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ive isolated myself for a long time.. and now my old friends are inviting me out..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LoveIsTheAnswer, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. LoveIsTheAnswer

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    Hi,

    im 20 years old guy from England and Im 90% sure that I am only attracted to other guys.

    I mean, the truth is i've never really been able to form a close, intimate relationship with girls, but with guys its always been natural.... Only had sex with a girl once and i was nervous, didnt have a clue what to do whatsoever... didnt really go that well...

    And recently in the last few months ive relised im Sexually attracted i am to guys..

    --

    I feel pretty comfortable to being attracted to other guys now. took me a while to get over it, but i did.

    I think like most, for me it was getting over the negative stereotypical connotations that go with being "gay" or "homosexual". i always accepted homosexuality as just a natural thing which happens and just accepted it as part of life that attraction is a fluid thing and the whole "gay is evil" stuff is just part of human oppression which happens everywhere in our history as species... But the thing i always disliked was the really GAY-acting guys, the really over-the-top "hey look at how gay i am". but i think I have come to understand some of that stuff a litte more now...


    ---

    Now, tonight, my mates asking me to go to his for few drinks then "hit the town pubs" with a few of his mates... I do kidna want to go out and get pissed up again but,.. I just dont know what im gonna do when they start talking about girls and stuff... I really wanna just go get messy and have a laugh, but when it cmoes to attractions and stuff, i mainly look around for guys and want to talk with them.... And even worse, what if i am attracted to one of his mates?!? damn..

    I havnt told anyone im gay yet, even though i "realised" just before christmas.

    I did tell my mum and brother that I was having doubts about my sexuality around january, but we didnt really talk about it again after that because i guess i jumped "in the closet" to figure this stuff out internally.

    So, I don't really want to tell my mate Im gay.. mainly because it still feels private at the moment, but what do i do when he talks about girls and stuff to me?

    I dont want to talk about it because it just feels like i keep control of the situation... one of the big things that freaked me out when i realised i was gay, was that I wont be able to have a wife and children, i felt like i lost control of my goals and i was forced to get in a relationship with a guy and never have a complete family... the lack of control felt very real at the time..

    Now, i feel comfortable with myself and take pride in myself as a person again. But, I feel like if people know Im gay, they will start treating me like im different from them... i think this becuase when i knew i was gay, i felt so different from other guys. It felt like other guys had different brains to me, and i would never understand them... but now my sexuality is maturing, i feel the same as other guys again but its like they support one football team and i support another... and when they start talking about theirs, I get kinda jelous im not rootign for that team so i can join the the fun converstations...

    I dunno, any advice? lol

    Im sure most might suggest i just tell people im gay? but i dont really want to yet... I fear i might lose my masculinity?
     
  2. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Re: ive isolated myself for a long time.. and now my old friends are inviting me out.

    I'm pleased that you're more comfortable with your sexuality now. I know figuring things out can take time and be really difficult. :slight_smile: I think everyone here can sympathise with feeling out of control. For what it's worth, it sounds like you've made some huge steps already.

    Now, about your friends. I've been thinking about your worst case scenarios but I do wonder whether your worries are mostly based on your own insecurities. You feel different as a person, but I think the most important thing to remember is that despite having a bit of a 'revelation'- your personality hasn't changed, and neither have your friends. You are still the same people. :slight_smile: Even though your sexuality might be at the forefront of your mind recently, it won't be on theirs - I'm sure they'll just be glad to socialise with you again.

    Just because you've had a bit of an identity crisis recently, doesn't mean you have to have a crisis of confidence. My advice is that if you want to go back out again and hang out, you should. :slight_smile: If you don't want to tell them about your sexuality yet, that's fine. It may mean you have to dodge a few questions, but you've managed up until this point! In the long run though, true friends should accept you for who you are, no matter what.
     
  3. bingostring

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    Re: ive isolated myself for a long time.. and now my old friends are inviting me out.

    This happened to me at your age. In a similar size town as Stevenage too !!
    I began to isolate myself from people and friends because I did not want to be confronted with the questioning and having to pretend to leer at women just to fit in.

    Problem was it got a bit out of hand. The isolation became more extreme.. bringing on social anxiety. And sinking deeper in to the "safety" of a closet.

    I guess its sort of OK at 20 - and maybe a bit longer - but don't leave things like this for too long.

    Have a goal to work out "who YOU are" and what you want in life… then - if your conclusion is that you are gay - damn well kick the f**king closet door off its hinges… That's what I say !