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Came out to my mom recently but I'm feeling worse

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Runawayjet, Mar 16, 2015.

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  1. Runawayjet

    Runawayjet
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    My mom would always ask if I'm gay because I don't talk about boys that I like around her I don't talk like that with any of my family just my friends that's just how I am. I know 100% I'm bi I've known for 3 years. It was My senior year of high school last period class this one girl who sat in front me . She was so cute .. Ok I will be honest here she was hot ! And at first I brushed it off and acted like the feelings weren't there .i started dressing nice hopping she would notice me . She was so smart and I loved when she would speak and voice her opinion .. But i was getting tired of going to the bathroom to cry because I was so confused at what was going on and so scared . Anyway I came out to my mom wile in Burger King one night she forced it out of me (a few months ago) now today she finally brought it up again and when she says how do u know your gay I smile and say I just do . She thinks I'm hiding something from her that I kissed a girl or hooked up with one . But I never did .. And it got me so angry today that I just cried and she was mean about it and said stop crying that I'm making her feel bad cause she's been so accepting of this . She also thinks my best friend influenced me and that we hooked up (she's bi too) never happened that's gross ..so she basically thinks I was influenced and that I won't know till I have a experience I just need advice from other people how to Handel this because she keeps thinking I'm unsure .. I'm 22 btw thank u :wink:
     
    #1 Runawayjet, Mar 16, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2015
  2. heanic

    heanic
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    Its sometimes hard for our family members to understand how we feel and what we mean because everything is so black and white to them but not to us. Dont let this affect you, you know your own mind with or without certain experiences. You've done the hard part admitting your bi to your mom..the rest is for her to process in time :slight_smile:
     
    #2 heanic, Mar 17, 2015
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    It can be incredibly hard when family members question us about our sexuality, especially if we feel unprepared for it all, but we really do need to expect some questions and be prepared to answer them. In most cases the questions are not loaded with cruelty or malice, but they are asked in an effort to understand.

    It's also important to understand that our parents, family and friends may lack awareness of same sex attraction, so they might ask awkward questions or make silly statements out of ignorance. Try to remember that it's not necessarily an attack on you. It may come across as clumsy and it may even be annoying, but try not to show irritation or anger at the questions or comments, but make an effort to be open and honest about everything (within reason). If you get angry and upset it could lead your mom to believe that you are unhappy with your sexuality, so try to take a deep breath and set the right tone.

    It's not easy - it's all part of the coming out process and very few of us on EC will tell you it's a breeze, but it can be made easier if you approach it in the right way.

    Your mom might understand a little more if she has a look at PFLAG's website: PFLAG National
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Mar 17, 2015
  4. Runawayjet

    Runawayjet
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    Thank you both for your advice .. :icon_bigg I do realize my mom is having a hard time with this as well so I Need to not get so angry at her .. She also outed me to a few family members /friends I'm not supposed to know .. I guess she needed someone to talk to about it . . But I'm gonna tell her to take a look at pflag maybe it will help her understand it all
     
    #4 Runawayjet, Mar 19, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2015
  5. resu

    resu
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    My mom is also in denial, saying that I am "killing her", but you need to just realize homophobia is the actual lifestyle choice. She wasn't born hating any sexuality. Though, you should ask her why she was always asking your sexuality if she didn't want an honest answer.

    Also, you might consider getting her to go to a PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) group meeting, especially since your in New York. The main thing is to continue coming out to those you trust and living your life as you want it. Don't let your mom get to you; she just thinks she can somehow "save" you from this "decision". Try turning the tables and asking her how she can prove she is straight and not in fact gay/bi. A lot of heterosexuals think that sexuality can change only when they're talking about other sexualities; they never seriously think about how they knew they were straight. The only relatable thing that I can think of is if someone was brought up to think they were white (=privileged race) but in fact they were black (=unpriviliged).

    One of my friends, who's family were evangelicals, only came out to her mom once she had a girlfriend. It's a lot harder to deny this is just a phase.
     
    #5 resu, Mar 19, 2015
  6. Runawayjet

    Runawayjet
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    Sorry that your mom thinks that.. .. I did say to her the other day "when did you realize you like men?" She didn't answer so i then said " you didn't you just knew " and I don't know if she would even go to a support group. I would love if she did .. Weird thing is my mom had a friend who was a lesbian .. She was really "butch" .. She considered her friend a daughter . They don't see eachother Any more . But my mom was sort of ok with . We used to go to her house and she was married with kids. So of course my mom thought that influenced me as well. Lol.. I am feeling a lot better though thanks for the reply . I only have two friends I talk to who are gay and I didn't wanna keep bothering them with my crap lol
     
    #6 Runawayjet, Mar 20, 2015
  7. resu

    resu
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    Some people just have a "I'll believe it when I see it" approach to things, as illogical as that is. Emptyclosets is a great place for making more LGBT friends. Here no one thinks you're weird for complaining or asking for advice.

    I have a few real LGBT friends, but like you said, sometimes you feel like you are bothering them, and I have been burned by some people who just weren't there when I really could needed them. I guess the problem is that sexuality has very little to do with personality; being LGBT does not make you inherently better, let alone a good advice giver.
     
    #7 resu, Mar 20, 2015
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