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How to handle a roommate

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Grounded Eagle, May 1, 2015.

  1. Grounded Eagle

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    Hi everyone,

    I'm going to grad school this fall and will be renting an apartment for the first time (I lived at home and commuted for my first four years of college). I want to have an apartment to myself, but being short on funds, I may have to get a roommate. The thing is, I've been wondering how this gets handled. Do you have tell someone up front that you're gay, in case they're homophobic or something?

    No straight person has ever been able to tell I like guys, so I really have to spell it out for them. On the one hand I'm mortified about telling strangers I'm gay (especially guys, whom I often find intimidating), on the other I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll be building myself a nice new little closet to live in for the next two years.

    I've never been to this university before, so rooming with someone I know is out of the question. I'm anxious for many other reasons as well about living with a roommate, so... :help:
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    You don't have to, but if you are able to, I would recommend it. I think your comment about building a new closet is very true and it would be better to not have that worry and additional anxiety. If you are rooming with someone you don't want to have to tip-toe around them and consider every word for two years - imagine how exhausting that might be.

    Would you like to say more about being anxious?
     
  3. Gen

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    Another option would be to include "LGBTQ friendly" when advertising for the roommate. This will likely clue them in on the fact that the living space must be LGBTQ friendly without having to explicitly have that conversation with them. Most people who would care will turn away at that point.
     
  4. stumble along

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    And while you may be rooming with a stranger there are sites and apps and face book groups that allow you to meet people who need a roommate.

    Kinda like a roomie matching service.
     
  5. Grounded Eagle

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    Thanks, guys, I feel relieved knowing that I have these options. Like I said, I've never rented an apartment before, so I'm clueless about the process.

    Patrick, my problems with anxiety probably deserve a separate post, so I'll just say this much for now. I get anxious about any social occasion, about being noticed and potentially judged as inadequate. Even going outside the house where I think people can see me requires some mental prep. Doing anything, no matter how insignificant, that people might judge me for makes me fret. I'm hyper-conscious of my appearance, posture, and speech when I'm in view of unfamiliar people, and this usually leaves me exhausted afterwards, so I avoid these situations when I can and often get upset when I can't. It's totally irrational and automatic.

    One of the results of all this anxiety is that I don't make friends. I can usually make a good first impression, but after that I don't know how to and am not confident enough to take the relationship anywhere. If I spend any amount of time with someone, I end up getting quiet and awkward, and they think I don't like them. At my last job, I thought I had managed to make some friends, but the truth is we never did anything but work together, and I exaggerated our "friendship" in my mind (with some awkward consequences!). I can't imagine what living with a roommate is going to be like.

    Anyways, thanks again everybody! I've barely posted on EC before, but I hope to more often.