I've been seeing a dude recently or for the past month actually and we are actually official now but there is one major problem. He is too good looking, it is almost off putting. This isn't an exaggeration either, we go to bars a couple times a week(usually weekends) and he literally get hits on every single time. One time a waitress was sitting in his lap stroking his chest, he was extremely uncomfortable with it. This is actually starting to bother me intensely. Every single guy I have been on a date with he has been on a date with, we spent the first two weeks together still active on gr**dr so he did prove it to me. All the cell phones numbers of guys I had been with were in his cell phone too. I was safe with them all so no worries on STD's....etc. The guy has literally been out with basically every guy on there, he didn't sleep with any of them, he says, and I do trust him on that. He is from Alabama and his parents are religious, his mom is a doctor, his dad is an engineer for the department of Defense or whatever the hell it's called. He has a solid upbringing and claims to have only been with 6 guys ever, all of which were relationships. He always says how surprised he was at how horny Canadians are; which a lot of us are. Everyone he's dated has been interested in him, so he sort of has a pick of whoever he wants. Anyway, I'm not into him for his looks, it's just a bonus. We literally have the exact same sense of humour, very similar world views, and from our first date to now, there hasn't been a boring, or dull experience. We always have fun, we are always laughing, and we can't keep our hands of eachother. Everything literally seems perfect, then I get little bit of self doubt whenever he gets hit on. Again I'm not exaggerating how good looking he is, he has modeled before; I actually asked him as a joke if he had, he said yes, then showed me the fucking gay magazine he was featured in. This put the nails in the coffin. I just can't seem to think why he would want to be with me. I know looks aren't everything, I went on date withs pudgier guys, or guys I wasn't too attracted too and I still enjoyed myself. But this isn't like a guy that is slightly more attractive than me, it is literally like he is Prime Rib and I am chopped liver. The only thing I'm confident in is my personality, I like my personality a lot because I can get a long with basically anyone; I can be anti-social if I feel someone I'm interacting with isn't genuinely interested in what I have to say or is just paying me lip service; I fucking hate lip service with a passion. So fast forward to now, and he is asking me to fly down to Mobile, Alabama with him to meet his parents. Like the guy genuinely is interested in me it seems, and I just can't get over why, when we first started dating I was literally just hoping to "fuck" him because I didn't expect a relationship to develop with him just based on his looks. But after the first date he tells me that I am the most down to earth person he has been out with, that he loves my personality, loves that I didn't treat him like a piece of meat(apparently everyone he was dating before wanted in his pants, I did too but i never give off that vibe). He also calls me cute and handsome constantly, but I just ignore it. I know I'm not just after his looks because if you knew me, you'd know I am actually highly critical of good looking people when it comes to personalities, I do not pay them special attention, if anything I actually treat good looking people a little bit worse than everyone else. They have to be funny, smart, and kind in order for me to even be interested because I know how you can be blinded by sexual desire. Anyway I'm rambling, but I actually have just been contemplating ending it with him just because I am afraid of getting hurt in the future and don't want it to happen. Everything literally seems to good to be true. He literally pays for everything for me because I am strapped for cash; even after me sneaking money into his pocket....etc, he already bought me presents from his last trip down south, he brings me something everytime we see eachother;the best I can do is buy him skittles because he loves them. He tells me he misses me not even a couple hours after seeing eachother, and that is what I love the most, I love when somebody I care about me is able to tell me sweet things on the regular without thinking there is a problem with it. We are both just massive corn dogs, we both love cuddling, we both love the same humour, we both have high sex drives, and just a bunch of other shit that makes us a perfect math. But again I can't get over the fact that he is so god damn good looking, I have like extremely low self esteem. He is 190 lbs 6ft 1, fucking ripped to shit, blondish hair, the craziest like teal coloured eyes; literally haven't seen that eye colour before, and is constantly smiling; for some reason I really like people that smile a lot. I on the other hand am 5 9 155 lbs(pretty small) brown fucking afroesque disgusting hair, acne scars, fucked up nose, mole on my face, can't get a good shave for the life of me....etc. I know looks aren't everything, but I just don't feel comfortable feelings so physically inadequate to him, I want him to be with someone he is genuinely attracted to, and I just can't see him being legit into me. Especially when we would go through G****r, I'd be getting a message like every half hour, and he'd be getting a new message every five fucking minutes. Everyone is into him, even my mom made a comment to me about how hot he is. When we swipe through the apps; we both deleted them