Is anyone in a open relationship? I still don't understand the concept behind this. Is it when two are together in an actual romantic relationship but engage in strictly recreational sex with others?
I would say yes but that's not only what it is. People in an open relationship would have to communicate well and decide together what they interpret their open relationship to be. I believe that two people can be in an open relationship, where they only want their partner to have someone else for a sexual relationship and not form an actual romantic/sexual relationship, while others may be fine with their partners forming actual romantic/sexual relationships. More or less, I interpret an open relationship as just another way to say a polyamory relationship. Although that's just me, idk if anyone would disagree with that or see it differently, thats just the way I have come to know the term. -Fate
Since Fate brought poly up, I'm going to talk about it as well, even though the OP might not care. I would say an open relationship is about sex, whereas polyamory is about love. Polyamorous people can fall in love and maintain romantic (and often sexual) relationships with several people at once, whereas people in an open relationship are only in love and in a relationship with one person, but they've mutually agreed on having sexual encounters with other people. So basically, OP, your definition is correct. I'm not in an open relationship, but if a partner wanted one, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.
I pretty much agree with that definition. But from what both of you said, the guy I'm going out with is proposing more of a polyamory relation instead of simply an open relationship. And that is kind of a dealbreaker for me. I don't mind recreational sex. But loving multiple people, that seems too slippery for me :T
I don't know what's "slippery" about it, but poly certainly isn't for everyone. Talk it out with the guy you're seeing, to make sure you've understood what he wants and he understands what your boundaries for the relationship are. You guys have to work it out between the two of you.
I'm not interested in open relationships, but as others have said, but open relationships are about seeking sex elsewhere, while in many cases the romance part is usually still "monogamous" in nature. Poly would be the opposite; It's about having multiple boyfriends and/or girlfriends. I'm actually the opposite of you. I'm okay with sharing my partner romantically, but I'm not okay with sharing them sexually.
I am in an open relationship with my husband. We're open in terms of allowing recreational sex outside the relationship (with consent). However, the emotional aspect absolutely has to be monogamous. A poly relationship is different as that means there will be emotional and sexual sharing. Most couples I know who say they're in an open relationship only mean they allow recreational sex, not emotional aspects (falling in love) outside the relationship, that seems to denote more of the poly concept.
What defines consent? You have to tell your partner before the act or you just have to be honest about what you have already done? For example, you go out with a friend and have sex with him. You tell your husband that you've been with that friend sexually after the act, or before? How do you manage this? Or you just say that you are going out with that friend (your husband is not around) and that you might or might not sleep with this out-of-relationship guy/girl? I know I'm sounding legalistic about this. But after doing some research, and from the input you guys have been offering, I found out that poly/open relationships do have rules and from what I understood, they often have more rules, definitions and interpretations than monogamous relationships. Next time I have a conversation with my "boyfriend" I want to be fitted with the necessarily knowledge to handle this. I don't want to end something potentially good without being as rational as possible about it, as much as I want to be rational to carry it on if we establish clear boundaries about what to do and what not to do.
In our relationship, our agreement is to let the other partner know beforehand. We're just more comfortable knowing and we don't like surprises. The agreements and comfort levels obviously vary per couple, so therefore some may let one another know after sex has happened and further down the spectrum there are those who have a "no details" or don't ask don't tell agreement. It takes both of you deciding together what works and makes you happy.
Okay so there is a difference on open vs poly. I always assumed they were the same thing, but open is just sexual. Good to know. Learned something new
I don't really feel like I am in a polly relationship or a purely sexual open relationship either... nor is it 100 percent monogamous. I say my relationship is somewhat polly, somewhat open. I met my boyfriend first and fell for him first. I got really depressed one time though and really missed being with women and didn't even feel like doing anything sexual with him. This was only a few months into our relationship; I hadn't fallen in love with him yet. I felt like I needed time to figure this out. But he proposed something else. He was cool with me having a girlfriend also. I eventually did find a girlfriend and told him about her. For me, she is not a sexual side girl though. I can't do just sex. I care about her and love her. I spend time with her, go on dates, cuddle...etc. She definately has a piece of my heart. I'm not gonna lie and say she has a big piece of my heart though. I fell deeply in love with my boyfriend and he has the biggest piece of my heart and always will; he's the best thing that ever happened to me. But I do love my girlfriend also; she is a big part of my life and means much more to me than just a sex object. She is ok with not having me completly though because she has a boyfriend also. I would never sleep around with more guys or girls. I discussed things over with my boyfriend prior to finding my girlfriend. Also, my boyfriend is bi. And I told him if any time in the future he feels like he wants a boyfriend, I am totally ok with that. As long as it's only one guy... no sleeping around... and he tells me about the guy and lets me know when he is gonna be with him so I am not expecting him to be with me that day... like a heads up " I won't be seeing you such and such day because I'll be with him." Anyway... it's kind of complicated but that's our arrangement, and it works for us; but it doesn't work for everyone... not for everyone. Talk to your boyfriend and find out exactly what he wants and tell him what you are ok with and what you are not ok with. ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2015 at 06:48 PM ---------- If he is worth it, he will respect your boundaries.
Your description is really intersting. It doesn't go into black and white definitions of relationship. Well, I feel I should just keep it this way with him then. He has been with me for over a month now, and he only had a single casual encounter so far. I've been talking to some other guys too (and he is aware of that) but no encounters so far on my side. I'm the only person he has been seeing sexually and emotionally in a regular basis, and and its the same regarding him and me. Of course, that is presupposing he is speaking the truth. We had a conversation about falling in love with another person, and it went ok. It left it clear that I feel I can only really "love" a single person at a time although I'm perfectly okay with other casual encounters, as long as we both commit to using condom and being really careful about STDs, including telling each other if we are talking/flirting with other people, with who we went out with and what we did if it gets to the sexual health side of things (not necessarily giving out details, if not needed). To be honest, at this point, I guess its ok as long as this relation is built on top of honesty.
