Hello. (sorry in advance for my English) As you may guess from the title, I have been getting blackmailed by my friend for a year due to a goddamn message on Skype where I actually came out to him (the message was really long). Of course that 'friend' appeared afterwards to be the hugest homophobic devil in this hell named Lithuania (boondocks in eastern Europe). He since my coming out began to constantly threaten me if I don't do what he orders (yes, I know, what a fool was I to be so naive). He has saved that message in a txt file and has it in his computer in case he needs me to do anything, including his homework or treating people in unpleasant ways. Recently he has told me that if I change my school subject set so that I don't have any more history class and choose geography instead, he will (like in his every threatening session) post every single word of that message publicly on Facebook. That would instantly lead me to writing a brief testimonial on my table before I would leave my house and go drown myself or anything. No, that would not be a solution of my problem, but rather a necessity, because I'm 93 percent sure that my parents won't be nice to me afterwards and whole class of mine at school will avoid and ignore me while traduceing behind my back. The reason why I am desperately in need of advice is that I need just two simple things: 1. to not come out to any person until June 2016, when I flee to Germany to study there; 2. to destroy every single instance of that file (he has multiple copies in his pc). The good news is that on this Thursday I am ordered to reinstall his windows on his pc, and that will be the last chance to change something with the current blackmail situation. Thenceforth I desperately need someone to recommend me some application (Win 7, just in case of compatibility) that could grant me silent access to his files so that I can search and destroy it or at least replace the contents with random bits. (Although I am a novice c# programmer, I don't think I can manage in two days to create a complete silent service with access to searching in files. He is really paranoid so I must be absolutely careful.) Any silent windows 'service' could do the job. Please do not think that I'm just joking or that I want to damage any of his digital property - I only want to stop the blackmail so that I can choose what I want in my life without literally being enslaved by a demon like him. Thank you in advance
Sorry this is happening to you. This sounds pretty out there, and I really wish you were joking actually. I'm going to tell you in advance I am not an expert with computer programming and can't give you any advice to delete the message. I will say that this guy was never your friend. Just reading this reminds me of the "friends" I used to have in high school. I am still bitter over the way they treated me sometimes, and your post brings back some of that anger. Messing with the files on his computer is a long shot, even though deleting the message will give you a sense of security, and you'll feel like you're able to cut him off for good. I would recommend most people not to disclose their sexuality if they are truly afraid for their safety or well being, but in this case, it's different. Like I said, it seems like hacking into his computer is a long shot. If you can do it, go for it. But if you want to truly take a stand for yourself and win in this situation, don't do what he says. If this is true, he is being a fucking immature little shit. And you don't need to listen to this asshole. You're afraid people will find out. That is certain. But this is your chance to be in control of your life and your sexuality. Giving in to this guy in order to hide your true identity is feeding fuel to the injustice of inequality. I would tell him straight up that you're not doing anything for him. He is dead to you. What he did to you displayed the most disrespectful and ungracious behavior a human being can muster, and you're not going to be a part of this self deprecating scheme of his. If he's going to share your message to the world, and tell everyone you're gay, then he can go ahead and do it. That will prove to the world what a piece of shit he really is. Then tell him to go fuck himself. Tell him all of that. Maybe not exactly lol, but make sure you get the message across. And tell that to anybody who doesn't respect you and love you for who you are. If he does share the message, and you get shit for it, just know that you'll be out of that situation one day, and all those people are going top be stuck in their small minded world and you'll be progressing into your future and surrounding yourself with people who will respect you and love you for your true identity. I hope you make it through this situation okay and please post an update. I want to know how things go for you. I truly wish you all the best. Take care.
You could turn the tables and say that if he outs you, people will think he is also gay because you're "friends". Basically, you need to not be afraid of the consequences. Stick with your other friends who respect and love you for who you are, especially the ones who have shown they support gay rights. Don't think the whole school will be against you. There will be straight allies and other LGBT students if you look for them. Please do not try to do anything illegal to his computer or ask us for advice. That will backfire, and he may get even more crazy. Also, remember you are seventeen! You are almost an adult, and you should seriously look into how you can be independent. Maybe look if there are local LGBT resource centers in your city for help. You will not be the first teenager who is scared of being outed.
hello. Im sorry you're going through this. I know, being outed when you're not ready is not the best situation to be in, but if you really think about it, it's way better than being blackmailed into doing things you don't like. my only advice to you is love and respect yourself for who you are and others will do so as well. Do not be afraid. You coming out to this "friend" tells me youve already accepted being gay. That is a good thing! Maybe you've chosen the wrong person to come out to. But that is ok. try and find another friend whom you can come out to as well, and you will find that not everyone in the world is here to bring you down because of your sexuality. Let the other guy know that you've come out to more friends (once you have) so he will get the idea that you're not afraid. Start with a female friend maybe, then share with her your situation with the other guy who's blackmailing you. please, do not allow yourself to be pushed around because you're afraid of being who you are. maybe not all people are accepting of gay people, but i am 100% sure that you will meet a lot of those who are open minded, respectful and supportive. You get outed? Fine! it is not the end of the world. It might actually be a beginning of a beautiful journey, one that is free and unrestricted by unfair standards. As of your parents, show them you love them and be more expressive than you usually are. be the good son you havd to be. Your parents will eventually find out (or not) but they will know that the important thing is that you are a good son and you love them, and that they love you too. Good luck to you.
