1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Complicated situation with the guy down the street

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Void Puppy, Apr 6, 2015.

  1. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey all.

    There is this guy, I've known him since I moved to Virginia when I was 12 years old. We've been best friends this whole time.

    Now, I'm out to all of my friends including him. We're comfortable enough with each other that we talk about different sexual interests and fetishes or whatnot we're interested in. I don't know how out of the ordinary that is, but that's what we had going on. After finding out we're both into doing online role playing, we decided to do it with each other a few times.

    I obviously won't go into details, but after one evening once we'd concluded the RP, we just sorta started chatting. It had become late at night by that point, and I was extremely tired which lead me to say something that I wouldn't have normally said.

    I told him I thought he was really cute and that I liked him a lot. After realizing what I'd just said, I immediately disconnected from steam and realized what I'd done. A few minutes afterwards I got a "Hey." via text from him. He told me that he'd never had a friend tell him that, and that he didn't mind. We kept texting and he slowly began to let on that he was interested in me as well (!!! He always told me he was straight up until this point). At this specific time he was actually on a cruise, but he promised to talk to me in person when he got back.

    We sent a lot of flirty back and forth texts to each other over the course of those days. I felt on top of the world. My best friend interested in me? How often does that happen?

    Here's the kicker. He lives literally 4 doors down from me.

    So we got back, I met up with him a couple times but we were both rather awkward about it and nothing different really happened.

    Now, I'm not out to my parents, they're extremely conservative and wouldn't hesitate to make my life hell if they found out. So his solution to getting some "alone time" with me was to invite a bunch of guys over to watch a movie and game and whatnot, and then crash at his place, and meanwhile we'd be doing our own thing (neither of us knew exactly what we expected to happen that night).

    So I get there, due to the rest of the guys being around we acted normally.

    At around 3AM a few guys drove home, the rest just crashed in the living room. He had setup an air mattress in the center. After everyone was mostly situated, he kinda winked at me and started pulling me towards his bedroom. My mind was blowing up with excitement, but at the same time I realized that everyone else in the room would see us going into his bed together, which would obviously raise a bunch of flags. So I hesitated and ended up sleeping on that air mattress. After 30 minutes or so he came and laid down next to me. We kinda stared into each others eyes for a few minutes, and then he just leaned over and kissed me! My very first kiss. It was not perfect but it felt amazing. We spent the rest of the night cuddling with each other until he fell asleep in my arms.

    Everyone wakes up, they all drive home and I grab my stuff and he walks me to my house. We awkwardly say our goodbyes and then each go home. At this point I'm completely over the moon. I had just had the best night of my life, and for the first time the guilt and self hate I had experienced for being bi disappeared.

    But obviously this is too good to be true, as I found out two days later.

    My mom, who has an extreme obsession with monitoring me and invading my privacy, decided she was going to steal my phone and read my text messages. I had just upgraded to a new phone the week before and had yet to set a passcode lock (what an absolute idiot I was). She read through our text messages with each other. Luckily the night before I had deleted some of our more... "personal" messages. What she saw was me asking him if anyone in his family "Knew about us", and then me calling him cute.

    So what does she do? She takes screenshots of these texts, and then emails them to herself. From there, she goes ahead and emails them to /his/ mother. Now, his mother sees it, and confronts him about it. She says that she's okay with him being gay/bi, and that she's okay with him dating me. My mother on the other hand, waits until I'm going to my biweekly therapy session, and then insists on being in the room with the therapist and I, and then confronts me about it in front of the therapist.

    I'm freaking the fuck out because I had no clue how she knew. After a long time, I manage to somehow convince her that it was some kind of joke. Despite this, I'm now permanently banned from talking to him or mentioning him or texting him or /anything/.

    I obviously talked to him. He said he loved me and that he didn't care what my mother thought and it wouldn't change anything.

    And of course that wasn't true.

    It's been a few months since then, and we've not made any physical contact since that night at his house. We've stopped the flirting, we've stopped everything that made it special. It slowly turned into just the regular friendship we had before. And even since then, he's started talking to me even less than before.

    I feel like I've completely fucked up this friendship. I've asked him straight up if he actually had feelings for me and he's always dodged the question. I guess maybe he just enjoyed the attention I gave him and wasn't actually bi/gay after all.

    I'm just really frustrated with myself for messing this all up. I don't know what I could do/have done differently.
     
  2. Runner5

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2014
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm very sorry that that happened to you. The way I see it, nothing was your fault. It is your mother to blame. Unfortunately I do not have any advice on that front. Please stop beating yourself up about it though.
     
