Not actually sure that this belongs here, since it's not directly an LGBT+ issue, so if this isn't where it's supposed to be, I apologize in advance. It's been a while since I used these forums. Anyway, here it goes. I hate asking for advice about stuff, but in high school, did you guys ever have those kind of "friends" who would just swear up and down that they were there for you, but at every corner they'd consistently demean you and take every opportunity to put you down? I have about two friends like that, and quite honestly, they're my only two friends at my high school. No one's ever really liked me throughout my entire public school education experience, but I'm really having it up to here with these two people. They're well liked by the teachers in our school, so no action really ever gets taken against them. It's like I'm kind of at a crossroad here, you know? On one hand they're my only friends at my school, but being around them just upsets me, but on the other hand, having no friends is pretty upsetting too. I try to focus on schoolwork, and I do fairly well. I'm actually scheduled to go upstate for university. So my questions are these: 1. Should they be considered friends? I get that some friends use banter and the like and maybe I'm just taking things too seriously. 2. If they aren't friends, are no friends better than those friends? 3. Is university different? I'll probably have more questions later or something. Thanks in advance, EC community!
No friends are absolutely better than those friends. Even convenient friends should at the very least have a neutral effect on your life; but never a negative effect. I would imagine that there isn't much more time left until graduation. I would focus my time on finishing strong. Being by yourself can seem intimidating in the beginning, but I frequently enjoyed spending my time in the library on days that my usual crowd was absent in high school. University is extremely different. Many people will claim that everyone is different, but the reality is that there will still be plenty of people stuck in immature mindsets and everyone will not always be open and friendly. What changes in university is our own mindsets. You will eventually stop making friendships out of convenience and obligations. You will choose to keep those around that you will bring something worthwhile to the today and eliminate those that don't. It is ultimately up to your whether you want to make that decision on the first day or the final day.
Hey I think from my own past experiences that if they are doing more harm than good for you then they really probably are not your friends. I had a couple of friends in which I thought were really good friendships, but they were never really there when I needed them. They were there for the good, and absent for the bad. I gave one friend rides to places all the time and they just used me for their own benefit in the end. With that said if you enjoy their company then it could be worth staying friends with them. Although once college comes those friends may be hard to keep in the long run. After high school you feel you can pick and choose who you want to be friends with and who you don't. Good friends can be hard to come by at times. Most people I know are more into themselves than anybody else these days. But finding people with similar interests are better friends in the long run. University is different because as I stated earlier you become more independent and can choose your friendships and can meet new people. Just don't sweat it and enjoy high school while you still can!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate both of your kind words. If it's the case that I should stay on my own, should I let them know how I feel?
If you believe that they are the type of people who will take what you have to say into consideration, then let them know. If you believe that they will be the type to brush off and ignore your feelings, then I wouldn't waste the time.
No, they should not be considered your friends. If you dread being around them, I would say they are not your friends. However, as Gen said, you could try speaking to them if you feel comfortable doing so.
