I met a guy from another country on a language learning site a few years ago. Being naive and inexperienced, I thought I must be in love (though I still don't know what that means). We Skyped in secret for awhile (both living with homophobic families), then I found out he had a big religious problem with his own sexuality. He even cut me off for awhile after Easter, wanting to "renew himself with God" or whatever. At that point I realized our relationship was a farce, and that I had been an idiot. Building a life together was a fantasy, not practical, plus I had the slightest suspicions that he was hiding things from me (possibly a girlfriend? and a baby?). It was all so surreal, and I was shocked at my own childishness. I broke things off, and we ended up losing contact. Now after some two or three years he's messaging me again. I'd supposed that he'd decided to act straight and just wanted to talk to me for closure, so I agreed to Skype. He confessed his undying love and even mentioned things like wanting to be with me and getting a VISA. He says he was an idiot to lose me, etc. This scares me, not only because he's so intense about me whereas I'd gotten over him, but also because I seem to lose my good judgement with him. Darn it if he isn't so handsome and romantic that he makes my head go blurry. I thought I had ended things, and now we're video chatting again? What the heck? He's a bit older than I am, so I suspect he might be feeling lonely and desperate, or just in love with romance and needing an outlet for it (his romantic style tends to be over-the-top sentimental). At any rate, I told him we'd be friends, but it seems like he's planning on more than that. When we talk, he gets all romantic no matter how clear I am that we are FRIENDS only. I've never had a real, physical relationship before. Being shy, I've hardly even begun to meet other people. I've only had this fantasy-based thing with him. I know people meet this way all the time, but I can't see it working out--I don't even know if I want it to. I would rather meet someone in person and let things progress naturally, not fall in love with an image on a screen. It just doesn't feel real to me. So please please please, help me get some clear perspective on this, friends! My head feels like a washing machine spinning round and round inside. :eusa_doh:
Do you think that he genuinely wants to have a relationship or is he again just "passing time"? A lot might have happened in those few years and he may have come to accept himself. Maybe the best thing to do would be to ask him point blank about this to ensure that he's not hiding some secret past (or present) which would ultimately be a dealbreaker and cause you both anguish. I haven't had a real relationship either and I can understand the desperation which can come at times when you feel your affection's being reciprocated by a "handsome" guy. You construct a fantasy of a life with him with all Hollywood clichés, right? ;-) Here're some things which help me - dunno if they help! 1. Accepting one's sexuality/coming out does NOT mean that you can find true love in a day. It's going to still take time. It might even take years. Don't rush into things. 2. There will always be other guys who are handsome AND who might genuinely want to be with you. Looks will one day fade, true companionship won't. 3. Life is not equal to romcom+hollywood movies. Yes, true love can (and hopefully will) sweep into your life but it need not happen in the way you might be imagining. Good luck managing that washing machine! Shoot me a message on the wall if you want to talk about it - even I'm trying to figure out ways to be rational.
Thanks Closeteer! I tried to reply to your earlier post, but since I'm still a newbie (under 10 posts) I can't write on anyone's wall. I get the feeling that he really wants to be with me. What shook me up is not knowing whether it's just his wishful thinking or whether he actually means to do something about it. But now that I've had a chance to digest things, I think our silly little internet amour needs to stay were I left it--in the past. Just to clarify, I'm not really hung up on his looks. Handsome faces are nice, but a beautiful mind is what really catches my interest. He's really sweet and seems to want that same companionship you mentioned, which is why I liked him in the first place. I guess I'm guilty of harboring a few Hollywood fantasies of my own, but I'm not desperate for him or anyone else, even if I get lonely alot. I know that if I keep working on bettering myself and becoming someone I would want to share my life with, I'll be ready for love when it comes my way. Best advice I've ever got. Don't worry, I've calmed down now. The machine is done spinning and I'm hanging the laundry out to dry! :lol: (Sorry, I like this metaphore.)
