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How can I just stop thinking about her?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by IwillBeStrong, Apr 23, 2015.

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  1. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    I met a girl, had a thing with her for 4 weeks, she was super shy just as I am and never opened up about herself altough I did make an effort, I asked her out, she was unsure because we didnt really knew each other for long (obviously because she wasnt opening up!!) enough but every night we went out we would make out and she told me she liked me but she wants to take everything really slow, we had some arguments, she got accepted in a uni abroad for a year, after that we stopped talking to each other (she stopped talking to me). What bothers me now is


    1) I dont understand why she is not talking to me or what I have done wrong! Expect maybe asking her out.
    2) All her friends are acting as they are hating me and I dont understand what I have done to them. I still cant stop thinking about what could have been if we got together

    3) How can I get "over" her, is it a bad idea to write her again?, altough I was the one who initiated contact the last 3 times and she did reply in very short messages as she always does. She literally seems to ignore me. But I'm not sure either.

    Sometimes I still go around places where I know she would be around just to meet her. I dont wanna be like this anymore, I dont wanna care about her as she really doesnt seem to care about me either.

    Any help is appreciated! :frowning2:
     
    #1 IwillBeStrong, Apr 23, 2015
  2. kingdom1830

    kingdom1830
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    Be vulnerable. And if she doesn't give you positive response, you will get over her very soon.

    That's what I did. Like you, I constantly went to the library in my college just to meet him and kept thinking about him, but I knew I couldn't waste my time on him anymore, so I asked if he was gay and liked me via text; at the time, he was the only guy I came out to and the first guy I admitted I liked him (that's my vulnerable part). He didn't give any positive response; he even said he didn't recognize me (well, we didn't know each other well except having a class together) even though I knew he was lying (the way he looked at me couldn't be fake). After that confession, I avoided him like 2 weeks, and during those weeks I healed very quickly. It happened like a month ago, but now I could say I don't think him about as much as I used to.

    So, I think the reason you keep thinking about her is because you think there's still a chance between you two. But if a girl doesn't want a relationship, there's nothing you could do, and the best option is to spend you time wisely on someone who's more willing to open up. Hence, you should kill that thought by being vulnerable (confess you feelings towards her, or other ways). This way, you won't have any wishful thinking anymore.
     
    #2 kingdom1830, Apr 23, 2015
  3. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    [/COLOR]
    Hey Kingdom1830!
    To be honest thats exactly what I did. I told her that I liked her and asked her out and she said yes in the beginning but afterwards told me that she doesnt know if she's ready for it. She is also very, very shy (even shyer than me) and felt very uncomfortable about dating. She has told me before that she is attracted to me but she is unsure about dating a girl at the moment. We agreed that we are "just" going to be friends but I think I see more in her than a friend. What bothers me beyond her "rejection" is that this is the first time I told a girl I like her and was vulnerable but got hurt again. And yeah you are absolutely right ... I should rather spend my time on someone who is willing to open up. I believe until I find someone else who I can be interested in I wont get over her? I'm trying my best tough!
     
    #3 IwillBeStrong, Apr 24, 2015
  4. resu

    resu
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    1) You could try asking her why she is not talking to you. Don't wait for an answer; some people just prefer to ignore others rather than being mature and open about their choices. It could be she has found someone else.

    2) What other people say about you is not your business. All you can do is continue being true to yourself and not gossiping or doing bad things to others. The truth will come out eventually, at least with those who know you.

    3) I think you should set a clear limit to yourself that after you write to her once (don't drag things out), then you will move on and look for others. You can't keep waiting on her forever, so just try and start hanging out with your friends and going on dates with more women. Just keep trying even if at first things aren't working. You cling on to this girl because she showed some interest in you; don't believe she is your only chance at love. You will find a woman who is less fearful about showing her love to you, and this girl will be a distant memory.
     
    #4 resu, Apr 24, 2015
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