It was about 3 years ago I realized I was bisexual and lost my faith. This last summer I finally accepted it all and started telling select people. I've come out to my mom, who I assume has told my dad (my dad and I don't really talk to each other much). Mom was accepting of my sexuality but totally in denial about my faith (or lack thereof). No idea what my dad thinks. Mom and I haven't talked about it since. My hubby told my in-laws too - with my permission of course. It was scary, but good. I couldn't handle the anti-gay sentiments regularly thrown around at their house. My father-in-law is a pastor and his sons (besides my husband) are a youth pastor, a seminary student, and a missionary, respectively. They are like the poster family for Conservative Christians. In my family my brother has been a black sheep heathen for most of his life so at least I'm not trailblazing. I guess my question is how do you handle being around highly religious family members who are sure you're going to hell? So far nobody has brought it up or tried to corner me about it or anything, but there is a tension there now that wasn't there before, even with my family. Is it better to sit down and address it or leave it alone and let it mellow with time? P.S. None of them seem to care much about my bisexuality, which I can only attribute to the fact that I'm in a heterosexual marriage. Firmly planted where I'm "supposed" to be. It'd probably be different if I were single and bringing home a girlfriend.
My half-sister is pretty religious, and I just ignore the issue. She's never brought it up, and nor have I. We aren't SUPER close, but I'm fairly certain she knows I'm gay. I still go and visit and see my nieces/nephews, but I'm sure if I brought it up, she would have something to say about it. That's just my .02 cents. I wouldn't worry about it unless someone confronts you on it.
You don't have to give up your faith if you're bi, religion is full of double standards. Many Servicemen and women are religious, the bible says 'love thy neighbour' not 'light up your neighbour with a .50cal burst from an M2' or 'call on airstrike on thy neighbour'. I don't know why the US is still so religious as it is, weekly church attendance in the UK is now under 25% of the population. Personally I think religion is a waste of space and serves no purpose in the modern era, but is clung onto by people desperate for a metaphor to distract from the fact that life isn't very nice. If god is real, after everything I've been though, he's a bloody sadist.
i wont get into it in an open forum, not now anyway, but i can tell you for a fact that God won't sent you to hell for being Bi.
Hi. I am sorry about your situation. First of all let me tell you your family is wrong about you going to hell for being bi. God created you in his image and makes no mistakes. If your heart believes in God your heart will lead you in the right direction. The bible has been misinterpreted and mistranslated and there are many people ministers and so on who have tirelessly researched this subject and have come to the conclusion you are not going to hell for being who you are. I hope you know how much God loves you and that he'll get you through those tough periods with your family. The way I would deal with your family is this tell them you were created in God's image and that you beleive in all your heart your not going to hell. Your way of life is not up for discussion and you rather they not talk to you than be hostile about it. If your comfortable doing that that is what I would do.
Thank you all for your replies! There were a number of factors in my loss of faith, and my sexuality was just one of those. Suffice it to say it was something very carefully thought out over a long period of time, and done so with gravitas. I'm not worried about going to hell, it's just annoying knowing that my family members think I am. Having been a seriously devout Christian most of my life, I know exactly their lines of reasoning and thinking. It's kind of like a super power! I can read conservative Christian minds. MUAHAHA! So. Being a very non-confrontational person with high anxiety, I would much prefer to never talk about it with the ultra-religious people in my life. But I also want to help them understand. It can make such a difference to have a personal connection. When Hubby told my Father-in-law, he gave him specific instructions not to bring it up with me because I didn't feel ready to address it in a calm and collected way. Knowing my Father-in-law, he would most definitely confront me. Evangelize me. Try to figure out what is "wrong" with me. Etc. I suppose I'll hold my peace for now. At least with my in-laws and my dad. I feel like I could talk to my mom some more. Slowly. And maybe eventually I'll muster up the courage to bring it up with the rest of them.
If they have a very conservative mindset it will be difficult to reason with them and any attempt to do so will most likely lead to the confrontation you are keen to avoid. Sometimes the only thing you can do in these circumstances, is satisfy yourself with the knowledge that they are not keeping to the letter of the "infallible" word of God either. Even your zealous Father-in-Law will be guilty of breaking some Biblical commands to conform to the laws and expectations of society.
OP, my heart goes out to you. I do think that you don't have to give up your faith because you are bi, and I just think there is often a sad pattern for people giving up their faith at the same time they come out of the closet. God can handle every part of us, and His love will continue to work in our lives even when times are tough. We as Christians (and I am one) often do a poor job of communicating the love of Christ to our neighbors, but that doesn't mean we do not care. I think your family loves you very much, OP, and their concern for you is genuine. Think about it. If a person firmly believes in God and believes that Jesus Christ is the way to Heaven, then that person will understandably and even rightly worry about family members who do not have Jesus as their Savior. No one who loves their family would want anybody to go to Hell and miss out on the salvation He offers. Such a mindset makes perfect sense, and it is grounded in love. I think what alarms your parents is perhaps that you have given up on the faith they tried their best to raise you in. They fear for you going through this world without the sustaining force of God to fall back on. Whether bisexuality is a sin or is not a sin is not the most important thing. The most important thing to your family, I would imagine, is that you never lose the awareness of your need for a Savior, who paid the ultimate penalty for all our sins so that we might escape Death and have eternal life in a redeemed world. You, of course, have every right to reject or embrace these scriptural truths, but just be careful not to reject them simply because you are bi. Jesus has not rejected you, dear one. You are still worthy to boldly approach the throne of his Grace because He made it possible. Your family just doesn't want you to miss out on this, and they feel that way because they love you. Just please don't cut off communication with your family. Keep talking to them, and you will all hopefully come to great new insights of each other.
While I thank you for your concern, Zane7, I'm really not interested in being Evangelized. As I said in my previous post, my sexuality was *not* the only reason I gave up my faith. There were many reasons and it was not decided lightly. I have been a much happier and healthier person ever since. I'm glad that Christianity is a boon to you, but it doesn't work for me. I'm also not cutting off communication with either side of my family at all - we just don't talk about faith and sexuality. We have two kids so it'd be next to impossible to cut off communication with the grandparents!
Then I wish you well. Honestly, I do not believe excluding God from our lives will lead to lasting peace and happiness, and I really hope you find what you are looking for. Just know I wish you well and will pray for your wellbeing.
