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When Being "Chill" is Just Plain Cold

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by greatwhale, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. greatwhale

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    Greetings,

    Came across an interesting article on what appears to be an unfortunate trend in relationships, such as they are.

    Here are a few extracts for your consideration:

    On the difference between authentic passion, and chill:

    The "Blasé Olympics":

    Are we so afraid of getting hurt that even this little level of vulnerability is verboten? The article ends with the following "peak chill":

    Let me know what you think...
     
  2. resu

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    Haha, this is great! I think a lot about everything, and it seems like this "chill" ethos is like the hipster epidemic, where people try so hard to appear cool and calm that they just end up being a nameless face in the crowd.
     
  3. Mystory

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    This article spoke volumes to me... I am often one to emote and be direct with what I feel and what I am thinking. It is not good at all in a world where sentimentality is interpreted as 'clinginess', where serious conversation and dialogue is interpreted as 'drama', where debate or countering points of views are understood as deal breakers- and finally where discussion is used as a basis for personal attacks and a point of invalidating the partner... It's frustrating- it's unkind and it lacks compassion
     
  4. greatwhale

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    This is an exceptionally perfect summation of what the article spoke of, well done! :eusa_clap
     
  5. wasgij

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    I just went ahead and read the whole article. It was hard for me to keep up with all the nuances and subtle definitions of vague cultural stuff, and I'm not even that old!

    Moral of the story: don't date 6 guys in one day?! What the hell was she thinking? Unless it was organised speed-dating (which is emotionally taxing in its own right), the very idea of passionately or intensively hunting for a relationship seems completely at odds with the author's mask of aloofness. Obviously it clicked, otherwise she wouldn't have written the article.

    The issue seems related to (or maybe the same as) what I'm grappling with in my life, which is some kind of ego battle between different parts of me that want different things. For years, I've been trying to do things by force: going on dating sites, chatting and meeting with people, going speed-dating and on organised pub gatherings. The complete opposite of the actual "chill" or at least coolness. I'm sure "chill" means exactly the same thing as "aloof", but whatever. Sadly, I don't think I've EVER been on a date that wasn't utterly contrived. It was always some kind of modern set-up. There was one possible exception, but I think it only counted as "hanging out".

    Yet, whenever I ask friends or acquaintances who seem happily coupled-up, they often sound pretty vague and confused about it all. Like they don't understand what supernatural force made them exchange phone numbers that day. Sounds like that state of flow that the author was talking about, which is great if you're not looking, yet chatting people up, yet not looking, yet exchanging numbers, yet not looking... It makes no sense.
     
  6. Emily1

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    I love this article! I couldn't agree more. I strongly believe that you need mutual vulnerability to be close to someone, whether it be a family member, a friend or a romantic interest. Unfortunately i'm guilty of closing myself off due to fear of being rejected. I have so many opportunities to express my feelings (a.k.a. tell friends that I am gay) yet I don't because it's not 'chill' to be emotional and engage in deep conversations.