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tell me if this is a dumb idea

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by stumble along, Mar 17, 2015.

  1. stumble along

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    So where to start, not the fact I'm getting some serious de ja vu.

    umm, ok, so middle of last spring I hooked up with a guy, had a fun night, stayed all chatty with him. Summer comes and I go home, find a fuck buddy nearby, come middle of summer he was getting feelings and so on mostly grounds of not wanting to lose a friend and I guess testing the waters in a relationship I caved and we became bfs. Come this past fall I leave for another country, break up with him, cut him off completely at the advice of some (at that point) friends. Tried to reconnect after I got back home, too soon. But now it looks like he's ready to hang out and not heavily bring up what happened in the past because I'm sure we've beaten that horse into another dimension at this point haha.

    Thing is, his messages are sounding like he's cool and he's over me ( remember that other guy I messed with in the beginning? Now we're kind of fuck buddies, and my ex has a new romantic interest as well) but I got a snap from him while he was getting his weekly massage (back problems) and it blatantly shows his butt... so... idk.

    Unfortunately I have some business with him I need to attend to, but as far as things go I'm not going to go too much into things because he can be extremely manipulative, we're meeting up either this Wednesday or Thursday, so we'll see.

    Any advice on how to deal with meeting up with your ex for the first time since you both broke up?
     
  2. Cesar123

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    You have to assume he is over you - that picture does not necessarily mean he wants you. Please refrain yourself from having physical contact or intimacy as he does have another romantic interest ( and it could be damaging to your relationship with him if you continue this now ). Just talk casual. You are his ex and you did kinda hurt him by cutting off contact the way you did, so expect him to "act" over you.
     
  3. stumble along

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    I'm going in on the assumption that while everything may or may not be fine, he's at least gotten over me. The picture is still annoying though, body positivity aside I think in general you really shouldn't be sending nudes to an ex.

    and yeah, it was a pretty harsh way to end things, granted it was my first time but I tried everything and after about a week of trying to get it through his head I was done I gave up and just blocked him off everything.

    Looks like things are happening tomorrow which sucks, my best friend is in town and I want to hang out with them but I really need to get this over and done with.
     
  4. resu

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    It takes two to tango. You are also getting benefits out of this situation, even if you say your ex is extremely manipulative. Tell him what you told us: not to be sending nudes to an ex (especially if he really is interested in someone else without their knowledge). Honesty is the best policy. Tell him what you want. Let him tell what he wants. Try to find a mutually agreeable situation or walk away.
     
  5. stumble along

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    Yeah the benefits are I get my stuff back and I get to pet his dogs lol, half joking aside I'm assuming the benefit here is retaining some forms of friendship. Don't get me wrong that's good, but actual hangouts like this will be hard to pull off in the future due to you know, life, higher priorities like work.

    Should I mention the nude though? My phone broke and for 2 to 3 weeks I didn't have access to snapchat, so it could have been recent or super old, and I just know that mentioning it is going to start something and I really don't want to deal with it. At least not yet, if he sends another one I'll Crack down though.
     
  6. Cesar123

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    No. It's kinda to late to mention it. Next time it happens I would call him out on it.
     
  7. AAASAS

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    I'm friends with my ex, and we talk a lot, and try to hang out if its do able.

    If you guys both have mutual respect for eachother their shouldn't be a problem, obviously sending nudes is no good, but you shouldn't avoid it if you guys still wanna be fuck buddies.

    I think it's very possible to have a relationship with someone that is platonic with some mutual attraction for eachother. You guys just need to be honest with eachother about everything so one isn't playing the other.

    I've been played before, and it pissed me off beyond belief. Nobody has time for shady bullshit.
     
  8. stumble along

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    Ok.... so we hung out, in general it was pretty good, in my opinion he was a little quiet and due to his new roommate being annoying (apparently) we hung out mostly in his room.

    The only thing that annoyed me was how he suggested we play strip magic (ok we're nerds and we play a lot of magic the gathering) and offer me alcohol when it was supposed to be just, hanging out. Idk, after I got home we talked and he was under the impression we could still mess around ( his romantic interest may or may not pan out, they go to a college in another state and they may either transfer to a school even farther away or one in Georgia)

    I replied saying that, yes, technically we can mess around, BUT I personally wasn't in the mood, and I thought, maybe we should take this slow considering a lot of stuff happened and this isn't a usual situation kind of thing. Also throughout the night he would say something like "I spend less money now you broke up with me" "you're only here to get your stuff" and " you're special/compliment" that just irked me a little, I defended myself a little or jokingly side with with him, just to keep things a little light hearted first time coming around.

    did I handle it ok?
     
  9. resu

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    Seems good enough to me. You should do whatever you feel is comfortable for you.