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Have I ruined a friendship? (w/long backstory)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bluecornjr, Apr 25, 2015.

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  1. bluecornjr

    bluecornjr Guest

    A few weeks ago I was at a track meet and there was this really cute guy and my heart was literally racing over him. So the track meet ends and I go to the store and it just happens that he was there so we talked for a few minutes and then he had to leave to catch his bus.

    Fast-forward a day and we found each other on Facebook. We talked and it was apparent that we were flirting and we Skype'd and everything.

    Fast-forward a week(Sorry this is long)- I thought that everything was cool but then I woke up and I got a message from him and it said "I like a girl. I'm sorry but it's not gonna work"(he's bi) I was a little mad b/c he did it at like 2 at night so I couldn't respond immediately. So I thought we were done and I wouldn't here of him until the next track meet.

    I was wrong.

    So the following Monday I walk into school and one of my friends (he's also gay) was talking about this guy from the track meet and so I asked who it was(i was just curious). And so he told me about him and the whole time I was trying to figure out who it was.

    Who was it? You guessed it: The guy that I was talking to that said he liked a girl so it wouldn't work out.

    At first I was pretty chill about it but then he started talking about him more and more and I started getting jealous. I started getting uber jealous.

    I forget how it came up but somehow relationships came up and he was talking about him and I mentioned how I was talking to a guy but he said that he liked a girl and then started talking to a guy.(i was throwing hella shade) He asked "who was it" and i said "the guy you're talking to" and the table went dead silent. I left so that everyone wouldn't be awkward but I really wanted to cry.(i can get emotional at times)

    So every since then, he hasn't mentioned him that much and it's been a few weeks. I kinda feel bad b/c you can tell that he's uncomfortable around me now but I don't want a guy to ruin our friendship.

    What should I do? I still wanna be friends but I don't know how I would repair our friendship.
    Also was I wrong for throwing shade?
    Please be honest with me.

    Thanks! And Sorry for it being soooo long.
     
    #1 bluecornjr, Apr 25, 2015
  2. stumble along

    stumble along
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    I'm confused, so the guy you were talking to said he liked a girl and then started talking to your friend? Because that's not cool.

    No before I mention anything else I'd just like to say your feelings are 100% valid and what I and other people say are just our own opinions. People can't tell you what you shouldn't be feeling.
    anyway!

    If that's the case that he lied to you and then started talking to your friend, and your friend was talking about it non stop, then I can completely see where you are coming from. I would go to your friend and just say sorry about making things awkward, and explain your feelings. If he's a good friend and understands he'll probably apologize about talking about him all the time and making you feel upset.

    As for the guy, if he lied to you so early on when he could have been honest he isn't worth the trouble and honestly both you and your friend should just not bother.

    Bros before... other bros? Idk
     
    #2 stumble along, Apr 25, 2015
  3. ouji

    ouji Guest

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    I'm a bit confused on the situation. But in my opinion, if you were throwing shade maybe just give him an apology and talk it out. If you two are good friends you will work it out. It's always best to be honest with someone.
     
    #3 ouji, Apr 25, 2015
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    What I think I'm hearing is that you met a guy (let's call him A), talked to him, felt a connection... but then A told you he'd met a girl, and that he was bi, and was going to pursue things with the girl.

    You then talked to another (male) friend at school "B", and found out that A was pursuing B. You then talked shit about A to B.

    If I've got it right, there are a couple things here:

    -- I don't get the impression there was anything serious between you and A, but you'd both been talking and both seemed somewhat interested. As such, there was no commitment or expectation that A would not talk to someone else.

    -- It wasn't cool that A didn't tell you his other interest was a guy, but at the end of the day, it was really immaterial; whether it was a guy or a girl, he simply wasn't feeling connection with you, and was with someone else. That's no bad reflection on you. It hurts, but it happens all the time. He was likely trying to be kind and not hurt your feelings.

    Were I in your situation, I would:

    -- Talk to A. Tell him, directly, that you said some crappy things about him to B, that it was wrong, you were hurt, and it wasn't OK and you'd like to apologize.

    -- Then do the same with B.

    I wouldn't try to lay blame anywhere else.

    If you're open, honest, and completely own your behavior, then you've done everything you can do. Hopefully they will appreciate your integrity and you'll be able to fix things.
     
    #4 Chip, Apr 25, 2015
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