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Caught the blues tonight

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sapphire, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Sometimes, I feel really sad that I never got to have a boyfriend in college. I'm about to graduate next month, and the reality that I'm not going to find someone here has fully set in. It's done, I tried to fit in and socialize within the gay community but I'm just really awful at it; I have very little in common with most other gay guys, so they don't really stick around, unless briefly for sex of course. I feel inept in some way, maybe a few ways, and I don't know what to do to bring myself up from where I am now. I feel like I'm going nowhere, this is the end of my college career and I spent all of it single, I really feel like I missed out... I mean, how did this happen? How could it? It makes me wonder if I have what it takes to connect with another person at all.
     
  2. SomeNights

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    No, a lot of people go through college single, I did. I also felt out of place with the stereotypical gay community, because I am definitely not one to be very outgoing. The truth is, you are a part of the gay community, because you are gay. There are no "rules" saying who you have to socialize with. Since graduating college I've gone out on several dates, and still got to experience those embarrassing moments. It's not a bad thing to do college single and you shouldn't think of it that way. college is only a few years of your life, not even worth sweating it over.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    It's nice to hear that someone else has been there, I just hope I find someone sooner than later, even if it's just a fling.
     
  4. Ditz

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    Hey, trust me from someone whose been there and got the T-shirt the very best is in front of you and in many ways your fabulous journey is just about to begin. First things first, if you want to move forward you better look straight ahead and not behind you, it's like driving a car, you can't drive forward if you're looking back.

    Be thankfull that you're unique and not the same as everyone else... The same old is boring and gets stale pretty quickly. If you're looking for something longlasting, meaningfull and real you need to be true to yourself and that will make you an incredible catch for someone genuine and let's face it, you want someone that is genuine.

    So, be the best version of you and not something you think others expect or want you to be and then go out and participate and do the things that you love doing. Chanses are that by doing those things you'll bump into and meet people that are interested in the same things... And in that group of people that you'll meet, chances are you'll find someone that knocks your socks off of you... If 10% of all people are Gay... Well then 10% of the people you meet might be too, so go explore!

    Finally, you have to have your line in the water to catch a fish, so sitting at home is not a great way to move forward... Keep in mind with technology today it is easier than ever to meet people who share the same interests on social and dating apps... As cliché as that might sounds... Granted 95% of those are not worth your time, but thankfully it's easy to filter them out!

    So go out and explore, who knows you might just strike up a conversation with someone that is intriguing and he might just turn out to be Mr right for you. You'll never find out if you don't try.

    Finally, the past is in the past, forget it and don't dwell on it. What's important is right now, and what you're going to do today...
     
    #4 Ditz, Mar 30, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2015
  5. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    You're right, I know this already but I forget sometimes, I just kind of cracked under stress and other things that are going on right now. Honestly I don't even think about relationships most of the time, that just really got to me last night, but I do kind of worry about getting myself out there because I'm not the best at socializing, I tend to take things slowly with people because I'm afraid of driving them away. I'm also afraid I might not find a way to get out there once I leave the place I'm in right now. I mean, if I couldn't do it easily here in this overtly social small town, can I do it while living abroad with people I have even less in common with? It's terrifying, sometimes I feel doomed to loneliness once I leave college, not just romantically but friend-wise too, I hate to admit it but I'm the most scared I've been in a long time. I'm honestly a real mess right now, I compare myself to others constantly and I find it hard to not judge myself for even my slightest downfalls. It's just too bad, I used to be so optimistic, I used to really love myself, but I just kind of lost it at some point. I want to be there for others, I want to be able to have the capacity to nurture someone who I love, but I can't even really be there for myself right now, and I'm really starting to realize that now. I guess it wouldn't hurt to just not think about it from time to time, see if this bad energy clears up so that I might get back what I used to have to offer, but it's tough, and I feel like I really let myself down, it's hard for me to get past that. I could write a novel I swear haha I'll stop there, that's enough. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it.
     
  6. Ditz

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    Don't be too hard on yourself, we all get the blues sometime...

    Sounds like you're heading abroad??? How exciting!!! Are you going for work, study or just traveling? Where are you going to?

    That's the one thing I absolutely love doing! I'm happiest when I'm traveling and exploring a new place and I think a lot of it has to do with the excitement of meeting new people. If you're going to be in a new environment with new people irrespective of whether it's in your home town or a a town on the other side of the planet you'll need to be proactive in meeting people. That means smiling and being approachable, saying hi to people when you walk into a room followed by a simple how are you doing? That's the start of conversation and if people find you interesting which I'm sure they will, you'll get to meet new people and make new friends.

    Don't hammer to much about finding someone to start a relationship with. That's something that will come with time and happen when you least expect it.

    I am genuinely interested in who you are and what you're doing, and that's just from reading a few sentences you've written in here. You will make new friends, I can guarantee it!
     
    #6 Ditz, Apr 1, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2015
  7. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Well, I'm planning on working in France next year, hoping that everything will go according to plan. I guess I'm just worried about life after college, I'm afraid that I'll be lonely. I guess I kind of chose that by accident, I've never really had time to develop long-lasting friendships because I've kind of been all over the place, and I will be for a while. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel, but I wish I was better at making friends too... it's just not my strong point.