The back story - My boyfriend and I have had quite a rough patch the last four weeks. It started around the 28th of February with a trip down to the city (about a hour and a half away). We hadn't been doing super great before that either with a lot of talks about whether or not we're compatible with each other, etc. We went out, had a good time at the bars, and I ended up sleeping in my truck because I had gotten back home before my boyfriend and my good friend did and I didn't have the keys to get in. They slept in the house, and in the morning when I went inside, I found my boyfriend in only his boxers in the same bed as my good friend who's dick was hanging out of his shorts and my boyfriend sleeping half on top of him. Now, with that said, my friend I've known since middle school (I'm 24 now) and I know he's not gay, nor do I believe anything happened. My boyfriend's answer to "did anything happen?" was "No, I don't think so, but I was really drunk." Not exactly the GREATEST answer of all-time (I think along the lines of if it weren't my good straight friend, and it were someone else), and that day I really tried to end the relationship. I drove home, abandoning him in the city, confident that this was finally it, and my friend had to drive him back to work (my friend and I are still on great terms, nor am I mad at him for anything). We sort-of made amends after a two hour phone conversation, but it was nothing like anything we've been through before. I had left the city, determined that this was the end of our relationship. The only thing that saved it was how upset he got when I finally ended us, how he was going to change, etc. I outright told him that I didn't trust him, and that he was going to have to fight like hell to earn that trust back, which he said in all seriousness that he would do whatever it took. My boyfriend KNOWS how sensitive I am to seeing him like that (with my friend), being that he cheated on me (oral only, had he bottomed for him it would have been an instant end) with my older gay ex-friend about 10 months ago. Weirdly enough, it was mostly the fact that my "friend" was a older guy in his 40s, a total loser with relationships, and a guy who prays specifically on guys like my boyfriend (young, twink-ish, etc.) That was just about the finish of it, his only saving grace was his incredible remorse and how much he hated himself for it. That was the only known incidence of him cheating on me outright, and I like to think we've recovered since then. The next Saturday (7th) I had shelled out $180 for tickets to a really nice gala dinner which I had asked my boyfriend a month ahead of time if he would be able to go. He said he would ask for time off and that he was good to go. I reminded him also a week before it happened, and again he said it would be fine. Then it came down to the night before and I asked him what time I should pick him up from work, and he told me that he couldn't go because he screwed up, didn't read his schedule correctly, and had to work that night. Obviously that really pissed me off. Icing on the cake was his coworker saying he asked him ahead of time about that particular shift that same week because of how brutal it was (12 hours). He was very obviously upset with himself about it, but this is particularly what our problems stem from - his laid-back, don't give-a-shit attitude. Anyways, the deal was that if we were going to stay together, I needed some assurance that he would be confident enough for me to think that if some guy came on to him, that he would be able to say NO. My boyfriend is a total push-over, laid-back guy, and I really like him for that. The flip-side being that I have very little faith in his abilities to stand up for himself. I think along the lines that if I weren't with him all the time going out, that something would happen, and I'd be kicking myself for wasting all this time trying to have faith in his ability to change. I told him it's as simple as showing some initiative with us - making plans to do something (he has a bit recently), saying he was out by himself and some guy hit on him and he pushed him off, anything really. My question I guess is how long should I wait for change? I told him specifically that I don't expect him to change the core of his being for me, and he assured me ten-fold that he doesn't like being so laid-back and that it really isn't him. I haven't felt happy with us in over a month now (we've been together a bit over a year now) and I'm just sorta asking for opinions on how long I should hang out and wait for him to change himself. I know it isn't going to happen overnight, but it's gotta happen sooner rather than later. Also, please don't lecture me on what an asshole he was for cheating, and that I shouldn't have forgiven him and left him outright. I've heard that line way too many times. Reflecting back, if I were in a brand new relationship and it happened again, there is no way I would stay. It was my choice back then to push/work through it. Thanks everyone. Feel free to ask questions.
