Hello all, I just felt like sharing that part of the reason why I've stuffed down my homosexuality for so long and forced myself to be with girls is that I really really deep down wanted to have a normal family. I just felt like by being gay I would be sacrificing having kids and that was a sacrifice I just couldn't make. Now that I'm on the road towards accepting my attractions to men, I still feel that I want kids (or at least one kid), whether I end up with a guy or not. I also want a kid of my own flesh and blood. I'm wondering, though, if it's selfish and/or narcissistic to want that when there are lots of kids in the world that are neglected and need homes. Also, is it selfish to deprive a child of his/her natural-born mother? These are the issues I'm struggling with right now. Fortunately, I'm less struggling with my attractions to the same sex at the moment, so that at least is progress.
First, I am happy that you are beginning to accept yourself as you are. You might not be all there yet and it might still take quite a bit of time before you are completely comfortable; but you are making progress and that is what is important. Secondly, the desire to have biologically children is a desire that it shared by many people in the world. You wouldn't question whether it is fair to bring another child into this world if you had gone on to live the standard heterosexual lifestyle. Although it is wonderful that many same-sex partners opt for adoption considering the world that we live in, it doesn't mean that the desire to have biologically children suddenly become less respectable. Each generation will always require its own set of new lives. Lives that certainly don't all need to come from heterosexual partnerships. Surrogacy is an option that many same-sex partners take advantage of. You wouldn't question the right of a single women to go through with a pregnancy without a male counterpart. You shouldn't question your own right. Numerous psychiatric associations have come out supporting children raised by same-sex parents and single parents as equal to that of traditional households. It is the people who are most adamant and passionate about raising children that make the best parental figures. I have no doubt that you have a lot to offer regardless of which route you take. Don't deny yourself and your future children that enjoyment simply because simpleminded people wish to instill fear within you.
I know for a fact that when I am older I will have kids with or without a husband (hopefully with one lol). To get to the point I prefer adoption because those kids already don't have parents, but I would also being willing to get a surrogate mother to get another child that is related to me. I honestly don't see the problem in either situation. As long as you love your child unconditionally and provide them a good happy healthy home they should be fine. I'm sure it will work out and there are a lot of adoption places that allow gay couples or single men to adopt or if you head the surrogate mother route then you could easily do that. You got this!
Wow you guys, those were such nice responses I was practically moved to tears. What a beautiful world we live in to think that I could accept myself for who I am and still realize my dream of being a father. Thanks
My partner and I both want a child. We have an ongoing debate as to whether to adopt or have a biological child. It's amazing to think that we can even have this debate in this day and age!
