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My Unrequited Love Story (Although not entirely over yet)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Priceless, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. Priceless

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    I posted this in the other unrequited love story topic but I just wanted to see everyone's reactions to it. Whether or not I should continue liking him, am I misinterpreting things, you know, just things like that.

    I met my best friend last year during a study hall. Well actually, we were in a study hall two years ago and I always noticed him but never talked to him. I looked at him when he would sit with his friends at lunch and I never knew why, I just always wanted to talk to him. When I first met him, I had thought he was gay. At this point in time, I thought I was completely straight. It didn't matter to me what he was or wasn't at this point, he was a nice guy so I was nice right back to him. For a while we were friends but then we started talking a lot more and I found out we really liked the same things, had the same dislikes, and he was just amazing to me.

    However, during this entire time, or rather beforehand I guess, we had a mutual friend. Anyone was able to tell that she was head over heels for him and it looked like he also fancied her. Everyone thinks they would be an amazing couple and they told him and her that all the time. I became rather close with both of them last year. I always wanted them to get together, but I remember during the Superbowl last year, me and, oh lets call the guy Mark and the girl Angel, Mark were texting the entire time. I don't care for Sports and neither does my family, so the Superbowl wasn't a big deal to us although we still watched it. Anyway, we were texting the entire time and I just started to have feelings for him. Shocked myself, I just couldn't help it. I've felt this way for a girl before but never a guy.

    After that moment, I've always been jealous of the girl. Whenever people today bring up the fact they would be a cute couple, I laugh and play along but it kills me on the inside. He barely hangs out with people but he asked me to come over one day. Overjoyed, I of course said yes. Honestly, it was the best time I've ever had at someones house. I never felt like I needed to do anything with him, we could just sit there and talk. I never felt awkward, I never felt like I was boring him. We laughed and had a great time. I remember talking to him about just going out with people in general and he made the comment about "Oh we would be perfect for eachother!" and I just sort of looked at him and thought "Did he really just say that?" and we both kind of just stared at eachother and then he took it back really fast. Although I loved it.

    Fast forward through mixed emotions, a few more hangouts, and the summer and we find ourselves two days before New Years. At this point I've accepted I'm bisexual although I'm out to no one, and realized I'm completely and utterly in love with him, his personality, his looks, just everything about him. We decided to hangout this day and it was great and by the end of our hangout, we were extremely tired. We just sat on the couch together and watched the Big Bang Theory on TV and just sat there and I enjoyed it but I thought I bored him (Although recently he told me that he loved that we were able to just hangout and not have to worry about what we were doing). Anyway, throughout hanging out this time, I would continually try to hold his hand and we would let me. The only time he pulled away was when his dad came downstairs. Later when we were tired on the couch, I just grabbed him and put him on my lap and we just laid there together watching the show. We looked at each other and he told me he was really glad I came. I just sort of melted and loved that night from then on.

    I love that kid. Anyway, now this is Prom time at my school and everyone is asking each other. He had asked Angel to Prom and she was so excited and she told me right away and I was happy for her but I was also extremely sad when I found out. I cried in my bed that night, not for long but still I never usually cry about anything, although I didn't expect him to ask me and I knew he was gonna ask her, but I was crushed when he asked her. On the way to school the next day, I started bawling in the car when "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith came on because I was just listening to the lyrics and relating it to my situation. It killed me when he sang "Why am I so emotional/No its not a good look gain some self-control/And deep down I know this never works/But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt." I started bawling and my mom had to take me in late. She kept saying she knew it was about some girl in my school and I wanted to tell her but I couldn't. I'm personally not ready, not with someone like my father knowing that. And I know he would accept me and love me all the same and be okay with it but... I just don't know.

    Anyway it's been a while since then and my other friend told me she was nominating them for Prom King and Queen, which hurt a little. But she sent me both Angel and Mark's responses to being asked if it was okay to be King and Queen. Angel, of course, was ecstatic and loved it. Although Mark's response was just like "That's good, I think it'll make Angel happy." as if he just wasn't interested in it at all? He just didn't seem excited about it so now I'm all confused again.

    I love him but I want to stop. Anyway... that's my story now. Thanks for reading this. :thumbsup:
     
  2. Spartan 117

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    Aww, I read your story! This must be a confusing set of emotions to deal with- I bet it's quite overwhelming; dealing with your attractions towards your friend as well as feeling like you can't talk to your mom and dad about it.

    If it brings you any comfort at all, you are absolutely not alone in your situation. A lot of us here have been in your place, some people are going through the exact same thing right now. It is horrible to feel lovestruck and heartbroken - but whatever happens you will be alright.

    For what it's worth, I actually think there might be some attraction there with "Mark", I wouldn't exactly say it's normal 'Straight' boy behaviour to hold someone's hand and cuddle up. (Not that it shouldn't be normal of course :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:, I fully support anyone's right to hold hands and cuddle if they want to!). However, you do have to accept that even though you're more confident in your sexuality - he might not be. You guys are still young, and he may still be trying to fully understand his feelings, or even his identity. That might explain some of the 'mixed signals' you've been getting.

