Hey everyone A little while ago I came out to my closest friends at a sleepover (everyone was so supportive, which I am incredibly grateful for) and a few hours later, one of my friends said she 'kind of... Maybe... Might... Have the same kind of feelings as Meatballs.' We talked about it and she quickly explained that since she was a Muslim she would never act on it and would marry a guy, etc. The problem is lately we've been noticing her acting a bit stranger than usual. Not sleeping, staring off into the distance, neglecting schoolwork. Last year she admitted she had suicidal thoughts at one point. Today she carried around a stress ball to stop herself from scratching herself until she bleeds. (She told us that) We're all really concerned and she barely talks about stuff like that. What can I do to help? Idk if it has anything to do with the whole gay / religion / being disowned if family finds out thing, I just put that in anyway. Please reply!
Give her permission to talk about things and listen and respond to what she is telling you. She needs to know that it's okay to tell you how she feels. It may sound strange, considering she is a friend, but sometimes it can be difficult to talk about dark or painful feelings, especially things like scratching or suicide. If you ask how she is feeling though, you are inviting her to talk and that may be enough for her to open up. Don't wait for her to come to you and don't be afraid to mention the difference you have noticed in her mood. You can say it in a way that isn't challenging or confrontational. Reassure her, ask questions to show that you care and if you are really concerned seek guidance and support. Most important - don't take too much on yourself.
And please reassure her that you respect her family situation and will keep anything she tells you confidential unless/until she tells you otherwise.
My parents are from India and are Catholic, so I can share your friends fears. A lot of Muslims feel a duty to get a straight marriage; being single is largely discouraged, and being gay is a thousand times worse. Unfortunately, this isn't something you can deal with on your own. I think you should suggest she talk to a mental health counselor who understands LGBT issues. That would be very helpful and also confidential. Maybe she could say it's just school stress so her family isn't too suspicious. Unfortunately, they may have religious and cultural stigmas against seeking counseling, but her health his more important. The only long term solution for her (unless her family are very tolerant and liberal) is to try to get financially and physically independent ASAP. Since you are teenagers, this will take a while, but being in Australia will help. I know almost all of my LGBT friends from grade school only came out in college/university.
Thankyou everyone! It's really difficult to watch her go through this and not know what to do. She's doing some volunteer work at the moment, to put on her resume, so that's good. I'll try talking to her on Monday. Nobody has mentioned anything since the sleepover, expect my friends have started saying 'partners,' but that might not even be the reason. Thanks again.