I don't know any program that could do that without breaking the law. If you can find out his password, there is the Microsoft Remote Access program pre-installed on computers, but I think that is still technically hacking. You could always have an "accident" when upgrading his system and wipe his hard drive first. That is easy to do, and legal. But bloody obvious. I'd go with resu's suggestions if I were you, that seems more safe, legal and clever.
Hmm, options... 1. "Accidentally destroy his files". Or destroy his computer. Or anything. At most if will cost you some money but at least then your reputation will be safe. 2. Just tell everyone that it was a joke. Act like you don't give a crap. 3. Stop doing what he says and simply reply that if he does release any information about you, you'll do the same telling everyone he's also gay. Blackmail is against the law. In my opinion anything that you do to protect yourself is self defense.
Labas! Na, abu žinom, kad Lietuva nėra pati geriausia šalis, bet, vėlgi, priklauso ir nuo miesto kuriame gyveni. Užjaučiu dėl situacijos. Ar turi įrodymų, kad jis tave šantažuoja? Jei taip, labai greitai gali visą tai sutvarkyti. Galima nueiti mokykloj pas kokią socialinę darbuotoją ar kitą asmenį, kaip pavaduotoja ar direktorė. Gali kreiptis į vaikų teises, ar paprasčiausiai policiją. Minėjai, kad tas išgama (draugu ar žmogum nepavadinsi) liepė perrašyt windows'us tau. Perrašinėdamas windows'us gali corruptint'i backup copies. Arba hard'a sunaikinti- dar geriau visą kompą. Pinigų tai kainuos, but oh well. Ir jei kursi serverius tuos(kas tikrai nėra lengva, patikėk) pažeisi jo teises ir tarkim, bylos/teismo atveju ar tyrimo, tau blogai atsieis. Galų gale, lieka dar vienas būdas išsilaisvinti iš padėties, visai. Truth. Jei turi kokių klausimų ar šiaip norėsi pašnekėti, visada gali parašyti! Stay strong P.S. Būčiau ant wall parašiusi, bet neleidžia
First of all, many thanks to everyone for your support, it really means a lot to me. But I probably missed a few details about the situation of his computer: he has the evidence not only in his computer, but also in other storage units such as his Dropbox account or devices like his phone. Anyways I shall format/wipe his hard drive in order to install windows but he definitely (he said it himself and even showed me but I don't remember the directories/paths etc.) has made numerous backups of his important documents including that evidence. And therefore albeit I can get his computer atrociously damaged, he will be able to turn his phone on and share the file directly from Dropbox in less than a minute. His computer is quite expensive (personally, I have no idea where could I get 600 euros in the next few months) and the possibility to damage it unrepairably might not help due to his Dropbox. Most of his orders have been being given to me verbally, and I haven't recorded any of them thus unfortunately having no essential proof of blackmailing. The same applies if I were to prove that he is gay too - there is not even a single hint anywhere that he may be not heterosexual, and believe me - one and a half year ago I have been searching for anything that could prove that while he sadly was my straight crush for a half year back then. The rumors that he might have been gay (due to the fact that we used to hang out at school mostly together) had been going in our class for a long time. He is quite good in defending his position so a public confrontation with a contra accusation is not at all likely to be successful. And believe me, I would not call him a human either. Even a 'parasite' would be too nice name to call his existence and even Hitler could not have had such ideas like the ones I have heard from the aforementioned object. To conclude, I will most likely not try to infiltrate any program into his computer due to high menace of a failure (I'm not that experienced and he is once again a paranoic object) thus being caught as well as prosecuted. I don't want to get my hands dirty only because of such an parasite like him even if he has no conscience. My darkest fears are not due to my own acceptance of who I am (I had already come out to two of my best friends, reactions were appropriate and supporting) but rather the public hostility towards me (just as a discussion about LGBT commences, there is not a single supportive word towards the LGBT people, even from our teachers) and my parents' reaction after they and others eventually find out who I am. Therefore I just need a year to finish the school so that I can flee, no matter how sad and unpatriotic that sounds, less caring about how many medieval homophobes I leave in Lithuania.
I can only imagine your situation. I can't say too much because I'm not out to all of my family either. And you still living at home makes it harder to find that confidence to come out. I hope this guy backs off and grows up a little bit. You could try to reason with him about this situation. Tell him how you're feeling about his ridiculous behavior and ask him to back off. This deeply upsets me as I'm sure it does anyone who reads this. This is a serious attack on your personal being. Someone is trying to control you and manipulate you. I know what it's like to allow your feelings of pride and self worth to be damaged by another person. And I'd probably be right if I said a majority of people on EC felt the same way at one point in their lives. It's a common theme. Bullying of LGBT people still goes on in many parts of the world, and it has caused many deaths and damaged so many lives. It needs to stop. People can't continue to get away with it. I wish you wouldn't succumb to this guy. I understand your concern though, and respect you for making it through this situation. I know that things will get better for you after you leave. Make a new life for yourself. One you can feel in control. One where you can be happy. I hope the best for you velniopviska. We are all supporting you here on EC!! Take care.
