I Have Feelings for My (Possibly) Gay Best Friend

Hi all. I'm new here and I wasn't sure where to post this. I hope this is the right section. :icon_redf

So, I'm a bisexual girl. I used to think I was a lesbian, but as I've gotten older I've realized there are a few guys I like. I'm not as physically attracted to men as women, but I don't care so much about the physical aspects of a relationship anyway.

About two years ago I met a really sweet guy. We have a lot in common, and we really "get" each other. He also has autism, and he doesn't have a lot of friends besides me, because he can be a bit blunt, and people have told me he comes off as a bit odd (though, he doesn't seem that way to me!). He's my best friend, and I can't imagine life without him.

I have developed feelings for him over time, but I think he might be gay. He hasn't come out and said it, he's made some comments about certain men being attractive, or unattractive. He also idolizes several gay celebrities, and he sorts of jokes about being gay without coming out and saying it.

But, I sometimes feel like he's coming on to me. He makes excuses to touch me. He never, ever does this with anybody else, because his autism causes him to have sensory issues and he doesn't like being touched much. I thought maybe it's just that he's really comfortable around me, or maybe he was just curious.

But he's also said and done things that seem sexual to me. I catch him looking me up when
he thinks I won't notice. He's said things to me before, like "I bet you'd like that" when we see something sexual on tv, or saying my hair smells good. Once in the summer when I was wearing a low cut shirt, he very obviously and slowly reached around me and let his arm touch the tops of my breasts, then he put his hand on top of mine for a few seconds. I said "what was that for?", and he blushed and laughed it off. He's also gotten, erm, "aroused" by me before. :icon_redf

The odd thing is, he only ever does this stuff when we are alone together. And when we are around other people is when he says and does the stuff that made me think he's gay. It's really confusing. Is there such a thing as a closet heterosexual? Haha.

Anyone have opinions on this? I really like him, but talking to him about it is kind of out of the question, at least right now. He's going through some stuff right now, and I just want to be there for him and not cause him any extra stress. He also is really uncomfortable with anything sexual. He can't even look at nudity in movies, he fast-forwards or leaves the room. So I'm afraid he might freak if I asked him about his sexuality...

Sorry for the super long post...

 

Its not that he really treats me differently when we are alone together, except he acts like he likes me. But he's also really shy. He has said things when we are alone together that have made me think he's gay, just not as often. When I say "alone together", I mean not around our parents, because we usually hang out at each other's houses.

As for the negative/positive thing... I don't really know. I do put up with some stuff (he's bad about calling back right away, he can, as I said, be blunt to the point of rudeness occasionally), but overall I feel really happy to have him in my life. He's very honest, understanding, and he listens to me. What made you ask that?

And, thanks for the reply.

 

Thank you very much, your advice has helped me. You seem like a very kind person too.

I won't let him mess with me, I know to stick up for myself. Even if it's hard sometimes. That being said, I don't think he flirts with me to mess with me. I am not even sure he realizes I like him. When things are going better for him, I may or may not try to discuss things with him. But for now, I think I'll just wait and see what happens. Maybe I'll come out to him and see if that makes him comfortable enough to discuss things with me.

He is a kind person, and I think he is confused too. I have confronted him before for other things, such as always replying to my texts late, and we were able to talk things out, and he was very apologetic. He told me he gets easily distracted, and if he doesn't reply immediately I should feel free to text him again. As I mentioned he has autism, and it makes it very hard for him to talk about his feelings, romantic or otherwise. He isn't even aware of them most of the time, and it takes a long time for them to register with him.

Thanks again!