I was raised in a super religious, sheltered home. I'm a Christian myself, but I'm not over the top religious. I was raised to believe that all homosexuals will go to hell, yet here I am.. A lesbian. I was married to a man for 10 years (long story but I was terrified to come out and cared way too much of what my family thought about me) so here I am, nearly 36 years old, a mother of 2 and living with my partner, a woman. My fiance "looks" gay while I can easily pass as straight, I'm more on the femme side. Before my partner and I moved in together, I lived with my parents, because I was trying to get on my feet. When my dad first saw my girlfriend he had a shocked look, a judgmental look of disgust on his face and acted stand off ish and unfriendly towards her, made comments like "she looks like a freak, like a dyke" , which totally hurt my feelings. At first I told my parents we were just friends, but they knew something was up, it was obvious we were more than friends, we spent every spare moment together. After coming home from work one night, I went into my room, and laying on my bed were printed out Bible verses, all relating to homosexuality.."clobber passages" so to speak. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to leave so bad, plus it was hard living an hour away from my GF, so last summer as soon as my kids got out of school, we moved in together. My GF asked me to marry her last weekend and I said yes! We're very happy. I've only seen my parents twice since last June, because there's a distance now. They begged me not to move in with her, and when I asked what their problem was, their replies were "people will make fun of your kids for their mom living with a lesbian" and "its not smart of you" and "your lifestyle is sending you to hell" truth is, my kids are very happy and consider my fiance their other mom and have fully accepted that they have 2 moms and are happy we're getting married, and they're only 10 and 6! I'm so proud of my children and feel like I've raised them right, that they're not close minded and know I'm gay and don't even care. My problem is that I miss my family and still do care about their opinion of me, but not enough to live a lie (a hetero lifestyle) just to please them. In their minds, I'm sinning badly and hell bound, and I KNOW they'll never, ever change their minds and accept me being a lesbian or my partner into the family. So as we plan our wedding, I'm not even going to invite them. Overall they act like she doesn't even exist, they never ask how she is when they call, didn't want her over for the holidays, recently invited just me and my kids on a summer vacation with them, but never mentioned her. I just feel guilt for disappointing my parents and know our relationship will never be the same since I came out and it makes me sad. Any advice??
I'm really sorry your parents selected those verses to make you feel bad. Referring to your partner as a "freak" and "dyke" seems to miss the point of a few passages that I know. I would advise you to carry on as you are and prove your parents wrong. You have a stable, loving relationship and you are providing a good home for two healthy, well adjusted children. All of your parents hyperbole has so far come to nought. I'm sure it's hard for you, but let's get one thing clear, you have nothing to feel guilty about. The distance in your relationship and any disappointment they feel is down to their own narrow religious/world view and you can do nothing to change that. Only they can change their mindset and if they have any sense they will take steps to do just that. Carry on planning your wedding and make sure it's a fabulous day with no regrets.