to sort've solidify our relationship, he is critical of everyone that messages me and him, and I find basically 98% of the people that message me and message him to be attractive, so I know he is picky, he's even said he is very picky with who he ends up with. Bleh, I sound like a fucking highschooler, but I just can't get over it, or feel comfortable because I just feel inadequate. I had a psych appointment coming up that I missed because my car is broken and had no other way of getting there, and that was meant to start tackling my self esteem issues and now I am really in dire need of it. Basically I'm having trouble trusting him completely, am having trouble giving him my all when I feel this way. He literally shows every sign of being into me that he can, and I still ignore it and feel like it's all bullshit. I sort've did this to my last boyfriend, who was actually a really sweet and nice guy, who really did nothing but love me, and I some how fucked it up majorly. I just don't wanna do it again, and with meeting his parents soon, especially southerners who are wealthy and very well educated is starting to make me nervous as fuck. Has anyone dated out of their league? Has anyone had an actual long term relationship with someone out of their league? We both just seem like a perfect match on the inside, but on the outside I feel like he could do a thousand times better. The only thing that is keeping me confident is how I am with my personality. Most people that actually take the time to get to know me tell me I'm special; I know lame as afuck and conceited to say it, and I do literally mean that. Almost everyone that's ever gotten to know me tells me I am very unique and different from other people, and that I am just a lot of fun to be around. I reject real life friend requests constantly because again people really enjoy my company. Every co-worker I've been with has asked me to hang out with them outside of work, I mean from 19 year old snot nosed wannabe gangsters, to 56 year old ladies, I get invited everywhere, and it's been like this since I was a kid. For some reason I just can't accept that maybe my personality is strong enough for him to overlook my looks, and I also just can't feel comfortable knowing that he could physically do so much better than me, I know how boring and dull the majority of people are so I can sort've see how he'd be excited to be with me; because again I am fun if I feel the people I'm with are legit good people. I don't oogle over him either, I actually insult him jokingly as much as possible in an attempt to bring him down to my level. I always tell him "ya you're cute but don't let that get to your head, cause what this cutie won't do another one will" haha and he loves it cause it's a quote from a shitty southern rap song, and he likes that I don't think he's super special because of his looks. I've also talked to him about it, and he's reassured me, but it never lasts long. My mind is my own worst enemy, and I don't know how to shut it off. Take for example this nonsensical blurb of text I just spewed out in a matter of minutes. *I'd also like to note I am comfortable with myself physically, I just know where I stand, and I really think we are two worlds apart on a physical level, the only thing I have on him is a nice stomach from working out like a monster the past couple months. Other than that I am just a gigantic turd.
Wow. This was long but damnnnnnn, son. I am in no way qualified to give you advice, but I'd love to give a few words. These worlds apart have finally collided! You are his gigantic turd. I get that you're... insecure that he seems to get too much attention from everyone, but he has consistently proven to you that he wants to be with you. And that's amazing. It's quite rare to find someone like that, given that they're blessed with so much opportunities to fool around, he wants to be with you to the point that he feels like he needs to be with you (maybe he really needs to be with you). And connecting like that with someone, that's pretty amazing! I would kill to find someone who has so much in common with me, and is pretty much compatible with my pretty crazy self. Have a little more faith in him, and also to yourself. You're pretty much way more fabulous than all those other guys. And I would like to say that you're awesome. Never let yourself believe that you're any less than that. Best wishes to you! (*hug*) :smilewave
Just think: what if you were blind and everything everyone told you about this guy's beauty is useless to someone who can't see. Would you be disappointed? No, you never had such worries because all you can tell is how others treat you by action and inaction. Ultimately, you would not have written so much if you did not have reservations that you are not aesthetically his equal. The thing is, your personality is as much an arbitrary gift of genetics as his physical beauty. They are equally inborn and thus not inherently good or bad. It's what people do with their natural "capabilities" that determines if they are good or bad. If your boyfriend (just keep using that word; he's not just another "guy" or "cutie") regularly shows he values you, then accept his words and try to work on improving your own self-confidence. What else can you do? Worry some more? Try to get plastic surgery and weight-lifting (okay, getting fitter is not a bad thing)?
Sometimes we like a person's charisma. Between a fucking boring good looking guy and a funny, humorous average looking guy, I think most people would choose the average guy for a RELATIONSHIP; the good looking guy is just for fucking.
