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Mom, please don't do that

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hh43dd, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. hh43dd

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    the Netherlands
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Just recently my mother went away for a short week with school. I was happy, as surprising as it sounds, even though I was going to miss her for a while it felt like I could do whatever I want when she's not around.
    For example, she once rubbed my back on purpose. "You're not wearing a bra" she said, and I asked her why the heck she'd rub my back. "oh, I saw your sports bra (my alternative for a binder)" she told me. Ever since I've been extremely wary of anyone rubbing my back, as I'm not out yet and I'm frightened people will say something.
    She also likes to do things such as walk in my room without asking me first (the binder problem again, as well as my scars I don't want anyone to see) but I've managed to make sure she asks about 60% of the time now. Another thing is that she slaps/touches my butt when she wants me to hurry up or something, but I don't appreciate it at all and it's making me very uncomfortable. She does this a lot. I'm sure she means well, but I've tried talking about it and she does it again and again. I feel like I'm being treated like a 10 year old.
    Should I just try to talk to her again? Once when I did this my mother told my dad and ended up in tears because "I didn't love her" or something. I don't know. It's bothering me a lot. :help:
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Well you might tell her that its not nice what she does...

    She seems to be a touchy person, meaning she likes to touch. I'd say its ok if its gentle touches and done to affirm closeness.
    But as you describe it she uses it to do it in a not positive way, pushing you.

    You might tell her that. Just stating how it makes you feel, and what you would like to have. Not getting upset or making personal reproaches, but explaining it makes you feel uncomfortable.
    Same for your room.
    You might say it makes you uncomfortable if you do not know if someone enters.

    It might be she wants some kind of closeness. You might give her something like a regular chat over a coffee during the day... something like that... if you feel that way. Telling her this is a way to be together...

    So she would be reassured but you would have some private space.

    hugs
     
  3. wasgij

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    A mum that always bursts into your bedroom and somehow never remembers to knock? Yeah, I've got one of those. You could try special training and signs on the door, but let's face it, you're dealing with the previous generation of breeders: a pair of people who have been fully assimilated into the evolutionary Borg. Their vivid memories of you as a naked 2-year-old probably make it a struggle for them to listen and treat you as a "real person".

    You'll just have to move out and reduce contact, when the time is right, of course.