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"Not looking lesbian enough" & alienation

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ryan002, Mar 10, 2015.

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  1. ryan002

    ryan002
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So I've started really trying to figure out my sexuality and for a while I thought I was bi, but after meeting this girl, I haven't looked at males the same way. I'm no longer sexually attracted to them at all. I still don't know if that means I'm for sure gay, or if that just means I'm only attracted to her right now.

    However, I'm experiencing a lot of dissonance in relation to how I feel vs. how I'm perceived. I'm very femme and apparently come off as innocent. People don't think I'm gay and second guess me when I say that I am.

    It's frustrating and I feel so alone. I'm 22 and while I have friends of various sexualities, I've never really been involved in the LGBT+ community and like I said, I just feel so alone. It's not like I expected to be welcomed into this magically appearing group, it's more that I'm now realizing how nice it would be to have real life peers to discuss these feelings and frustrations with.

    Sorry if this is just more of a rant, I tried to structure it better, but I'm worn out and frazzled.
     
    #1 ryan002, Mar 10, 2015
  2. Tetra

    Tetra
    Full Member

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    My girlfriend feels this way a lot actually - she's pretty feminine whereas I'm more masculine. She says that she wished it was easier for people to know her sexuality by looking at her instead of her having to bring it up, because people always say things like "I never would have guessed" or "but you don't look gay at all!"

    What I always tell her (and I don't know if it'll help you, but I'll say it anyways) is that honestly, it makes ZERO difference. It won't make a difference to who you're dating, and there's absolutely no reason to change yourself to come off as "more gay".

    Everybody is attracted to different types of people, and I know that a LOT of lesbians are super attracted to femme girls rather than more masculine ones (myself included). Don't look at your femininity as a bad thing, but rather something that's a part of you, and it'll just take the right person to truly appreciate it.
     
    #2 Tetra, Mar 10, 2015
  3. ryan002

    ryan002
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Lawrence, KS
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    This is just what I needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you <3
     
    #3 ryan002, Mar 10, 2015
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