Is she still interested in me????????

I was seeing a girl for the past few months. I was scared because I am not one to let anyone. I first asked if we could be friends because I really wanted to get to know her as a person before anything. She said she was okay with it. Time progressed and we got to know more and more about one another. She started sending me pictures of herself asking me if I though she was pretty. I had a difficult time with this since I always find people more attractive when I get to see their personality. She said she understood. I did however, say that she had beautiful eyes and I liked her smile.

Now we kept talking on and off. We work together so I was hesitant even in the beginning to progress in case it didn't work out. As I said previously I already have a difficult time letting people in so I was avoidant at first, but the more I spoke with her the more I believed that maybe she could be different. I was afraid of something happening like it has previously happened which is a girl likes me but then says never mind or trashes me for liking girls. However, she was out and proud and everyone knew.

As time proceeded she asked if I could be more affectionate and or just sit with her showing people who sat around us that I liked her. She was asking me to do this at work which is difficult because one its a work setting and two not everyone knows I like girls. However, while I did not do that at work I did start trying to hold her hand and such. She had mentioned she wanted to kiss me which I said I would need time. She said she would be patient with me. I asked her why and she said because she liked me. The more I hung around the more I wanted to get closer to her. It was nice she wanted me in her life and I wanted her-it was a dream. I started inviting her to my sisters house because I wanted her to meet my sister and her kids first. We had a movie night twice. One night we held hands and another night we held hands and I held her close to me.

Just a couple days before the conflict happened she had said that she had grown feelings for me. I had said yes I know its stupid, but I was scared so I said that was she using a line on me. She said no its how she really felt. She left it at that and the next day I did say that I also liked her too.

Right now, its tough because there was conflict. She told me prior that she was friends with a couple of her ex's. I said in the beginning I was nervous about that because most of the time when you have an ex its an ex for a reason. Anyways, she hung out with her ex on night saying she got a ride which I believe her because she doesn't own a car at the moment. I had another friend in my ear saying that I should be pissed about her hanging out with her ex, but really I did trust her. Then the friend said she may be seeing other people....What really got me upset was when she said that her ex was going to drive drunk to get her home. I was worried and said some not so nice things. I know its not an excuse but I was already stressed with work due to low staffing working 50 hours plus a week for the last few months. I just hit my breaking point which sadly was her saying that. I said I was busy after awhile of getting upset (it was through text which is the worse way to speak to someone especially conflict). I let her go and stopped speaking to her for a few days. I finally picked myself back up and said I need to speak to her. I asked if I could ask her what she wanted from me and then she said that she had a lot of stuff going on and didn't want to go further with me until her life was sorted out. My idea was oh my gah is she friend zoning me or did I do something wrong? I mean I understand there is conflict, but it doesn't mean you should stop liking the person.

As of right now, she still wants to hang out with me. We went out when I asked to speak with her face to face and explained to her my reasoning. She said she understood and that her decision was not because of that but rather because she needed to finally focus on herself which I sort of understood since she tries to stay away from her mothers house whom she lives with. She will tell me that I wouldn't like her family and or friends which I see as a sign she is ashamed of them. I was upset with this and did tell her this. She had explained the reasoning and found her home life did suck. We spoke about our lives and how we were at the moment. She said I was an amazing person, but needed to sort through stuff. I took her a coffee and a card apologizing for my insensitiveness and she sent me a picture of it thanking me also taking a picture of the cup I got her for valentines day. I saw this as a good sign. I told her that I liked her still and that I would be patient with her as she for me. She asked me if I was sure and I said yes.

I asked her if she would like to hang out sometime this week and she said yes with a smiley face through text. I asked her which day and at first it was during the day, but then she said what about Friday night?

My question is, Is there still a chance with her? She seems a little more distant than before, but she still wants to hang out with me which I see as a good sign. I played a little prank with her saying due to the stress at work I was quitting and she did not like that saying it wasn't funny which is why I wonder if she didn't care why would she worry and or want to hang out with me still?

 

It's really difficult because when I text her or talk to her I have to be careful what I say. Before when I text her I said I wanted her and missed her etc. She would say the same thing back. Now I feel like she has full control on what we do which I am okay with I am just making sure I don't step over a line.

Its very difficult because before we were starting to hold hands and everything. Now I must admit I did admit to being scared of the future stuff we would do. I have never been kissed and she brought up about how much she wanted to kiss me and now gah that's all I want to do to her, but I know I can't. I want to hold her at night and always think about it when I am just laying in bed alone. I miss the texts I would receive from her about her wanting me and everything...it just felt scary, but good. I miss telling her how much I want her. I miss her touch on my skin. Even when she touches me on the arm now just gets me.

I just feel lonely now and try to keep myself busy now. She says how much she likes me, but I just want her to atleast text me to show me or else I assume she is saying she doesn't want anything to do with me. Or atleast initiate that she wants to hang out with me too. I asked her if I bugged her and she said no wondering why I would even ask that... In all I just feel alone.