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Boyfriend found on dating app

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Regacter, Apr 14, 2015.

  1. Regacter

    Regacter Guest

    I confronted my boyfriend about a dating app he was on. We've deen dating for about 2 months and became mutually exclusive. He told me that we never talked about it and that his profile on another dating app (the first one he rarely uses) says that he is happily taken and that he only uses it to browse. He deleted them and told me he wanted to continue seeing me and that i needed to communicate more to him and be more open and not to bottle everything up. This is my first relationship ever since i came out recently and so far he is a really nice guy and im going to trust my gut in place my trust in him. What do you guys think?
     
  2. Lawrence

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    You caught him using a dating APP? If you met him through the APP, I'm not really sure what the policy is, but why would he need to use it to browse, if he's already got you? Aren't those APPS only designed for finding dates? If you've both agreed to be mutually exclusive, I think that's when dating APPS need to be deleted. As scary as it can be, both parties should place trust in the relationship.

    The skeptic in me says... he was still trying to keep his options open, but he got caught, so he's playing it down. You have to wonder how long that would've otherwise continued. He's deleted those, and he could create new ones. Before he deleted them, did you see the APP that says he's happily taken?

    I hope that I'm wrong and that your boyfriend isn't this suspicious... if somebody pulled this on me, I'd be pissed off about the "communicate more and not bottle up." You confronted him about it and I'd call that communicating. Especially if you met him elsewhere... you aren't expected to read minds and know that he was on dating APPS. I'd want to be told these things! Some people might be cool with that, but I believe it was his responsibility to communicate first with you and ask if it's okay to still be on dating APPS, despite being 'mutually exclusive.'
     
  3. Verb

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    Sounds like maybe he was feeling insecure about your relationship and wanted to keep his options open. Bit cheeky of him to try and make it 'your' fault though. He could have told you how he was feeling, if that was the case.

    But since he's deleted his accounts, I'd try to trust in him unless he gives you more reasons not to. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Robert

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    I met my boyfriend online and we both still have dating profiles and browse through every now and again. We've been together for 3 years and we live together.
     
  5. robclem21

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    Some guys are just sloppy with cleaning up loose ends like that. It doesn't mean they aren't loyal and genuine. I think you are probably okay. I always trust people until they give me a reason not to and although I would be slightly skeptical here, I'd probably let it go.
     
  6. sweetfemme90

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    Communication is very important, I think he did the right thing by deleting his dating apps. You must be pretty special to him :slight_smile:
     
  7. cm1092

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    I ran into similar trouble like this and I'd say that whilst you shouldn't jump the gun on this and no longer trust him, you definitely need to call him out on why he feels the need to 'browse'. My ex was found to be using the very website we met on, and eventually it became clear that he was messaging several guys from the site on Facebook. Its safe to say that that's where it ended for us, as difficult as it was.

    However, in this situation your boyfriend has deleted the apps instantly. This is a good thing, but like I say I'd question the whole browsing thing... I just don't get that? But maybe this is just an understanding thing on my side. Hope things go well :slight_smile:
     
  8. resu

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    Like others said, the fact this is a dating site vs. a "platonic" site like an online forum (e.g. Emptyclosets) means there are always going to be suspicions. Unfortunately, the best you can do is "trust but verify" as you already did. You can't be hovering over him 24/7, so ultimately you have to believe he will respect you enough to not make similar mistakes.

    Also, some people are just not naturally monogamous, so you may have to ask your boyfriend what type of relationship he really wants. It's far better to know he wants something like an open relationship than to find out things have been happening behind your back.
     
  9. Skov

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    It sounds fine right now. If he redownloads them, dump him unless you're fine with him sleeping with other people.

    I get those apps can be a source of validation, but I wouldn't risk it if he redownloads them.
     
  10. BonnieJ2604

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    I agree completely but I have nothing to hide and do not keep a password on my phone so my boyfriend is free to go through it as I have nothing to keep from him.
    Do be careful because he could be interesting in cheating but try and talk to him more, I get really closed off when the person I am dating doesn't talk frequently and that's when I am inclined to "keep my options open"
     
  11. Cider

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    Dump him if you catch him on an that type app again. That's the first thing. Second, I would be a little more skeptical and have less trust because in my opinion, if you're already in a relationship you shouldn't have to browse a dating app or website for other guys.

    Good luck!