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Everythings Wrong

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by dmarc92, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. dmarc92

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    So if you read any of my previous threads you'll understand this better...

    But I was talking to this guy I met online and we hit it off pretty good... at first. As I got closer to him he pushed me away. Long story short, he has some serious issues with confidence, security and other things. So in the end I couldn't even conclude things nicely, he completely shut me out. So I moved on.

    There's this guy I became good friends with in the past year, and we're really close best friends now. And after the break with my "online friend" I was a bit vulnerable. We were hanging out and he was being very "friendly". Usually we'll say goodbye with a normal dap/hug but this time he asked me to hug him for real and when we did it lasted a little longer than usual.. then he said something and I swore he said something about a kiss. When I asked him what he said he simply talked around it and then he said he walk me outside (we were indoors) and he hugged me again. Later that night when we were talking I asked him about it and he said he forgot. *Little Background* I told him I was in love before but never told him it was a boy. So he always asks me about it. Well this time when he asked, since I was emotionally vulnerable and needed someone to confide in, I promised to tell him the next day. So I ended up coming out to him. And after I told him of my love story (not about the "online friend" but a different boy) he was very accepting but he hugged me again, like before. SOOOO of course I caught feelings and a crush grew inside me because he's the beautiful straight guy with a heart of love and he shouldn't be friends with me but he is. It's like a gay movie except he loves this girl so I know it won't work out. So i move on.

    But THEN about a week ago, the boy I mentioned that I love texted me. *Background Info* We used to be best friends, he kinda "showed" me homosexuality, and then he showed me compassion and care. And he opened up to me and I to him and I fell in love. Then he made me feel like he was ashamed of me and then he lied to me and we stopped talking for a while. Then we became friends again and he dated my female bestfriend and then they broke up and we stopped talking. Now last summer we caught up and I finally told him how I felt after 4 years but he moved to North Carolina. Well he's back. And he wanted to hangout, but I finally got over him and moved on.

    Now its spring break and I was suppose to hang out with the boy I love (we'll call him D) and his ex/my bestfriend. But my family situation is rocky and I dont get along with my mother well and she got me so upset a couple nights ago that I got really depressed and called of the "get together". But even though now I can actually go to sleep without crying I still wish I had someone who I can tell everything and cry on their shoulder. I feel so alone and bitter and I hate this feeling. I just need someone, even if its just a friend but someone who I can trust and rely on and tell everything but Im scared I'll never find anyone like that and everything I keep to myself will eventually cause me to go into a depression I wont escape from. I dont know how to move on from here.