Hey, folks. Got a probably cliche question for you. In short: how different is it approaching someone of the same gender from someone of the opposite gender? With the opposite gender, it's typically assumed that the person approaching is looking to flirt and all that. But I'm completely lost as to how to even walk up and start a conversation with a girl, let alone pursue one. It's not just a confidence issue; it's an issue of not knowing a damn thing about how to go about anything. Thus far, all I can do is notice attractive women more and more. I'm out of the house more, you see. I don't want to appear too forward and creepy, and I also have a scowl if I'm not paying attention to my expression. Which might explain why the liquor store guy seems upset with me for seemingly no reason... Anyway, I think I'm rambling. What do you folks do when you're trying to nab a partner? Any advice?
Well, the main problem is you have no idea whether or not they're interested in your gender. And, usually, you can assume they're not. But let's pretend they are. Actually, you should pretend they are -- in most cases, straight girls will either not realize you're flirting with them, or be flattered if they do realize. Whichever it is, you haven't lost anything. I guess I'm not sure which context you're talking about. Is this in a bar, in the street, with complete strangers or acquaintances? In any case, start with a smile, and eye contact. Make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds, then look away. And try not to scowl when you're doing it! As for conversation, well, approaching a stranger for random small talk is hard and can be awkward. But then, I'm not the type to stop someone in the street because I find them attractive; I tend to stick with my circle of acquaintances. What I do when I'm trying to "nab" a partner? Well, usually it's someone specific. I'm not looking for "a partner," I'm just interested in someone specific I know, so I focus on that person, arrange to see them more often, and flirt like hell. Works pretty well.
First paragraph: thanks so much! Rejection is one thing, but any level of less than neutral negative reaction is another. Also, I can be very paranoid and misread cues. Second paragraph: I'm noticing them mainly out and about. Grocery store, coffee shop, that sort of thing. My acquaintances are either straight, or have already rejected me. Or both. Or not my type or age or both.
