Got a boyfriend but I like girls... Help!

Hi there, welcome to EC. Questioning at your age is completely normal and you are most certainly not alone!

If you aren't sexually attracted to guys but you are to girls, it is possible that you are gay, but you're the only one who can decide that. You might, as you've suggested, think that guys are attractive, but not actually feel the desire to be with them. That's something a lot of people who identify as lesbians also experience. I'm not going to be one of those people who tell you that because you're 14 you can't know for certain who you're sexually interested in. I knew for pretty damn certain at your age so don't let it get to you if anyone doubts what you tell them. But also do beae in mind that sexuality can be a very fluid thing, and while it doesn't currently sound as though you like boys (that's just taken from what I know of you so far, so it's hardly a solid judgement) it's possible you might start to feel attraction to them at some point. If that happens, don't worry about it. Just follow your attractions as open-mindedly as possible and that should help you better understand yourself

Some questions to ask might be: can I see myself in a happy relationship with a woman? Can I see myself in one with a man?

I would recommend discussing this with your aunt but if you're not comfortable doing that, it's okay. I just think her insight and support could be valuable so do bear that in mind.


With regards to your boyfriend, that's really tricky. From what I gather,you like him a lodt as a person vut you are unsure about the physical side of things. Now, this is just my opinion, and other site members may well disagree, but what I PERSONALLY would do, is not break up with him, but let him know that I am questioning my sexuality and unsure of my attraction to boys. My thoughts are that, if he's a good enough guy and worth keeping around in any capacity, he should be reasonably understanding and sympathetic towards this. The reason I would do this is because I would not want to lead someone on, particularly someone who is clearly a nice person and I wwould want to keep as a friend if it turned out I was a lesbian. But I also personally would not break up with him unless I pretty much knew that I wasn't into guys. That is just what I would do in your situation. Really, it's your choice, so do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

With regards to your friends: you said if you ever told them about this, you don't know how they'd react. The way I see it, if they dont react well, they arent your friends in the first place. And remember that this is about you and not about them. Don't let other people get in the way of who you are.

Hope that helps x

 

If you think you are really having reservations on being with him, I'd say you'd have to stop leading him on, then. As much as you don't want to upset him, you would want not to hurt him further by making this relationship longer, or deeper in his eyes. It is unfair to him that your relationship is one-sided (as far as your details go), and tell him you might be better off as friends.


Right now, you're young and confused. You'd want to have to reflect on what you really feel inside. Take your time in doing so, sexuality is fluid, it changes. Let yourself find itself through time. There's no use in rushing.

Ortensia did say something that may prove useful to you

As for your friends, maybe try to drop some hints here and there, maybe talk about LGBT issues and news and see what their reaction is. Might be a good way to gauge their reaction.

Your Auntie might be your best go-to person right now, but if you don't feel comfortable telling her this, maybe phone a hotline for LGBT teens. I'm sure they have that in England. Or talk to your school counselor.


Good luck!