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Accidentally flirting but not trying to give the wrong message.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sbdn910, Mar 22, 2015.

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  1. sbdn910

    sbdn910
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    Hey All,

    It has been a while since I have posted here but hell I'll give it a shot.

    I came out of the closet around thanksgiving and have told most of the people who are close to me. I don't broadcast my sexuality in the same way that a straight guy or girl wouldn't feel the need to announce theirs. If someone asks, I am completely honest but I don't feel the need to invite everyone to ask me about such an intimate part of my life.

    While a lot of guys I read about have known that they were gay from a very young age, I did not. I basically always had crushes on girls and never really paid much attention to my guy buddies. At a certain point, I thought I was bisexual but soon realized that my attraction to men was far stronger than to women.
    Here's is my question

    Because I only recently came to terms with my sexuality, I am unable to tell when I am doing something that could be misconstrued as flirting with a guy because I am just used to behaving in a certain way around guys. I went to an LGBT meeting and two guys texted me afterwards because they thought I was flirting with them. I just don't want to be giving off the wrong signals. I wasn't being touchy with them or anything I was just being kind, smiling, and making conversation,

    If someone could please advice me regarding this matter, I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks All!
     
    #1 sbdn910, Mar 22, 2015
  2. Michael

    Michael
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    Hey there, nice to hear from you again.

    Well, your problem has a name. It is called being simply irresistible, and there is no cure for it, only repression, and that does no good.

    There is no rules in love and war, as they say. When you are not interested, you just say so, period. You have no control about how others perceive you, and their own actions are up to them. The more social I am, the more I have to say no thanks or (in case of most men) get lost. I am not changing my ways because I want others to change theirs.

    Do not worry my dear, because being simply irresistible is a very common condition. I am also blessed by it, and I used to think like you, but one day I simply gave up and tried to make the best out of my sickness.

    The other option, to repress or change yourself, can give you more troubles than solutions on the long run. We are not simple creatures, and trying to supress something might have other effects on you that you did not expected.
     
    #2 Michael, Mar 22, 2015
  3. sbdn910

    sbdn910
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    Hahaha will at least you are in tune with what you are and what you are not :slight_smile:

    My problem is that one guy who perceived my kindness as flirting, was upset because he genuinely thought I was reciprocating his advances. I just don't want people to think I'm a tease when I'm totally unaware of the flirting that I am supposedly guilty of. It's not a big deal, but if I could find a way to avoid giving off the wrong vibe, than that would be great
     
    #3 sbdn910, Mar 22, 2015
  4. Jax12

    Jax12
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    That's basically me in a nutshell.

    Except there was that one time where I held a girls hand and I got a boner from. Probably a one in a million thing.
     
    #4 Jax12, Mar 22, 2015
  5. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    The problem is not necessarily on your side. I'm afraid some people are quick to confuse friendliness with flirting (maybe, because they want to be flirted with). It sounds like you attended the LGBT meeting with good intentions and a desire to make friends, but your manner has been taken out of context. This could be more to do with them, than you. Has anybody else put it to you that you are/have been flirting? If they haven't, it's most likely not the case.

    Of course, Michael might be right too. Maybe you are simply irresistible? :slight_smile: Sorry, am I flirting? :lol:
     
    #5 PatrickUK, Mar 23, 2015
  6. sbdn910

    sbdn910
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    @PatrickUK: In addition to this specific incident, on one or two occasions my demeanor has been confused with flirting. Maybe it is other people's perception that I am worrying far too much about. It might just be that because it was a LGBT meetup, people were a lot more sensitive and aware of what could be going on around them.

    Thanks All!
     
    #6 sbdn910, Mar 23, 2015
  7. banana1

    banana1
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    back at University many girls thought that I flirt with them...

    there is a 1% chance that this will hapen

    Idk what to do / what to tell you^^
     
    #7 banana1, Mar 23, 2015
  8. sbdn910

    sbdn910
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    @Banana1 - Even after coming out girls still think I am flirting with them and apparently people can't tell that I am gay so explaining that to girls has been awkward haha
     
    #8 sbdn910, Mar 23, 2015
  9. sporn

    sporn Guest

    I think I have the same problem. Due to anxiety about my sexual orientation I get anxious about guys. I'm scared that I'm accidentally flirting. Especially if I think they're cool.
     
    #9 sporn, Mar 24, 2015
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