What I'm looking for...

This will sound very self-indulgent and self-centered. I wasn't sure where to post this. But I need to know if I'm alone in what I want. Does anybody feel this way or long for someone like this, even if it's impossible or completely unreasonable? And I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm babbling a bunch of nonsense.

What I want...

I've always believed that what I want can't really exist. What I want are unrealistic expectations that sit within this idea of a soulmate, but the reality of that idea is an impossibility. What I want, what I've always wanted, is to share everything in my life with you and for you to want the same. We can talk about everything, absolutely everything, no matter how much it hurts or how ashamed either of us are, and we can know everything there is to know about each other. I want to know all your secrets, you can know all of mine, and we can share each other together and never tell a soul about what we have with each other. Our connection, our relationship, our secrets, our love, our hopes, our dreams will be our own for all time in our own little world. I want to know what makes you who you are. I want to know everything that is your favorite and why, and everything that you hate and why, and I can surprise you on your birthday and Christmas with something so unexpected but exactly what you want. I want a deep and passionate connection with you. I want a dependence upon each another that makes us feel inseparable. I want to miss you when you are gone, and long for you to be near me. I want us to lock eyes with each other and try to share every thought. I want to walk into a room and exchange glances at each other, communicating a thousand unspoken words in a millisecond. I want to look at you and know how you're feeling and what you're thinking. I want you to read me the same way, and know that with one single glance you understand how I feel, what's bothering me or how great my day is going. We can know each other on every level and rest assured with ourselves that no one knows me like you do and I know you better than anybody. I want us to know the tone of our voices, the expressions on our faces, every gesture we make and know when something is wrong or completely right. I want us to share our thoughts without a word, to know you need to talk to me or sneak away for a private word, with barely a look in my direction I will just know. I want to feel your energy when you stand next to me, and know that empty and longing feeling awaits me when I see you walking away. I want to exchange glances at work or at home, constantly checking on each other, even at a distance monitoring each other, making sure we aren't depressed or sad or need uplifting. I want to sense how you feel when we are miles apart. As silly as it sounds, I wish we could have a telepathic connection, and I want that connection to matter to us so much that we feel lost without it. I want to feel like I can't live without you, and be so passionately in love with you. I never want my back to you when we're both in a room; I'm always facing your direction and seeking you out in a crowd. I want us to hug when we leave and at least shake hands when we meet. I want to text each other when we're apart, and if we can't, at least know we can leave a conversation only to pick it right back up again many hours later. We can have our own secret code words for when we talk in public or with friends that only we know the underlying and deeper meaning. I always want to sit next to you or directly across from each other. I want us to be the same size, or close to it and borrow clothes and shoes, and we can be happy sharing in all kinds of those little intimacies that make up our relationship. We can each have our own custom text tones and ring tones for each other, and we will know that we are each other's priority day or night. I want to drop everything I'm doing when you need me. I want to give you my undivided attention; hanging on your every word and remembering every word you say. Everything you say is important to me. Our conversations and experiences will turn into memories that last a lifetime spent with the most amazing person I've ever known. I want to go out of my way to make you happy even at the expense of my own happiness. You can do the same for me and we will support and deeply care for each other. I want to walk in your shoes and know what it's like to be you and understand you. I want to walk beside you through all of the experiences you face, good and bad, thick and thin, and be right by your side no matter what sort of days lie ahead for us. Walking beside you through this life, I will be there for you at any hour of the day or night, for the slightest or greatest of reasons, or no reason at all. I will never leave you or abandon you, and I will love you always, entirely unconditionally and unexceptionally.

I know... none of this is really possible. It doesn't exist. What I want cannot be real.