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Do you think he just needs to come to terms with it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dillno21234, Apr 3, 2015.

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  1. Dillno21234

    Dillno21234
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey everybody, I just need your opinion on something.

    Recently, I've gotten to know this guy. We have a couple of classes together, so I see him fairly often. As I got to know him more, I really started to like him. I thought it was obvious he liked me too, but then I come to find out he has a girlfriend. I was really surprised by this because I thought it was clear he was gay. He is a pretty boy, in every definition of the word. He cares about his hair, his clothes, and overall appearance more than I do, and let's just say that's a challenge in itself. On that same note, he knows things about fashion that straight guys wouldn't even give a second thought about. Like today, he described a color of a shirt as "cherry blossom". I know that it's not fair to judge it entirely on that, because there are exceptions to this rule, but there is more that make me wonder.
    Like the fact that he shows a lot of interest in me, or at least seems to. He'll stare at me all the time. Any time I look at him, you can bet he'll be looking at me. Also, whenever he talks to me, it seems as if he's flirting. It's hard to describe, but I know for a fact, that no straight guy would ever say these things to another guy. Along the lines of "smelling good" and saying that I look "pretty as usual". It's usually in a teasing way, but I can tell it's brought on by something. Also, a big thing to me, is that we always seem to touch. Even when it isn't necessary. Any time he hands something to me, or I have to move past him, we always touch. His hand will brush against mine, or I'll literally have to move him to get by. Another thing, he remembers everything I say to him. From the first time we met, and the most random things. Things I forgot I even told him. Lastly, and probably the biggest sign to me, is that he goes above and beyond to try and make me happy. I've known this guy for a relatively short time in comparison to other friends, and he does things for me that no one else would even think to do. Like for example, I said I was hungry, just as a casual conversation, and he said "I have a break right now, I can go home and make you something to eat." and I just laughed and said that he doesn't have to. Well, time passes, and he comes over to me with a sandwich.
    So I don't know, it's just things like that, that really make me question him. Having a girlfriend is very discouraging though. I don't know if he hasn't come to terms with it yet, or if I'm just crazy. Do you guys have any thoughts? Does our relationship sound weird to you? Thank you!
     
    #1 Dillno21234, Apr 3, 2015
  2. kingdom1830

    kingdom1830
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    Maybe he is bi. He likes having a girlfriend and flirting with guys but not having relationship with a guy.

    Maybe he is gay and likes you, but not ready to have a relationship with a guy, afraid of losing anything like reputation or friends.

    Maybe he is gay and likes you, but don't know whether you are gay or not.

    Maybe he is in fact straight but has unconscious gayness, like Raj from the big bang theory.

    The only way to know is to ask him, but asking someone if they are gay while they are in the closet may scare them away and they will lie. The more things someone has, like reputation, friends, love from the family, career... the more they will be afraid of coming out.

    You should hint that you are gay or open to guys first if you are more open about your sexuality, so he will have more courage.

    If he likes you, he will tell you; if he doesn't tell you, maybe he is just not that into you. If he is even afraid of telling you that he likes you, I don't think you will be together.

    Sometimes things don't work out the way you want, no matter how much evidence there is. You must have mutual agreement on having a relationship, not just one-sided. If he is not ready, then you two are the right people but met at the wrong time.

    I would say Don't give yourself high hope because it will hurt more, like I did.
     
    #2 kingdom1830, Apr 3, 2015
  3. likesboys

    likesboys
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    I think those are classic signs of interest .
    I think The grouping of all those behaviours definitely add up to gay.. Or bi atleaast.

    Everything you've described of him, sound like what I do when I like someone ...
    Except the girlfriend part, I could never do that part . Lol.

    Are you openly gay or not ? Does he know?... Do you think he knows? ...
    Usually we are drawn to those we find similar to ourself . And if he sees 'gay' in you. It could explain why he has taken this liking to you, and is into you as it seems.

    I think the biggest part is to make sure you confidently display the person you are. So there are no secrets and then go from there. Or if you are not ready to come out. Just make it very clear through body language and signals that you are into him and gay.. Without verbal confirmation. Until you feel comfortable to do this.

    Good luck. He does seem to have a thing for you.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Apr 2015 at 11:11 AM ----------

    Also about the girlfriend ... Don't let that throw you off too much. That's exactly what a gay guy havin a girlfriend is designed to do.. ' throw people' .
    It could be a cover up... Someone he is comfortable being with knowing he is gay..
    He could be bi and interested in both...

    One way to get through knowing a guy You like has a girlfriend. Is to remember that there is a big difference between a guy and girl!.
    He will like you because of those differences , things you can offer a girl can't and vice versa.
    So dont see the girl as an obstacle or competition .
    Because you can't compete where you don't compare ;-) .
    Things like her feelings Being hurt , I guess do come into play eventually . But we need to focus on what ur trying to establish first of all.
     
    #3 likesboys, Apr 3, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2015
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