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I'm dying inside, my heart is bleeding

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by kcde3314, Apr 19, 2015.

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  1. kcde3314

    kcde3314
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
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    Some people
    I'm engaged to the love of my life. When you're deeply in love with someone, sex is the glue that connects you. I love when we make love, its a beautiful thing. The problem is that she has no sex drive. We've been together a little over a year and we've only had sex once in the past 3 months. I've told her how it makes me feel unattractive, unloved, unwanted and disconnected from her but yet nothing changes. She's also quite unaffectionate in general. If I'm not the one making the effort to hug, kiss, cuddle, etc then it just doesn't really happen. I feel like she's slowly breaking my heart and I'm in constant emotional pain because of this. She's a great person and partner but the lack of intimacy is taking a huge toll. I tell her I need it and cry myself to sleep once again because there's no love making. Sex is very important in a relationship.. Don't you agree? Or am I being selfish? To top it off, she once told me that her and her ex girlfriend that she had 2 years ago (they worked together) that every day on their lunch break, they'd go to her house and have sex. Makes me wonder what's wrong with me. She says she's always suffered a low sex drive.. But apparently not with her ex. She says I'm the only woman she's ever truly loved and I'm perfect. But yet my heart is bleeding and she's the one slowly cutting it.. I just want this pain to end.
     
    #1 kcde3314, Apr 19, 2015
  2. jay777

    jay777
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    You could try a few things...

    first is she on meds ? They might be a reason, for example meds against depression... it might be possible to ask for other ones without this side effect.
    Birth control pills might have a similar effect...

    well concerning partnerships there might be two ways to have more sex...
    one is talking about intimate wishes and fantasies... without it getting out of hand...
    and one is to simply initiate intimacy, so she might get turned on in the process...
    its possible her ex did that...

    you might celebrate being together slowly... like lighting a few candles, and giving her a very sensual massage...
    if it interests you both, there are books on techniques and how to get your head free...

    and you could have a look here:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-physical-sexual-health/173950-masturbation-woes.html#6
     
    #2 jay777, Apr 19, 2015
  3. Miss PH fan

    Miss PH fan
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    You're not selfish at all. You have needs, like everybody else, and that's perfectly normal. The thing is: does she ever listen to you when you tell her that you would like to make love more often?
    It sounds to me like she's totally unaware of the way you feel. I think you've been patient enough. I mean, you girls are engaged and all, but have no sex? And you have been together for a bit longer than 1 year (usually, that's when couples enjoy intimacy at least twice a week). That's not to say what you feel for her (or viceversa) is less real, but don't you think it's too soon to tell she's the right for you?
    I think some more information is needed here. When did you propose to her? Was your sex live satisfying for you by then? Or did she change after the proposal?
    You're having trouble dealing with this, otherwise, you wouldn't be here seeking for advice. It's also obvious when you say that sometimes you cry yourself to sleep because there's no love making. You're suffering so much there, and that's unfair. I honestly don't think she notices or maybe care, 'cause she's telling you you're perfect for her, probably because you have been patient, but what is she doing for you? (I mean, in the sex field). Is she perfect for you, too? Stop and think carefully: if she really gives you what you need, go ahead and marry her, but if she doesn't please don't wait until you're married to end things.

    I really hope you find a solution or she realizes she has got to do something about it.

    Good luck!!(*hug*)
     
    #3 Miss PH fan, Apr 19, 2015
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