So here I am, a senior in high school, just about to start his final marking period of high school...ever...and there's still a part of me that isn't ready to leave all of this behind. I know, it's weird that I don't just want to graduate like every other senior...I feel like I still need time to gather up my memories and experiences. And I no longer have that time. I desperately clinging to friends, hoping that once we go to college, we still will be...even though I know we won't. I literally just got done sending my buddy MS a text saying how much I appreciate that he's been there for me so much over the years. He's been my rock, my shoulder to cry on, we've grown distant, but he's always been there. I've always been able to know that I could count on him when it mattered most. But what about next year? What about when I'm having a mental breakdown and want to talk to him, but he won't want to have anything to do with me? MS just texted me saying he thinks its possible to remain friends after high school...but I'm just lost. I spent all of high school just kind of floating from group to group, never really having a set group of my own, which has kind of become my downfall. I wish I could go back in time, I wish I could find a group, solidify myself into a memory making thing. Now just over two months from graduation I sit around feeling sad and emotional, knowing that some of the people I've become friends with...I'll never speak to again. I just don't want everything to end. At least a part of me doesn't, a rather big part. My closest friends...they'll be gone, they'll find better people to hang out with and be friends with. I'm an introvert, I don't really hang out with people, maybe that'll change in college, but I wish I could go back in time to change my decisions. Is there anyone else who has been feeling like this? Or having any tips on dealing with it all? I could really appreciate some help.
I know how you feel. My friends like to bring up graduation a lot, and I like to joke with them about how a "piece of me dies inside" every time it gets brought up. Obviously it's a bit melodramatic, but it is a big time of change, and I just don't feel ready for it quite yet. I'm going to be moving out, and leaving behind friends, and I just don't want to give up all the time that I thought that I still had to make the most of these years. I mean, yeah, it's not the end of the world, but the days where I get to live at home and not have to worry about any extra responsibilities other than school are coming to a close. I guess the friend matter doesn't help, because the one friend that I had last year who graduated lives 5 minutes away from me, but we never talk. He was like your friend was for you, my rock, and he ended up drifting away once we didn't have school together anymore. He just mentally is in a different place, and it killed me, even though I knew that the friendship was going to die. I remember telling him this, and him making empty promises to me, but I knew. And here we are. Sorry, I think I'm getting a bit rambly, but I get where you're coming from.
Rambly is fine, trust me, I ramble a lot. And thanks for your experience. Sometimes I have little mini panic attacks about the idea of not living at home, I mean that's all I know. I will only be 10-20 minutes at college, but will be living there. I even may have found a roommate, but I'm still so nervous. I just want to relive high school, experience pivotal moments again. I feel like I missed so much by being such an introvert. MS is my rock, and while instead of five minutes away he will be 4 hours away, I am afraid the same will happen as with your friend. Anymore it is hard to get him to text me back. Many times the pretext of a response is school related. How will I be able to get him to talk to me when school isn't factored in anymore? I have no clue.
Yeah, I get it. A while ago one of my friends posted the ending lyrics for Anohana. "I won't forget the end of that summer with you, the dreams for the future, the great hopes. I believe we'll meet again, perhaps in August ten years from now. The best memories... That sudden instant when we met at the crossroads on the way home You called out to me, "Let's walk home together!" I was so happy, it was so fun, and we had so many adventures at our secret base. I won't forget the end of that summer with you, the dreams for the future, the great hopes. I believe we'll meet again, perhaps in August ten years from now. I knew that you shouted "Thank You!" from the bottom of your heart 'til the end, While holding back your tears to say your goodbye with a smile. It's sad isn't it, but those are the best memories..." RIGHT. IN. THE. FEELS. I'm not ready for these people to go away, for my friends to move on with their lives and me with mine. I guess some you stay in touch with longer than others, but it's still not fun to think about. On the other hand, I'll be free to do what I want. When I'm not under my parent's roof I won't have to live by their rules. And while I probably will anyway, freedom is nice.
Wow, quite a bit of that sounds like stuff I would've written. Especially the part about floating from group to group. In fact, the way I described that to my flatmate was that it was like being a free electron zooming between all the metal ions (the groups). But a few thoughts on this: Firstly, if you hooked everyone up to a lie detector and asked them "are you ready to graduate high school?" I think 75+% of them would say no, they're not. You're far from the only one who's worried about the future, and basically everyone's in the same boat- this is the first time they'll be making their own way, and/or living away from their parents. It's the first time they're going to really be recognised as independent adults; the first time they choose the path they take, and not have it spelled out to them or the choice narrowed down. And that brings a lot of uncertainty, which is scary. Just know first of all that you're not the only one. On friends, yes- it's inevitable in most cases that friends will drift away. But firstly, it's not impossible to keep in contact with them- there are a couple of friends from high school who I try to strike up online conversations with and see every holiday. My friend from primary school I still talk to on snapchat and though we've drifted quite a bit, yeah we're still friends. So it won't necessarily be the case that you're left bereft, is what I'm getting at. You just might have to work at it more. As for the prompts for a conversation? If he's going to another college- college! Me and my high school friend talked online about 4 times a week in the first semester of college to swap notes of how we were doing, what kind of shenanigans had been going on in our halls... it's an exciting time in someone's life, and they'll most likely be happy to share it. And even if you do drift away from high school friends, you'll almost certainly find new friends in college! You'll have flatmates, coursemates and societies: all people you already have some common ground with. And with the number of people in college (I really wanna call it uni here), there's bound to be someone on your wavelength. In my example, I met my flatmate last September and at this point I could comfortably call him my best friend. You can get really good friends from college. College, if anything, I'd say provides a better framework for finding friends than highschool does- and as mentioned earlier, everyone starts in pretty much the same place. And it's not just the friends in college either. The increased freedom with your studying, your time management and your interests will not only be more engaging than high school, it's also a good way to find what interests you, what you're good at, what kind of person you are. And that can make your foundations more solid for finding friends who will be good for you. More importantly, it might also help you appreciate your own company more. Best of luck to you, you'll find a way
Last week I got together for a drink with one of my university roommates. We get together whenever we are in the same town. We graduated about 20 years ago. University is a great place to use your experiences from high school to make friends for life.
