I'm an FTM that identifies as a gay-leaning asexual male. I generally don't find myself attracted to people in general, but I have occasionally found men attractive, once in a blue moon. I have a friend, I posted about her the other day, that's an MTF individual. She admitted to having a crush on me, and I don't want to go into too much detail, but it sort of caught me off-guard. Here's what I didn't mention in the other thread. We had been hanging out all weekend before she told me, and I kept getting these thoughts...I just wanted to cuddle, even kiss her, and I was so tempted to hold her hand more than once...I ended up telling her, and since then we've been flirting pretty freely with each other. We haven't made anything official of it yet. I'm just so scared of relationships. I'm always afraid I'd just be ruining a perfectly good platonic relationship if I tried to make anything romantic of it. This is the closest I've felt to anyone in a long time, and I'm terrified. She's just so cute, I can't help it, I don't want to let go when I hold her. I don't want to let go at all, I would hate to risk losing her. Am I just a cynic? Is it weird that I find this woman attractive where I've never really felt this way about a woman before? Should I stop while I'm ahead?
I don't think it's even remotely weird. I understand the fear that you harbor, but you see, this fear won't go away by itself, and the best it can do is keeping you wondering what if. Are you someone who can deal with that? It's your choice, regardless of what anyone on this thread says, but I still would like to encourage you to think about it a little more. Maybe give it a little more time to see what happens to your feelings. Do they grow stronger or weaker? Can you envision something with her? Will you be happy with her? What are you hoping to achieve by getting into a relationship with her? What are you hoping to achieve by not getting in a relationship with her? Things like that. Know that, even if things don't work out, people do end up being friends with their ex. If you two are good friends, it's highly unlikely that you will ruin any friendship that you have, and if you do, you're probably too hard on yourself and are just imagining it.
I think you are concerning yourself too much with labels. This person makes you happy. You make her happy. Therefore you should give it a go.
I'm not sure how long term I can see this being. She's desperate to move, but then, so am I, and with money so tight, it seems like it's a while off anyway, for either of us. We're both hoping to go somewhere with broader career opportunities, and we both have arts backgrounds. If things work out, I would love to travel with her somewhere new. I've considered moving with friends before, both romantic and platonic. I like to think I'd be happy with her. I'm happy with her right now. Being around her just feels great. She makes me feel alive and present, two things I rarely feel any more. I'd hope by getting into a relationship with her she'd be happy. She's been presenting more feminine since we've started going places together, and she seems so light-hearted and comfortable lately. But I guess more specific relationship stuff...I don't know, I just want to do cute romantic stuff sometimes, and I'd really like to do romantic things with her, like bring her flowers and cuddle and go on dates. The stupid stuff, I want to do that with someone, and I never really have before. Most of what I want out of a relationship honestly is stuff I could do with her regardless of whether we're romantic or not, but she really likes me, and I really like her. But by not getting into a relationship, I guess...I'd just be looking to prolong our friendship. I have this perpetual worry that I'll do something wrong or we'll just drift away or whatever and that will be that. I have that worry with every relationship I've had or considered having. I would hate to fuck up and hurt her somehow, or get hurt myself, or even just lose interest. I hate endings, so I prevent the beginnings. ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2015 at 10:47 PM ---------- I don't think I'm super hung up with them myself. I just came to label my sexuality in one way from my past experiences, and this sort of rocks the boat a bit, and I wasn't sure if that was weird. I've always figured if someone came along that I was really into, and they didn't fit into my pattern of previous interests, I'd give it a go. This is the first time it's happened. And I'm definitely considering giving this a go, if I can stop being so afraid of romance.
I know what you mean, but it really is your call. The biggest thing I'd ask yourself is if having a 'what if?' is better than the alternative. Is it, to you? Or is the risk worth it? Remember that nothing is really set in stone. If you make a 'mistake', whether it really is one or not, you can make up for it. You can change it. Or, you can view it differently. It's just how you decide to take it. Have you tried talking about this to her? It may sound like a bad idea, but she may reassure you and help you come to a better conclusion. This does, after all, involve you both.
After realising that we've spent long days together, have been making plans to go on day trips together, have taken naps together...basically, we're dating without any official terms. She's called me her SO at work. I've referred to her as my girlfriend and my date mate. Once that came out in the open...well, basically, we're dating. But we're still talking a lot of things through and exploring our boundaries. I'm nervous, but happy.
