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Noak's Ark

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tscott, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. tscott

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    Maybe it's Rochester, but it is as if everyone is paired up. I realize this is not reality, but it feels that way to me. Since the end of my marriage, those who been interested in me are partnered. I really don't get polyamorus relationships. I want to be the steak, not the mashed potatoes. I've not been all that sexually active an am currently two guys, both of whom are partnered or married. It's fun, but hardly satisfying. I'm not sure how I feel about being the bit of stuff on the side. I even went on a bear run. Met someone who also had a partner.

    What's wrong with me? Why am I attracting these guys? I'm going my first date Sunday with someone whose unattached in ages, but I see it as more of friend thing.

    What I am finding unsettling is that I'm developing feeling for the guy who is married (to another man), and I think it's mutual...hell, I know it's mutual. He's said he loves me, which I've taken with a grain of salt. I don't see him as leaving his spouse. He just keeps saying gay relationships are different from straight ones.

    I'm late middle-aged and really don't want to play games, but what if this is as good as it gets? :bang:
     
  2. izzywillynilly

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Gay relationships are not different from straight ones, as in they are both healthy relationships that need their due attention!

    When I first broke with my ex, I was always being hit on by married guys. I thought maybe it was some kind of bat signal I was giving out to creeps or something.

    If your long term goal is to engage in a loving and monagamous relationship, you have to set these married men to the curb. They are only delaying you from seeing your true worth. At the same time, you must also take care of yourself by treating self well.

    I see a lot of me in your post. After a few schmucks, I found my partner. There are still a lot of fears that I will be left by the wayside, but that's insecurity talking.

    I believe that for every person, there is another waiting to love and be loved in return. I think you should be more kind to yourself and understand your relationship goals. A married person is not going to give you what you seem like, gauging from OP, you want.

    The first and greatest love should be for ourselves, so that we become strong and nourished like trees with established roots and are comfortable with who we are to the core.

    I'm an idealist. I do think you can find someone who will not treat you like a side option, but you have to stop treating yourself like an option too. Engage in more activities like hobbies or something, or volunteer somewhere at a place related to your interests. At least you'll be more primed to find someone who shares mutual interests and can go from there.

    Just my $0.02 worth.
     
  3. tscott

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    Thanks. It's sound advice. I am involved with two organizations. I've developed many good friends there, and not to sound whiny, but this is where I'm seeing all the couples. None of the two people I've been seeing are in these groups. I know better than to play where I work, so to speak.

    All this is stop gap and poor substitute for a caring relationship. Thanks for reminding me. The only excuse I can offer up is that it gets very lonely after having been in a marriage for 25 years. It's nice to be wanted again, but the cost of this is very high, as I see now.