My gf and I have been together a year, we live together. We have 2 kids (from my previous relationship) and we're engaged. Here lately I've been pretty unhappy in the relationship but I love her very much. She suffers from PTSD, and depression and sometimes it gets bad. She had a job when we met but is currently unemployed and has been for the past 6 months. I work full time, get up at 4:30 AM, and work 4 straight 10 hour days and get exhausted. She sleeps all day, and most of the time when I get home from work around 3 PM she's still in bed, meanwhile the house needs cleaning, dogs need fed, laundry needs doing, etc. Half the time she helps but half the time, I get home from work and end up doing it myself. I do find comfort by taking an hour long hot bath. The issue is, she blames her lack of helping out and sleeping too much on her depression and even gets upset at me for taking too long of a bath. I don't really sit down much once I'm home, with having to cook dinner, do laundry, etc. She has been job hunting quite a bit and does want a job, so she's not taking total advantage that I'm the only one working, and she does help with the kids too. She has no sex drive either and blames it on her depression and medication side affects. We've only been together one yr and the sex and intimacy is almost non existent, we've only had sex once in the past 7 weeks. She complains that I bug her too much over not getting enough affection and intimacy. I can't help it, there's such a disconnect between us lately. I'm no saint and can get grumpy at times but this is hard to deal with, and yet she calls me the selfish one, and says I make "everything about me" and "don't listen or understand how it feels to be in her shoes". I've tried, I do everything I can to try and make her life easier and better on her. What do you think?? Please lend me an opinion... Thanks!
wow this sounds tough. i'd really like to help with this, as i see a lot of similarities with my own situation. i think its a really good thing that she is positive about getting a job. i think -as long as she is ready- that this could possibly solve quite a few problems..... depression is really tough!!, - it makes you want to stay in bed, - it tells you you're not good enough, - and it makes you reject affection & intimacy. ....but if your gf has the regular commitment of a job then she instantly has something to get up for, to get dressed for and to feel good about herself for doing. and if she feels better about herself then maybe the other things start falling into place? be helpful and encouraging in helping her find a job. it would also be a perfect distraction from the repetitive negative patterns of thinking that sustain depression. Accept help from elsewhere if you find its all getting a bit much (which would be understandable if ur working all those hours and then have all the chores to do on top!).... i do things like bung food in a slow cooker so that no-one has to worry about the evening meal, i give laundry away to my mum when i see her, perhaps the kids can walk the dog? i do really feel for you and hope your situation improves
