Heartbroken can't stop thinking about her

I dread going back to work this week which is crazy since the people I work with love me and I am the happiest person there. Well the reason is that I fell in love with this girl at work (i'm a lesbian) who I thought felt the same way.

She gave me all the signals that she fancied me like: she would blatantly flirt by making kissy faces at me, rub my back and stroke my sides while she hugged me and would stare at me with adoration in her eyes. Seriously, were ever I was she was. It was magical. She even hinted that she thought I was beautiful and would trash talk any of the good-looking guys I worked with saying she hated them. Even though all the other girls lusted after them. She even asked for my number. Now she tells me she's straight and dating some black dude even though on her phone- I looked through it -she has a girl under her contacts listed as "my bitch" with an in love emoji right next to it. I already told her I'm gay. What should i do??? I'm in my early 20's and have been single all my life although this is the second time i've had my heart-broken.

You gay guys are lucky, straight guys never play these games.:bang:

Btw, I have already told her that I think she was wrong for leading me on and I bailed on are work get together today since she was coming that she wanted me to come to.


I just miss her laughs at my lame jokes. Loud and flirty and her smell of cheap perfume. Should I play it cool and act like nothing happened or give her the cold shoulder next time I work with her?

It just sad that when she would walk towards me and smile at me all impish with dimples I thought, here comes my baby. Sometimes I would give her a blank stare and I could see her face crumble.:tears:

My bank account is flush with cash but I've never felt so poor.

 

Thanks for the replies everyone. Well, I've been reading quotes from Socrates and Epicurus to help me digest all this negative feelings properly, and I must say it helps. I've also watched the series "Philosophy: A guide to happiness" by Alain de Botton on youtube.

I'm less heartbroken now but more angry that she toyed with my feeling, not stopping to think about the consequences. Seriously, multiple times she would jut out her chest out and she is very well-endowed (think the letter C) and smile at me while arching her back. Last time we worked, she came to my area and was telling me how her bra strap almost broke and was falling off the entire time she was making drinks while blushing, giving deep sighs, and being all nervous too.:icon_redf I ignored her and told her I was off.

I'm also sad that I will probably lose this friendship and bond we had (not even romantic). I just wish she was honest with me from the very beginning. I am scheduled to see her tomorrow so I will definitely keep you guys updated. I plan on being civil but withholding with her.

 

Here's my update I promised you guys. So on the day we were scheduled to work together as soon as she arrived she walked up to me and more or less stated the fact that I didn't come to the meet up to me. She was acting all nervous and sad and she said it such a low weepy wounded voice too (with eyes shifty and nervous) that my first instinct was to apologize and I did. Then she said something about her getting wet in her weepy wounded voice. I was pretty taken aback. :eek:

But I more or less ignored her the rest of the shift opting to talk to anyone but her. Numerous times she tried to get my attention but I wouldn't bite. Then she started being more animated with anyone around her and during her break she started laughing REALLY LOUD at some random guy's(one of my friends ) jokes, I wasn't hurt because I'm pretty sure it was some big FUCK you to me since she totally ignored this guy the entire 5 months she started working here. Plus her laugh sounded so unnatural. Then she laughs loudly at one joke that I said before to someone that the particular person mentioned on the floor. And then after our shift she chats with me but I don't really remember her body language.

Then of course the day after she shows up - when she is off- to order food when I am working btw she has been doing this recently. Three times so far and no one really else is there working besides me. And everyone time she gives me an 'adoring/excited eyes wide open look' when she sees me. I told her to go home half-jokingly. She is giving me massive 'gay-I am-into' vibes here. :icon_redf

 

The eyes are the windows to the soul right?

Her eyes are always how do I say er....very inviting to me. There's a very come hither element to her stare. She actually did that once to me wagging her finger in a very flirty come hither way. Of course, I submitted like a dog and chased after her. God, this is turning into some kinda blog.