I can understand completely what you are saying. And I can relate to you in some sense. But the most important thing you must remember is that the more you value your self, the more other people will value you. Although I wouldn't advice being egotistical and vain. But being a little self-centered, proud and narcissistic will prove very beneficial for you at times. The most important thing I can say to you is that we teach people how to treat us. If you lead him to believe you are a charity case to him, he will only treat you that way. So although you might be insecure with yourself. You must not give others the impression that you don't value yourself highly. He is the one that is fortunate and privileged to find someone with an amazing character and personality like yours.
What do you mean he's out of your league? I've seen your profile pic, you're cute!! Seriously relax and enjoy this relationship, if he was going to leave you, he'd have done it by now.
I don't know why you think you aren't handsome. But you do. I am very self critical of myself and people tell me I'm good looking, handsome, etc. So the battle is definitely internal. I know how you feel. But your boyfriend is attracted to you, and I can see why. You are an attractive guy. But from what I gather, you have a very contagious personality that people also find attractive. That is a pretty rare quality, that goes so much further than a pretty face. Your boyfriend has told you this himself, and obviously loves you for it. You don't have anything to worry about, trust me. You've got the whole package. I don't just want to tell you what you want to hear, and I don't want to water down the importance of a great personality... but you are good looking. I saw your picture and again I can see why your boyfriend is so attracted to you. Work on your self-esteem. It seems when things are going good for you, you have a tendency to not believe it or trust it. So you push it away. I get nervous when things seem too good to be true, because of my troubled childhood. What I told myself is that once I started loving and respecting myself, other people sensed that confidence. So now, I go with the flow and finally realize that I am worth it. I deserve every great thing and every great person that comes into my life. And so do you. Be proud of yourself and love yourself. You have nothing to worry about.
Obviously he does not think your out of his league and he has been out with s bunch of guys, so he knows. Watch how over time your own confidence grows and then that starts attracting other guys. See how he reacts I say this from experience. Enjoy it!
Most all the girls and guys I have dated I have been super comfortable with. But there was one guy I dated who I felt was out of my league. I feel like I am a 6... if I really work on my self with a lil makeup and do my hair then maybe a 7. This guy I would rate as a 9. And I'm just a low maintaince country girl. And he was this classy city boy... so yeah I broke up with him because I was insecure. Turns out I was stupid for doing that cause he really liked me a LOT. My current boyfriend and girlfriend, I origninally wasn't that physically attracted to either one. Yes, they are less better looking than I am... but I am not that great of a catch either. And how shallow would I be to judge them based on their looks? The more I was around them, the more attractive they have become to me. Also, there is more to relationships than looks. I am not with them because omg they are sooo hot! I am with them because I love who they are. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason. Trust that he wants to be with you.
Haha thanks man, you honestly made me smile reading that, especially the you are his gigantic turd part. For some reason that really communicated with me. I'm honestly confident in myself, it's just hard dealing with having everyone hit on him. He was given free beer yesterday when we went to a bar, just because he told the bartender he didn't like the beer he ordered. When I go out, people don't give a shit if I like what i ordered. It's almost even, just seeing the way he gets treated is bothering me. I'm not even jealous, I just hate that humans treat better looking people like they're special when they really aren't at all. ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 04:32 PM ---------- This is partially true; the bold, but I think my personality comes from having to actually work for peoples attention versus actually just being given it by default. I wasn't born with my sense of humour, or my mannerisms, I just sort've grew into it. Personality can also be faked obviously; I don't think humour can. I actually am saving up for a nose job because it got deformed when I worked moving furniture, some asshole bashed a boxspring mattress into my face and my nose got bent and it absolutely drives me nuts now, I basically can't look into the mirror without getting depressed; this is actually the main reason I feel so inadequate to him. I felt like I was normal looking before, and that asshole I worked with that bashed it ruined it all.Then I worked for a couple years with a very attractive guy who used to tease me about my acne, and my nose on the daily; I ended up quitting because I couldn't handle it and it was a decent paying job. So that's guys insults, plus my nose being slightly bent, has ruined my confidence and it feels permanent. ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 04:34 PM ---------- It's more the fact I feel he is eventually going to want someone he is sexually attracted too, I can believe he enjoys mypersonality, can't believe that he'd want to sleep with me, which he does everytime we hang out basically. I think a lot of it is from a previous relationship I had, were the guy sorta strung me along until he found someone better. I sort of am nervous this is going to happen again.
Even if you aren't sexually attracted to a person from the start, you might become sexually attracted to them later. And who's to say he is not sexually attracted to you? He very well may be. If he acts like he is, he probably is. Don't beat yourself up.
