So whether In a relationship or somebody you're seeing .. Can I ask how often you text one another. Me and my guy have this txt thing where we usually go back and forth all day long with eachother , like everyday , through the night untill we fall asleep. Then if one of us wake up to pee or something , we will reply, then continue the next day. it's like a never ending conversation and I know it maybe seen as unhealthy but I'm so use to it, coz we've been doing it for sooooo long (a year now), problem is, when the odd occasion comes up where he doesn't reply, for a day... Or 2 .. I literally freak out. Now I don't ever mention that I'm freakin out ... But I do become a wreck of nerves to my friends and myself ! Self admittedly , He does always come back to me with an excuse.. And I feel like an ass after.. But Today for example I can see he has been on his PS4 all day (we have eachother as friends on ps4 so I can see what he's doing ) But hasn't bothered to respond, so I double texted. Which I hate doing, still not response . He came offline a couple hours ago. And still no response. I just don't get it. A response takes seconds! When we first started texting , I explained once how I feel when he takes too long to text back, just as an initial 'clear the air' chat. He apologised and said he completely understands because he feels the same way if it's done to him. So his response time immediately improved.. .... temporarily , but he does take on average an hour to reply which is fine and I'm use to it, as the quantity and quality of messages makes it worth it ! people generally think I'm over reacting and paranoid when I'm concerned about his lack of response.. I just wonder if this is common with others. And how often and important everybody else see's texting ?
I personally do not like texting now. It's convenient for saying a quick hello and maybe saying flirtatious things back, but at the end of the day it can't beat real conversations face to face. I say this solely because people use texting to do everything. I recently got upset because people want to argue over text which is difficult because most people myself included say things you might not say in person so. Okay back to you though, texting doesn't show how much someone likes you... Why not try and call him to see what he is up to? Then you can talk withour the feeling of him doing that?
I hate texting. Feels like I'm running out of things to say. I also hate slow texters but I am one myself. We have great discussions through text, but I prefer to expand on them when we meet. It will never replace face-to-face even though I'm a wreck in social settings.
Heyy... Yeah I totally get what your saying. Texting is also very toneless and its hard to understand the context of someone's words... I've noticed I assume he's being moody alot of the time through text, but then in person I NEVER get that. But yeah, I get nervous that if I call he won't answer .... And if he does answer then I'd feel like .. Well why the hell is he ignoring my message. It can all be solved I know it's all very simple . I'm just being a scaredy cat. I wish he would just message back. He is now online on his Playstation again, I can even message him through that, but that's a bit overboard , just incase he genuinely needs a break from me., Thanks for the reply though (*hug*) ---------- Post added 4th Apr 2015 at 09:59 PM ---------- Yeah I love face to face! Especially for the important stuff! I guess texting just validates stuff for me and makes me feel good, makes me know I'm in his thoughts
I would encourage you to call and face to face chat with your boyfriend as much as possible if that's a facility available to you (I get the impression you're in a short distance relationship?). Reason being is it's so so easy to get bogged down and paranoid with texting. You can very easily find "differences" from what happened yesterday with what happened today. You read into things that are likely nothing and can miss the actual meaning of a message. If you can talk over Skype (which can be done *while* he's playing his PS4) on the phone or in personal, you'll feel a lot more in control of the situation. Simply put, it's not the most ideal way of communication but should you continue to use it as much as you have been, here's a couple of thoughts for your concerns: - How long have you been with your boyfriend? The longer you guys have been together, this may have an effect on what is said/how often. A married couple of 20 years likely communicate a lot differently to a couple of guys who've just celebrated their first week anniversary. - Trust your boyfriend. This is by far the most effective way to deflect concern. I'd imagine one of your most frequent fears when you are ignored or received delayed replies is "What have I done wrong?" (plus more but here's just one example). Trust him. If you've hurt your boyfriend in some way - would he tell you? I hope so. In my opinion, I find it essential otherwise you'd have no idea how to go about making it up to him or even whether it's something you did wrong. - Mood reading. It's impossible to be completely 100% sure. You can't tell by the lack of upper-case or lower-case letters or misspelled word whether this is laziness, fatigue or simply typos. Don't even attempt to try and read into it. I'm not saying disregard it altogether, as sometimes there can be signs something is wrong (not even necessarily as a result of something you have done) within what he's saying, but the grey area is just enormous here. Two other points: - I agree with you in the scenarios where you've not heard from your boyfriend in a few days. Where possible, I think it'd do no harm for him to let you know prior to the event that he's out of town for a couple days or will be busy with whatever. Like with any very close loved one, after two days of unexpected silence, it's fair to at least feel some desire of reassurance that everything is just fine. That said, you mentioned he still did come back with reasons for the absence so this point could be irreverent if he was simply unable to contact you. - I'm not sure how you define "double-texting". Unless you have a genuine suspicion/reason that the message didn't go through - don't send the same message twice. You feel bad about it because you're worried he might get frustrated - which could well be accurate - so I wouldn't recommend it. If he's received (and seen) a text from you which warrants a reply, I'd naturally hope for a reply too but this all goes back to trust. You're paranoid the delay is for bad reasons - try to get yourself into the feeling where if there's a problem, that you'll be certain he'll tell you what and why. It'll help a great deal.
hi RedDev84! I 100% agree with everything you have said, and you have helped me look at the situation with a better perspective !!! Thanks a lot. Ur right in my assuming he's upset wth me, and I know I haven't done anything wrong ! So the paranoia is crazy! We actually use to send video messages rather than worded txt, but since new iPhone updates , we just do audio and txt . And we do see eachother near enough everyday except this week. I must confess though, he is not officially my boyfriend (yet) , although we treat it as such. It's very complicated, but The advice can still be applied , as that's how we treat eachother at the moment , and trust and boundaries are still in place .
I understand completely. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now and we also text almost non-stop. From the morning after we both wake up until one of us goes to bed. We've only talked on the phone once and Skyped twice during that time, mostly because neither of us is at all fond of phone calls. There's been a few times that she's just stopped texting me for a day or two and it always makes me freak out. Partly it's because we're long-distance so when she stops I get worried that something's happened to her. Once I stopped texting her for several hours and she told me that she has the same fear. She seems to have two reasons for stopping: 1) She's upset with me over something but is afraid to talk to me about it, or 2) She's upset with something else and just wants to be left alone. I'm really thinking we need to have a code word for the second one because it happens to me sometimes too and it's nice to know that it's not my fault. Maybe that's something you could talk about?
