Not sure if this is the right section, but I started to thinking about my previous crushes on girls. (I don't even know if they were crushes tbh). Have you ever tried to convince yourself that your feelings for the opposite sex were not real? I find this back and forth shit quit irritating and I wish I had feelings for guys and then all of this confusion would end. At the moment, I'm just telling myself that maybe I haven't found the right guy, you know? At work I like a girl because she looks cute and has a great personality, but asking her out is scary and I don't know why. And at the moment I will have sex with older men and older men only, so there's that. Maybe I'll eventually develop feelings for guys? I've considfered the bi label but I don't like it. It doesn't fit me.
In the LGBT community is is fairly common for people to adopt a label and deny any feelings that fall outside of that label. This is not necessarily the best, but it is what happens. IIRC the Kinsey studies showed that not only is sexuality a spectrum but that only ~10% actually fall at either extreme. This means that 90% of people fall somewhere in between. More recent information has shown that sexuality is in fact fluid (more so for some than others). The fact that you notice potential feelings for more than one sex just means that you are probably in the majority of people who don't fall into one extreme. As far as labels, If a certain label doesn't feel right then don't adopt that label. While I identify as a gay male, I have had feelings for women but they were not the same as what I feel for men. The current variety of labels is ever expanding and if you don't find one that fits then don't use it. Most people pick the label that fits the best. It is not a box that you must stay in, but one that you try and say I think this fits. If you pick one label and find it doesn't quite work for you, then change it. If you just don't find one then don't use one. No one label is meant to describe you in your entirety. If you are still unsure of how you feel just take time to figure it out. Not everyone innately knows their sexuality by some arbitrary point.
Like you I've had sex with older men because I was too afraid of girls to ask them out. Something my self-esteem makes worse. I was too afraid to ask guys out cause I'm not out and don't want to be known as the "gay loner creep"(my view of myself).. Use whatever label you want, but don't let it control you. Labels are worth nothing without a person using it giving it meaning. I've only been with guys, but with girls there is a stronger emotional attachment. I don't think of them in terms of her boobs or butt, but her personality and smile, her voice, and how shy she is. Shy girls always draw me in lol..In that way I don't think like a straight guy I guess, but they are beautiful to me nonetheless. Screw the labels.
