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I'm into BDSM and she's vanilla. Please help!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by PlantSoul, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. PlantSoul

    Regular Member

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    I've known her for very long time and we have had feelings for each other for all of that time. I love her to death. I'm convinced that she's my soulmate. The problem is that I'm into BDSM and I have the overwhelmingly feeling that she isn't. I'm honestly a little afraid to ask her if she would be willing to indulge me. She's told me many times that she doesn't want to cause me any form of harm. I don't think she would change her mind, even if tried to explain it to her. I've tried repressing my desires before (not for her) and it made me miserable.

    This isn't fair. We are perfect for each other in every other way. I don't know what to do. I would at least want to try asking her for her blessing so, I could go see a dominatrix. But, I don't know how to approach the subject.

    - Thanks!
     
  2. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    Perhaps approach the subject in a place where you're both comfortable? Or maybe over a quiet dinner to set the atmosphere? When it comes to things like this, it's best to really put your cards on the table. Start off by broaching the subject on her sexual boundaries, turn-ons, turn-offs, etc to get an understanding of what she prefers (it's always good to refresh your memory anyhow). And then in turn, explain yours. Be sure to explain it calmly and in detail.

    Most partners are willing to listen and are non-judgemental when it comes to their SO's preferences. If you truly want to make this relationship work (and it seems like you do), then you have to be open with your partner. Clear the air, my friend and if she's not into it then work out together your alternatives.

    Best of luck!
     
  3. sweetfemme90

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYxd3E3UXU

    This is a youtube video by Sexplanation's Dr. Lindsey Doe. She is a clinical sexologist who does weekly youtube videos. The one I sent you is an excellent video that has worked for me in the past. It consists of creating a 'want/will/won't' list with you and your partner to discover your interests and boundaries.

    Being someone who is into BDSM I am almost seeing someone now who happens to be more vanilla. She has not had many sexual experiences so some BDSM activities are off limits. I try to emphasize on what we can do within our comfort zone. For example I like the feeling of wearing cuffs and she does not care for it. So the way to handle that is I can wear cuffs when I want to and it will enhance my experience, and if she does not wish to wear cuffs then that is okay because my arousal state is not affected whether or not she wears cuffs.

    That's the best I can offer. I hope it helped to some degree :slight_smile:
     
  4. PlantSoul

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    Thank you!

    ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2015 at 11:45 PM ----------

    Thanks!