I can't keep doing this and I need help

Honestly I get what you're saying here. As much as I want to say "you ARE normal, there's nothing abnormal about you, embrace your fabulous gay inner goddess and release it into the wild city streets!" I know what it's like to wish that you weren't LGBT+. Mine does not come from not being accepted, but more the fact of (dealing with this and figuring things out isn't even worth it, I'll just ignore it right?
Stuff like this can be confusing and extremely overwhelming. I wish that it didn't have to be and everyone could be as normal as everyone else, but sadly that isn't the case yet.

I'm sorry that that wasn't uplifting whatsoever and didn't even offer any advice, but I'm extremely tired right now an kind of half ranting because I have clue what to saye

---------- Post added 19th Apr 2015 at 11:03 PM ----------

The fact that I submitted that in the middle of a sentence is proof that I should not be trusted on the internet when I'm sleep deprived. I'm sorry, I'm going to go get sleep and sorry for wasting space on your thread XD

 

It's hard to read this post for me because I went through the same thing. What I learned and what I was reminded constantly when I was a kid was that it's wrong. Homosexuality is wrong. And guess what. I am a homosexual. I spent most of my life feeling the way you do. Denying myself... refusing to accept myself. That self loathing and denial was crushing. It took over my childhood, my adolescence, and up into my teen years. In fact, until I was 22 years old. 22 years of denying myself happiness. 22 years of not loving myself.

Well, I just got tired of my own bullshit. Two things were clear. I was done living my life for other people, and that I couldn't change my sexual orientation. So what did I do? I said fuck it. I'm gay and no matter what my family, my friends, or anyone around me thinks about me, it's not going to change the fact that I'm gay. And once I accepted myself... truly accepted myself, I didn't want to change.

Things were still difficult. I moved away from the small town i grew up in and into another state. A whole new environment. It was hard to keep everything together and there were times when I questioned my sexuality and whether or not I could be away from my family. There were forces fighting against each other and I had a tough time. I almost gave up and moved back home.

Time. It takes time. And effort. You've probably put in some time and effort. It may feel like you can't give any more. But you can. You're a lesbian. You like girls. So what? That doesn't even define you as a human being. That's your sexual and romantic preference. It's a part of you. The moment you not only realize that but really believe it is the moment that you can get past this.

Now your mother. She doesn't like it. She wishes you were straight. Well, someone else's mom wishes their daughter married a rich doctor instead of a deadbeat. Someone else's mom wishes their daughter didn't move 1,000 miles from home. Someone else's mom hates the fact that their daughter works part time as a stripper.... The thing is, she's your mom. She wants the best for you and wants life to go as smoothly as possible. There's also a little bit of selfishness in there. She would rather see you with a man because it's "normal", which would make her life easier. She would be seen as a woman with a "normal" family. Which, in her defense, is understandable. But guess what girl, there's no "normal" family out there. What the hell is normal anyway? It's all a fake picture of what a family should be, but behind closed doors there's so much shit that goes on. Nobody is normal and nobody is perfect.

One thing I've learned the hard way is that you are NOT going to please everyone. Everyone isn't going to agree with everything you do. No matter how much you bend and stretch to try to reach everyone's approval, it isn't going to happen. And you know what, you shouldn't try. You have to be you. You have to do what makes you happy. And even if it's your mother, you can't let her steal your happiness. Please don't do it. If she has a problem with you telling her about it, don't talk about it. Talk about other things. You don't have to talk about being gay. It's not something you have to discuss all the time.

She will come around. I believe it. Give her time. Let it sink in and don't force it on her. One day she'll see that you are much happier and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The most important thing right now is to think the same thing about yourself. You've heard it, you're sick of hearing it maybe. But it's true.... Things will get better. Your life will get better. Go out. Meet people. Get involved. Read more. Get more information. Listen to other's stories. You are not alone. So many people go through this. SO many people have been through this AND THEY BEAT IT. They worked at their self acceptance and surrounded themselves with positivity, made friends and surrounded themselves with people who accepted them and love them for WHO THEY ARE. Once you do the same, you'll see. Your life will change.

Loving yourself is the key to happiness. I had to find that out. And I am so grateful for the people who have helped me along the way, and I'm grateful for myself for actually listening. Your life will get better. Trust me and so many people on this site. We are all rooting for you and hope you can root for yourself.

I wish the best for you and hope that you find yourself. I know you can. Post any updates and keep looking forward to your new future. Take care.

 

You are very welcome. I'm glad you can take away from my advice. You're going to get through this spockbach. I can already tell. You're making progress everyday by being on your own and living your life. And the struggle.... that's really what it's about for us. The struggle makes us stronger. We can only go with the motions and surround ourselves with people who make us feel not only safe, but supported and loved. But there are so many small minds out there, and if we cross their path they can lash out at us. Those people can break us down if we let them. But that's really up to us. We can choose to ignore this because they don't know us. You know you. I know me.

I don't want another human being to feel the way I've felt most of my life. You and I have fought our way into the world. It's sad but true. But now we're here, we may have to fight to stay in it. To live our lives the way we want. That makes us happy. And you know what? It's good that we're fighting, and that more and more people are fighting to live their lives. To be who they are. Because one day, our efforts will make a difference. One day, children will grow up without having to fight. Without feeling like a freak. Without worrying about their parents and family disowning them. Without worrying about people judging them or hurting them... just because they are who they are. So I believe our struggles now are necessary.

You're tougher than you think. We all are. I hope you continue to find yourself and see just how happy you can be once you truly accept yourself.