Hey, I feel like i only come here when i've got problems and i wish I could also give something to others rather than always just asking for help, but i'm kind of going through a confusing time right now and I really need some support. :/ I've had doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend of 6 years for a while now, and have spent the past few months trying to let go of this relationship and mentally prepare fr a break-up. We've talked about it together, but as we're currently living in different countries we decided not to make any final decisions until i come to visit him. Well, i'm here now, and we've cried and talked and then cried some more, and have decided that ending the relationship is the right thing to do. But i'm still at his place right now and now we're still kind of acting like everything is normal, and it's making me feel so conflicted. I feel like we have a great relationship in so many ways, we have this connection and i feel like i can be myself with him in a way that i can't with others, and he brings out the best in me. He's always been there for me and put up with all my crazy and is just a lovely human being in every way, and i really enjoy his company. It's just so easy to forget when you see eachother so rarely. Being back here in this flat that we used to share just brings back so many memories... And all of this makes me wonder what the hell i'm actually doing? Why would i just throw away something this good? I know that i've never been very attracted to him sexually, but i also don't feel like i'm a very sexual person, so would it really be different with someone else? I guess the main reason that i want to break up with him, apart from the general difficulties of being in a long distance relationship, is that i just can't let go of the thoughts about being with women. I know i'm not gay, but i'm pretty sure i must be at least somewhat bisexual. Sometimes i worry that it's only some kind of weird obsession for me. What if i won't actually enjoy being in a relationship with another woman, if i ever even find a woman who wants to be with me? I can't really imagine being with any other guy then my (ex?)boyfriend right now. Could someone who is actually straight spend like 10 years questioning their sexuality? I just don't know what to do and how to feel right now... I will probably leave today or tomorrow to visit family, and probably my head will feel more clear once i'm out of here, but that will also mean having to deal with this really being over and that scares me... i just hope i'm not making the wrong decision right now.
No one is stopping you from helping others. Try it! Why can't you just be friends with him? There is no rule you must never talk to or see each other after the break-up. You won't know if you don't like being with a woman until you try it out. As you already mentioned, your current relationship was a struggle since you're in different countries. You are not alone. There are plenty of people on this site and elsewhere (look at all the celebrities who come out in their 30s, 40s, etc.) who have not only been in straight marriages but also had kids before they fully accepted their sexualities. You're only 24! You still have time to figure things out. Being in a relationship is an option, not required for happiness.
You're not being crazy. You're just trying to make sense out of a crazy situation that is really beyond your control. The only thing you can control is how you handle it. If you have been questioning your sexuality, than you are at least somewhat attracted to women as well. My advice to you is go on with the separation. If that's what you want of course. There will still be feelings left over, that's normal. But you should go out there on your own and move on. Think about the possibility of being with a woman and if you decide its right for you, go out there and experiment. That way you'll have a better understanding of your sexuality. Best of luck to you.
Hey, this is a bit of a late reply since there's been a lot going on and I've just been trying to deal with stuff. But thank you both for replying! I really just needed some confirmation that I was doing the right thing I guess... Well, I did what I knew that I had to do, and ended things with my boyfriend. It was so hard leaving "our" place not knowing when I'll see him again and knowing that things will never be the same between us again. And of course I really really miss him and I have questioned my decision a few times, but overall I feel better than I thought I would. Mostly I miss our friendship, and having someone to share everything with, and sometimes I do feel really lonely because I don't have that many friends where I live now. But I also kind of feel more free and somewhat less anxious now that I don't have to constantly think about the decision, and now that I feel less anxious I think my sexuality is also becoming more clear, or at least it isn't bothering me as much as before (although I occasionally do go back to questioning). I know that I definitely feel some attraction to women, and I think I'm more interested in pursuing relationships with women even though I still feel some attraction to guys as well. But I guess for now I'll just take things slow, try to sort my life out, focus on uni and maybe try to make some new connections and hopefully everything will start to feel less scary at some point.
