my story is kinda long and I just really need someone to talks to. All my life I've just wanted to make people happy and be happy. I realized I was different when I was like 7. I am a very strong person and I'm very smart And I have a natural ability to bring people together, I love people, even though people are pretty horrible. I am very masculine I don't scream I'm bi actually you wouldn't even suspect it until you actually get to know me. I've never really been in a relationship I'm 20 years old. I feel more alone than anything. I have a great personality people seem to like me a lot, I can make friends fast and get close to people rather quickly. When I was younger I kinda shows signs that I was a little feminine. But I quickly fix that. During high school. I played football and I was very good I got Many scholarship offers my senior year. But all while in high school I dated no one. And people talked about me a lot and made fun of me. Everyday I attended a school were people talked a lot of shit about me. But the weirdest was people actually talked to me a lot and made me believe they actually were my friends but so many people talk crap about me it isn't funny, and they would laugh and talk with me later it was sick. I decline all my scholarships because in my senior year. Someone on our football team made up a rumor that I did something with another guy on the team, and I've never been so hurt and embarrassed in my life. I really wanted to die. So I started hanging out with some other people That went to another school district, and I got to be great friends with them. When I was 17 I was friends with a kid that was 15. He was a cute Italian a real ladies man. Well we bacame very close. We would hold hands I would play with his hair I cuddle him. We talked on the phone a lot. And his parents kinda started to notice. I did nothing sexual with him. It just felt good to be loved. To not be alone especially with a beautiful kid like him. He was my person, I loved him very much. Until his parents pulled the plug and stop letting me come around. My heart broke I finally had a person and he was taken from me. All I wanted was somebody. So a year later I became friends with another boy name Ayden we literally started of as nothing just hanging out when mutual friends did. It eventually turned into a friendship. I really started to care about the kid. I was 19 and he was 17. He is a very hard person to read. But we got closer and closer until the point we hung out almost everyday. For like 4 months. It was amazing. Then I started to fall for him. When that happen I tried to kinda push him away. But he didn't let me and that just made me like him more. Then I told him that I was bi and that I liked him. And he literally just said ok. And went back to doing what he was doing. He was very weird about it all. After telling him about everything it seem like he got closer and more scared and started being weird. After awhile I couldn't help being around him. I was literally in love with him. And he gave me almost nothing but every once in awhile he would do something to bring me back in to my fantasy. It sucked. I pushed him to far and he stop talking to me. And I miss him more than anything all my friends are striaght. I have no one to talk to. I fell more alone than anyone will ever understand. I lay in bed at night and wish that Ayden was there to just cuddle and make me feel loved. But he won't even answer a text message from me. I cry all the time. I'm such a good person I'm pretty good looking. But being gay/bi sucks. I have no one to vent to or ask for advice if I did I would probably still have my bestfriend. People here on this forum please talk to me I need advice on everything I've made so many mistakes, I have nothing left. I'm almost feel like giving up.
You are 20, and you've got a long way to go. I've fallen in love with only one person is my life and I know it can be tough. Please don't give up. Surround yourself with what makes you happy and push out the negative. What makes you happy in life that you have access too? That's what you have to ask yourself. I might not know you but I love you just like anyone should and I'm sorry you've been through hell and back for no good reason. Never give up. Please.
Hey man i feel your pain im 22 now but when i was in 5th grade i had a relationship with this peurtorican kid for a year hung out everyday and we always had sex everynight but it wasnt just for that we really loved eachother we would cuddle and talk about real stuff for as young as we were but we acted alot older we were real mature for our age at the time. we would take showers together right before school even if we didnt sleep over each others house he would come to mine in the morning or i would come to his. We always kept eachother happy we were 2 kids that loved eachother so much. We didnt act gay though we always hid it we were always affraid if people found out they would look down on us , one night his grandmother caught us in the shower together and she called his mom when she was at work it was crazy, his grandmother lived upstairs in a diff apt our mothers were cnas so they would work late at night so if his mom was at work we would sleep over his and if my mom was at work we would be at mine. Once his mom thought we were fooling around they picked up and moved 45 mins away and i never heard from him again. It was weird though in the begenning because we both thought of eachother as straight and one night he came on to me it was the best feeling in the world . i still think about what we could have had if we stayed together all the time because we had a great relation ship at such a young age it was crazy but so awesome. I miss him to this day and wish i could have something like that happen again. Ive had so many crushes on my friends in school i was one of the popular kids i got along with everyone and so many girls would have crushes on me and i wouldnt bother to date them cuz its not what i was looking for . the only time i usually get with a girl is if im really drunk because its w.e at that point but i rather wake up next to a male friend of mine and have something i really want . everyone i know thinks im straight if you met me you would think im straight as an arrow but its not like that . im depressed all the time because the people i want to come onto maybe straight and rather not loose the friendship but who knows maybe it can turn out good like that kid did to me when i was in 5th grade. I want that again so bad idk what to do . i only had sex with 2 girls and was never in a relationship at all i just had a relationship with that one guy that long ago which was something real we had and it was taken away from both of us . some of my friends thought it was weird they would never really see me with a girl but they never really pressed me about it . one of my best friends i use to go to school with is italian and the last time he had a girlfriend was in 10th grade which only lasted for so long and he got so hurt about it he hasnt been with a chick since and hes someone i wanted to get with since high school so im thinking of someway to go about it ... Idk just stay strong dont give up and dont ruin your life with drugs as a way out im not talking about weed or anything i dont consider that as a drug im talking about the hard stuff . i started getting drunk and using opiates which is not good i just couldnt live with the fact that i havent had a relationship since 5th grade and i want someone to love me and be there for me so i can be there for them and love them to. I recently had to do rehab and such and worked on alot of things about myself and now im just trying to figure out a way to find the relationship im looking for because the relationship i just had with drugs was brought me down but i still look good so i know ill be able to find something just dont know how to go about it yet ...