  3. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    You need to know one thing, Southpaw. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    Your mother was the reason why you two's relationship and now friendship has gone down badly. Don't blame yourself for it, it would have stayed under the radar if your mother did not meddle.

    It sucks that all of the wonderful stuff had to end like that.

    As for him, I would say he's upset. He's mad. He's hurt by all this. He might think he hates you or whatever, but in reality, he's just hurt. The only advice I can give you now is that let time heal him. Of course, take at least baby steps to rekindle the friendship you two had once, even if it won't get your relationship with him back.

    Hoping for the best.
     
  4. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Umm, your mom does not understand how therapy works. That therapist could get into a lot of legal trouble allowing her to barge in on private sessions. You should tell the therapist you will refuse to see him/her if you can't trust him/her with your deepest secrets, and definitely being "not straight" with unsupportive parents is a very big secret.

    Do not worry. Your time with this boy was just not right because you two still are living under your parents' rules. However, since his mom is more supportive, maybe you could talk to her for some advice (but remember there could be consequences in terms of your mom freaking out again). Who knows? Maybe later you and your friend will be able to get back together again later. Even if nothing happens with him, you at least have slowly become more confident that you can do things on your own.

    Also, your profile says you're out to your sister. Do you think she could help make your parents more openminded about LGBT people? Remember you are not alone!
     
  5. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't see how it's not my fault though. I should have had my phone locked and I shouldn't have kept those conversations around without deleting them. I just got lazy and it spiraled into this.
     
  6. jareau

    jareau Guest

    You shouldn't have to worry about locking your phone etc so this really isn't your fault at all. Hope this situation gets better, good luck with your therapy.
     
  7. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    It's not because your mother wouldn't have known if she didn't decide to stick her nose and invade your privacy. Don't blame yourself, it will only do damage to you. And you have to focus on what you can do now about the damage done to you.

    I really wish you two could still regain the friendship you had before. I think you two need that most, above all else.
     
  8. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    I guess I can understand. I guess it's just that I knew that she tries to invade my privacy like that but I didn't lock my phone anyway. I got a little too comfortable in my own skin and forgot for a while how serious what I was doing actually was.

    I hope I can have that friendship. It's just that now he wont talk to me unless I initiate it, and when I do it feels hollow and dull as if he's not really interested in saying anything at all.
     
  9. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines

    It's actually bothering that she has to be like an all seeing eye to you. She doesn't respect your boundaries anymore. That's very disrespectful, even from a mother.


    Like I said, I think he's still hurt from everything that has happened. And as his thinking goes, he's afraid to be hurt again once you two settle things again.

    I really, really, really hope for the best for you two. Friendship is such a beautiful thing, and brings such pain when it gets blurred and you almost lose it.
     
  10. NathanielB13

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2015
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Birmingham,England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I remember, once when my mum discovered something about my sexuality but I denied it of course. It is normal for parents to get suspicious but I think what your mom did was crossing the line. I think you should try to rebuild your friendship, it sounds like a close one even if it isn't a romatic one.
     
  11. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    well, I left him a long message telling him how I feel about him still and offered to try and rekindle things when/if he wants to.

    I'll update when he responds.
     
  12. NathanielB13

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2015
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Birmingham,England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Good, he sounds really nice and you definately have more courage than me as I have a crush and I am really shy and can't even think of confronting him or her
     
    #12 NathanielB13, Apr 6, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2015
  13. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    He really is a nice guy and I'd hate to lose him in any capacity :/
     
  14. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    So this is how it went:

    seems like I fucked it up even worse :/
     
  15. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    ...Ouch. I'm sorry what happened and what your mother did was uncalled for. Seems he feels uncomfortable or just plain uninterested now. It really sucks, I feel horrible for you especially reading the recent message. -hug-
     
  16. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    I just wish he could have said no instead of leaving me with nothing at all :/
     
  17. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    I think now, the best you can do is to give him time. He's scared to commit to anything right now. I also think it's better to at least save your friendship with him for the meantime.
     
  18. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    it's been a month, I figured he'd have cooled off about it by now but I guess I'm wrong.:bang:
     
  19. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    1 month is a very short time for some. And it seems like he got hurt pretty badly with what happened with you two, which will take some time to heal. I don't think he's up for a relationship right now, all you can do is offer your friendship to him. Regain your friend back, Southpaw! You can do it! You might not think of it but he really needs someone to be there for him right now. And that is a friend, which can be you. Fair winds!
     
  20. Void Puppy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2015
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    I think if I had maybe been better to him while we were together and afterwards it might be different. I was really stressed out and stopped pursuing it and he did too. Maybe if hadn't let off afterwards and not let my parents get in the way of us it'd be different.