Hello all! Hope everyone is having a great weekend! I have written on here a lot about my past relationship (during and after it ended). Anyways, I will dive right in. He broke up with me almost two months ago. He had a lot of trouble with everything because he isn't out and he seemed to have a lot of anxiety towards dating. While we dated he would constantly over think everything. In the end he said he didn't want a relationship and that he had lost his feelings for me. It was his first and only relationship. Well, we still text a lot. We hang out too. He was a little hesitant at first. Now he seems to be flirty and fun. It send me mixed signals. I would love to bring up the idea of getting back together but...he seems to be happy where he is at.. He has said that he just wanted the time to do the things he needed to do. I have sense taken on a full time job in my field and have less time for a relationship. I just can't help but feel like he is entertaining the idea of us being a thing again. I am a little hesitant. When we broke up it really got me. I had thought I actually found someone I felt comfortable around and has such a connection with. Since, breaking up I have since worked on myself and went out on a few dates. I really don't seem to have any interest in dating anyone else. I want him in my life, even just as a friend. but, I am thinking that, in a way, this is a good thing so we can build a friendship and maybe expand from that. idk I am just ranting at this point. If anyone has ever been in his shoes and could offer his point of view. that would be great.
It takes two to tango. From what you've written, it wasn't your fault for the break up, so it is up to him to show he's really changed. I think you're doing the right thing about rebuilding the friendship, but don't let him get complacent and decide for the both of you when is flirting okay or not. That's not fair to you. If he sends mixed signals, tell him that and be specific. Say that you two aren't boyfriends anymore, so you don't want this friendship to be hot and cold all the time. Also, hang out with other other friends. It's good you're working on yourself, but is he really working on improving himself?
I mean he is struggling with coming to terms with who he is. He doesn't know if he is gay or asexual. He has seemed to have fallen back into his old way of life. He is very independent and not so worried about going to sleep alone and other such things. I know I put some pressure on him when we were together. He was so busy with work and school while I was graduated and didnt have anything but a serving job. So, I had more time to want to hang. Now, I have a job in my field and plus I still have my serving job. I am so mixed on my emotions. We hung out again on Monday. It was like the first time we met. We always have good conversation, always flirty in certain ways like messing with each other and giving each other crap...kind of the way people flirt in high school I guess. When I went to leave he sat on his step. I asked for a hug and he said "I don't hug my friends". I was taken back by this. I am wondering if he broke things off and distanced himself because he was afraid of change, afraid of coming to terms with himself. I just feel like we have a good relationship. We connect well. I jsut don't want to make any advances, I don't want to ruin what there still is. But, when I want more it makes me feel upset.
Sorry you have to deal with this. "I don't hug my friends" is really weird. I'm not the hugging type, but I will do it if someone asks. It does sound like you want something more than what is happening now, and he is perfectly happy with the current situation. Have you tried telling him he's sending mixed signals and that you are upset? What does he say about it. One thing I noticed is that you seem way more concerned for his feelings than vice versa.
i haven't mentioned he is sending mixed signals. I am worried about ruining the friendship...I like the attention...yet hate it. We hung out again today. Well, we were at the same race. We hugged this time...twice. Then his cousin was there and he introduced me to her. Everyone tells me I should just move on. i have been in a situation like this before only I wasn't trying to get the person back. I think he secretly wants the relationship back. Thinking he is scared for everything to go back to the way it was. But, things have changed now. I feel so pathetic for taking all this so hard. I just thought this time would be the one.
