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family member that is still in the dark

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by rainbowdrops94, Apr 24, 2015.

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  1. rainbowdrops94

    rainbowdrops94
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    My Nan on my father's side is well, very old fashioned. I have been with my gf for 3.5 years now, friends from school. Yeah cute... Right? But she still don't know the full extent of our relationship. She thinks we are just really close friends. We live together in her parents house currently. My Nan thinks I am in a different room. Any way, she said to my mother whilst watching JK , "if either of your 2 turn out gay I will disown them" to my mother. I can't talk with my mother openly about things that happen between me and my gf (like bank accounts,credit rating, moving in together and such) because she's the only one in the family who is unaware.

    My gf comes to every family thing. My cousins ask (in front of her) if we will ever have kids... We then have to give her a strange look and gesture to my Nan. Luckily she is some what deaf. But it's the walking around on egg shells that I hate. It's like my life has to be on hold till she dies. It's really sad and I hate it.

    Any advice welcome....Any reasureing words also....or any one who has been in a similar situation
     
    #1 rainbowdrops94, Apr 24, 2015
  2. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    Hey rainbowdrops!
    I unfortunately cannot realte to you as I haven't come out to any of my family because most of them would say something/think the way your Nan does and I'm scared to be disowned so consider yourself to be very lucky that its "only" your Nan who you are most afraid to come out to :slight_smile: Besides that as you may know it is very difficult for older people to wrap their mind around the fact that their children or grand children may be lgbtq+. She may have been brought up in a conservative environement or in an environement where there where not many lgbtq+ people around. Also she might have stereotypes about lgbtq+ people in her mind which makes it difficult for her to accept us. Even tough you cannot change your Nan, and altough the comment she made was very rude and ignorant, we cannot say how she would actually react if you came out to her. It may take her some time to adjust to it and wrap her head around the fact that you are homosexual but eventually I'm sure she will see/accept you for who you are rather than your sexuality. Obviously you might wait until she is dead as you mentioned but do you really want that? Also do you want to wait that long?
    Have a think about it. I hope you'll do the thing that feels mostly right to you.

    All the best, dear! :slight_smile:
     
    #2 IwillBeStrong, Apr 24, 2015
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