weekend to get my emotions and what I will say together so I don't make a mess of things, but there is a difference between saying and doing and I am a chicken when it comes to such emotional things such as this, especially those regarding my sexuality and I worry this could turn out badly, especially if he is a hateful homophobe, ending with me being ripped out of the closet before my time and left bare to the world, completly open for judgement and alienation and I don't I could deal with such stress and pain.
Be brave cause you r who you r and you are the only one who competely knows what you feel like so whit this in mind i would try to text him asap and ask him does he hate gay people and if yes stay closeted around him i mean armored safe closeted around him i rally wish you the best good luck hope you win the pokemon battle wink wink
Well the first thing that popped into my mind is that he was actually interested in you. Guys usually don't ask their friends to find out if someone is gay and then to report back to him. He could be speaking to you less because he could think that you are the homophobic one, or that you are straight and therefor not the time. I would talk to him about it. Ask him what if you were gay? Would that change his opinion of you? If so,ditch him, because he is not worth the effort.
exactly what i think i think you shoult try it but if it does armord closet only around him so that you dont loose a friend:]
Hi jp97, From the sounds of it, your friend is not a good friend at all. The best thing to do, is go your separate ways. Because when it comes to everyone's sexuality, it's none of anyone's business, but your own and being seventeen, you both are thinking about colleges and moving on to better things for yourselves. The other factor is, you are seventeen and got your life ahead of you, when it comes to coming out do it when you feel ready to, I don't mean to suppress it that is the last thing I am saying. When you leave high school to go to school/college/university or whatever you decide to do, to discover yourself as an individual rather then doing everything at high school. I completely understand how high school can be like a contest of who can develop the most confidence or be the most popular in the quickest amount of time. That is not what life is about, it's about being happy in yourself regardless of anyone else, as long as your not being d-bag to anyone else, then what is there to be worried about. As long as you have a supportive group of family and close friends around you, then everyone else doesn't matter. If you haven't come out and you feel not ready to, I'm sure you might know this or not, come out when you feel ready, established and settled. As I said earlier, I'm not saying supress it, but live for what makes you happy in the long run. Because if you encounter someone who is being negative towards you, you have a network of supportive family and friends to fall back on. The one thing I have noticed is, as you get older you will be constantly coming out to people that come in your life and not only that your family have to 'come out' as well, not because they have are gay (lol) but they will say that they have a son that is gay, I'm sure they will mean it in a supporting and loving way. So, coming back to this friend of yours. If you feel you have lost that friend, let the situation die down or cool off. If they don't come back to you, then they are not a 'true friend' because you will find more friends that will appreciate you for who YOU! are, rather then just for your sexuality.
I am sorry to hear that this happened to you. I wish I could assure you that you won't lose friends by being gay and not out yet but I simply can't. I have lost a bunch of people close to me because of my sexual orientation over the years. There have been one primary reason almost every time. One or the other person lies about sexuality and the other person knows it or strongly suspects it. Being in the closet is a tricky situation. Normally it's not a good idea to lie to your friends(especially about big stuff) and it destroys the trust that has formed with the other person. When you are not out though, it creates this catch 22 situation. You shouldn't have to come out until you are ready. It comes down to trust. Before I came out I lost a lot of people for that simple reason. I was not ready to talk about it, so I lied. People would ease away because I couldn't be honest about it, leaving them feeling like they could not trust me. Once I came out, it got a lot better.
I agree with Runner5. It sounds like he may be interested in you. Like Runner5 said, guys don't usually ask their friends to verify other guys' sexuality. He may be distancing himself from you because he feels like he doesn't have a chance with you since you're "straight" so he's going to try and move on. I would definitely talk to him.
That does sound like a plausible reason and would be amazing outcome, since I have always liked him. I would be putting my head on the chopping block and the axe in his hand, but as I read the replies I really believe I should confront him more and more, though should it be alone or in a social setting to avoid him making a scene if his sexuality is called into question?
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss
Whether he likes you or hates you, you need to get this off your chest. I would do it privately, but with other people close at hand.
Reading through the responses, I wouldn't have too much to add that hasn't already been said. I do wish you luck, however. The only thing that I can say is a bit more harsh than I normally would think. So take it as you will. But anyone who would disown you/stop being your friend because of your orientation is no 'friend' that you should ever want around; at least in my opinion. Friends should always accept you for who you are. Anyone who offers less is not worth your time. Take care and I do hope that things sort out. c:
I lost someone who I considered a close friend & who would be perfectly fine with my sexuality. A year later, I realized I'm better off without him. If you lose a friend over your sexuality, there is a problem with them, and they should probably seek help for their homophobia.
so I'm 100% sure i will talk to him about this, but all I need now is some advise on how to actually word it and what to say, I can't be super blunt about it, but don't want to come off as cryptic.
Tell him that there is something that is bothering you and that you would like to speak to him privately for a second. Once you have his attention, ask him why he had a friend ask you about your sexual orientation. Explain to him that regardless of your orientation, your feelings are hurt because it seems like he would stop being your friend over something as insignificant as sexuality. At that point he will have to say something and then you will have your answer.
My first thought was, wow this friend might be into him... I would never have asked about a guys sexuality unless I was interested in the guy. Yes, this sounds like a good approach. Definitely do this in private. Also, you will be loosing touch with many friends over the years, for things less significant then your sexuality. I had one friend who disowned me, because she thought I owed her $35. They weren't real friends if they let something like that get in the way of friendship. True friends will stick by you no matter what. They accept you for who you are, and may want to see you do better, but aren't going to try and change who you are.