    So where does that leave me in terms of giving you advice? Honestly, I wish I could tell you for sure what he's thinking and feeling but that's impossible. I'm afraid the only way you'll know for sure is to have a (beware: the next part is terrifying) open and honest chat with him about how you feel, and where you two stand. I appreciate that is super scary, but honestly I think it's within your rights to do, after all, you guys have been closer than "normal" (for want of a better word) friends. :slight_smile:

    I totally sympathise with your situation, and I know how much it hurts. (*hug*) Whatever happens, even though this probably seems like the most important thing in the world to you right now, you will be okay. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Priceless

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    Thanks! :icon_bigg For the kind words and the advice. I know I should have a talk with him about all this, but at the same time I don't want to scare him into coming out if he isn't ready yet. I know that he'd be able to take it well, and I know there's a possibility for him to reciprocate those same feelings for me, but on the off-chance he's not and I lose him as a friend would be... the worst. He's been the nicest guy friend I've ever had, and we really do love the same things. He's my best friend and I don't want to lose it.
     
  4. WhiteShadows

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    Well, if you want some closure, maybe you could consider coming out to him? It might make him feel more trusted and able to talk to you about his own orientation. You might also want to tell him about your feelings for him, and how this is confusing for you.
     
  5. Spartan 117

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    I totally understand where you're coming from. :slight_smile: I suppose if it was me, I'd tell him that too. You can tell him that you're happy in your friendship, and you don't want to jeopardize that. Tell him that if you're meant to just be friends that you're okay with that, but there were a few times when you held hands and [other examples? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:] that made you feel like you could be more than friends, and you just want to know how he feels about it. :slight_smile: You could tell him that you've been thinking about it recently but you didn't want to scare him off by talking about it.

    From what you've said, he sounds like a nice guy, I'm sure he'd understand if you told him what you told us.

    Having said all that, I would also completely understand if you decide not to take the risk on losing him. Not that I think you would, of course. :slight_smile: It's tough, and I do totally sympathise with how you're feeling. Whatever you decide to do, EC is here to support you - even if you just want to vent. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. dmarc92

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    This is so touching. I say tell him. Don't live with regret and also he deserves the truth. If youre comfortable telling him and trust he wont tell anyone else, whether he shares those feelings or not, then you should let him know. Not only for him but for yourself too, I think we all know what its like to keep a secret like this hidden, but personally I found that telling even one person can make a big difference. If he's the one person you'd trust with this kind of secret then you should shared it, if not to declare your love then do it to just release some of the burden off your shoulders. Keeping these emotions inside will only cripple you, trust me. You gotta let somebody know. And yea the people here on EC are kind and supportive but sometimes its not the same as a physical friend being there to help you get through some things. You might find that maybe telling him will help you get stronger. He might feel the same (I hope so) but he might not, and if he doesnt, if he's the kind soul you describe him as, he'll probably just become a closer friend. He'll help you and support you. Dont underestimate the power of the truth.
     
  7. Priceless

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    Thanks guys, this really is helping. :slight_smile:

    You're all telling me to tell him. And I know deep down I'm gonna have to at some point and definitely will at some point. I trust him with so many things in my life and I really know I can trust him with this, but... It's hard for me, you know? It'd be the first person I tell, and of course it'd be the person I'm also basically in love with... It's a lot to think about.
     
  8. gloomyra

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    I feel for you so much! And I'm glad you shared this, because it makes me feel less alone. How close would you say you guys are? It sounds like you are pretty good friends.

    I hate to say this, but I think no matter what happens someone is going to get hurt. If not you, then Angel. It's even harder because you are all friends.

    I understand why you would feel odd asking him about his sexuality, but if you guys are really that close, it might be worth a try telling him how you feel. But, then again you might be risking your friendship with them both. Only you can decide what's right for you.
     
  9. gloomyra

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    I feel for you so much! And I'm glad you shared this, because it makes me feel less alone. How close would you say you guys are? It sounds like you are pretty good friends.

    I hate to say this, but I think no matter what happens someone is going to get hurt. If not you, then Angel. It's even harder because you are all friends.

    I understand why you would feel odd asking him about his sexuality, but if you guys are really that close, it might be worth a try telling him how you feel. But, then again you might be risking your friendship with them both. Only you can decide what's right for you.
     
  10. Priceless

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    Thanks guys. :slight_smile: I guess I've known I need to talk to him but it's hard for me right now. Maybe I'll talk about it after Prom is over.

    Any more advice or comments is still accepted! :slight_smile:
     
  11. EDMJunkie

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    I agree with what's been said above. I think it'll be better to tell him or talk to him about it after Prom and stuff have winded down, so as to not put unnecessary stress on anyone. Take your time and tell him when you're ready and it feels like the right time.

    I was robbed of coming out to my family because I told the wrong "friends" and they blabbed. Only tell the people you trust with your life if you're afraid of the wrong people finding out.

    Keep us updated! :slight_smile:
     
  12. Priceless

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    So Prom just ended over here, maybe it's time to finally talk about it?
     
  13. Priceless

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    Hah. Actually, funny thing that happened.

    Whilst debating telling my friend how I actually felt, I got a text from him telling me how he never really liked Angel and only said he did for so long because he wanted to be nice in 9th grade and hoped she would end up giving up, which she hadn't.

    He came to me, asking me for advice. I didn't really know what to say, and I felt guilty for being so happy at the moment because he was afraid he was going to lose her friendship. I told him he had to tell her because only holding it in would make it worse in the long run and how it although seem mean now, it's actually the nicer option.

    He told her, they got into a huge fight and now they aren't talking and I think their friendship is ruined, which I feel awful about. And I really do feel awful about it. But in these events, I ended up telling him how I feel and he feels the exact same way. He told me he's liked me for a while now and didn't think I did and that I was completely straight. I feel awful about how we got here but I'm glad we got here.

    I'm still friends with Angel and I know he wants to be but I don't think she's going to want to be friends with either of us after she finds out...

    But I'm very happy now. Thanks guys for all your input! :slight_smile: