this is a tale of two friends and I am not sure where it is going - two tale in one -- last year a young man came into my families life - we meet him through the local theater and we all became instant friends - for me it was a huge deal as I have not had many male friends in my life - after the military that is - the last real close male friend I had ended up making out with my wife -- so you know where that went - but on to today - "john" and I hit it off right away and it seems like our live mirror each other all the struggles he is having I have had - money - family- acceptance - friendships - military careers - we have a ton of the same hobbies - cooking - comics - movies - food - the list is endless - but just recently I have become really attached to "john" like more than any st8 guy should - I will admit I seem to like both sexes - but have never "been" with another guy before - and have never cheated on my wife - but with "john" it seem like I may have fallen in love with him - I find a reason to talk to him everyday - we have two nights a week where we are at my house watching tv until the wee hours of the night - he sleeps in our spare room on those nights - we are often out on the weekends getting drunk and when he get sick I am there to rub his back as he's throwing up - and sitting with him as he lays down until he feels better - it like I care for him so deeply - he makes me smile by just walking to a room - we sit and talk for hours on end about him and life and just anything at all. We go to dinners at very nice places - just us - and its okay -- he had a girlfriend before the military but they broke up because he was going to be gone so long and far - he was really mean to her and they have never recovered - he says he still loves her but she is just a friend now - and wont consider dating him again. I have tried to get him hooked up with several girls before but he always says no- the girl - friends that we hang out with all adore him - he is very sexy - dark hair dark eyes - funny - out going - but he only likes them as friends he tells me -- he mannerisms tell me he might be gay - a good example is one night we went out with friends from work after the bar closed we went to someone's house by 530am I was ready to leave - he say - I am going to stay and drink more - (we all had stopped drinking hours ago) and it was just him and a girl and I - so I am thinking booty call - and was happy for him to get laid -- however the next day he told me nope - I don't like her like that -she was ready and willing --so I am not sure with him - my co works all say he's gay - and that we have a great Bromance - however, like I said I am not gay - I want to ask him just so I know - but I think that would be wrong - you don't ask people that -- do you? My wife says that we have something more than a friendship - and I agree - but I feel it is only a very close friendship - but then again as above am I falling in love with him? Any help would be greatly appreciated - I know this all runs together but I am still very nervous about all of this -
You never know until someone tells you directly, and even then they could not be telling the actual truth. For example, it seems from what you've written you may be bisexual, but you claim you are not gay, and your married to a woman. We can't answer for you who you are falling in love with. You're the only one who knows for sure. That said, if your wife suspects this is more than a friendship, you're not fooling anyone. So, maybe the first person you should be honest with is yourself. Who are you attracted to, and is it more than platonic? You could tell John you are questioning, and he may be more willing to share his own feelings, but don't ask him because he may not be ready. If co-workers think he is gay, then chances are he knows about the rumors. Also, remember you made a commitment to your wife first and foremost. You should at least be honest with her. If she gets upset or wants you to stop seeing John, you should at least listen to her and know the consequences. Don't just string her along because it's easier on you.
