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Friends with benefits

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vashta Nerada, Mar 8, 2015.

  1. Vashta Nerada

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    So more or less a good friend of mine and I had some drunken shenanigans around Christmas time and it's progressed from frequent making out at parties to sober hand holding, cuddling etc. as well as the aforementioned making out and whatnot.
    Now while neither of us consider this (or want it to be considered, for sure on my part anyway) official most of our friends kind of understandably do.
    Thing is it's kind of led to a standard of when we see each other that we'll be coupley or something and when we're not it can be kind of stressful/confusing.
    More or less the advice I'm looking for is, is it worth going with it to see if it develops into something more as time goes on (which I'd be okay with/happy with in the near future) or talking about it now and potentially really messing up what we have now which is really enjoyable but maybe not the best for me?
    Just to clarify we're not in a kind of relationship where we can talk about us as a thing without it being pretty signifigant
     
  2. Runner5

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    I think you know the answer. I think that you should just set some boundaries. Ask him what he wants. Continuing on like this is just going to hurt one of you down the road when one of you develops more feelings for the other. If you want the ball in your court, tell him that you are okay with there being benefits, but if not you need to clarify that now and not later.
     
  3. Spartan 117

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    I think I agree with Runner5. I know it might seem like a risk, but I can't help but think that you'll both be better off knowing where you stand. I think it's inevitable you'll have to have that conversation at some point, as it does sound like this relationship/closeness has been going on for a while. Long enough for your other friends to question it. It shouldn't come as too much of a shock to him, and it might not be as bad as you imagine.
     
  4. kindy14

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    My boyfriend and I just made being together semi-official this past week. I had asked him, "so, what are you doing tonight?" after complaining to him about another guy not showing up, when I took a day off because the other guy wanted to spend all day with me. He proceeded to ask to define our relationship more.

    So we are now dating, non-exclusive. Neither of us really want to be tied down, he's young, and still in school, I'm not even divorced yet. We both like being with each other, and this is the first guy I've had more than just a one night stand/hookup with.

    Setting boundaries helped define what we expect from each other. I can see continuing to see him off and on through college, and then seeing where things go from there. We're going to just make sure we inform each other if we have other sexual partners.

    I don't know how things will work out, but I'm so excited to call him my boyfriend instead of a friend with benefits.

    Trust me, it's better to talk things out and get them resolved, then to sit and stew about it in your own head. If I had to do things over, I'd be so much more open about who I am and what I want.
     
  5. Vashta Nerada

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    Aye I appreciate the responses and you're right in saying I do know the answer, just always very hesitant to make these kind of decisions.
    I'll find out what he expects and wants from this, going to have to sooner or later and I figure sooner will equal less stress whatever the outcome. At least I won't be wondering.
    There's a school prom coming up that we discussed so I'd imagine that may seal the deal
    Wish me luck, knowing our relationship worse case we end up as good friends.
     
  6. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Don't let fear decide your fate...

    Better to be open and honest, then closed and quiet. You'll get real results and relationships by being open and honest.

    Good luck... and love your orientation... "labels are for jars" so true.
     
  7. Vashta Nerada

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    Yup I understand how some would find comfort in a label but it's not for me,
    That's good advice I'll heed too, many thanks
     
  8. robotman

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    Personally I wouldn't engage in a "friends with benefit relationship"... It just doesn't work out well as one of the people involved seems to always develop feelings for the other (this has happened to me before, I felt really liked the guy and I really struggled with it, so I wouldn't get in a situation like this ever again). It might work out for you though and it could actually develop into something more but don't expect that it will. If you are happy being friend's with benefits just stick with it but if you think that you are developing feelings for them, end it. It will be much better for you in the long run, especially if they don't want to settle with one person for now.