1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My boyfriend is making me disappointed about our relationship...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by QueerTransEnby, May 3, 2015.

  1. QueerTransEnby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,708
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    My bf and I had not seen each other in over two and a half weeks until this past Friday, and we slept together and he went home on Saturday. He cancelled on me a few times before this. He said that he would spend time with me throughout the whole weekend. Then, he said he had to go home yesterday(Sat.) to clean his room. I was put off.

    Prior to this, he has also drunk dialed me twice when I told him I don't wish to be in the company of him when drunk, whether in person or on the phone.

    I am not trying to put him down because he does have a good heart. We have a whole lot in common. When we are around together, we laugh at a lot of the same movies and shows. We both have a form of depression, I have generalized depression; he has bipolar. We are both on meds though and are open when we feel down.

    We have been together officially for 2 1/2 months. It bothers me sometimes when he doesn't call. I am not one to know his every move, but I don't think that is ok.

    Amazingly, he managed to have time to go to his girl friend's(just friends) house and call me from there tonight. It seems like he wants to hang out with them more than me.

    I am trying to handle this as maturely as possible, but I feel he isn't devoting enough time to me. This is my 1st relationship, and I am not sure if this is "normal" or not. We have only gone all the way once which was Friday night.

    The other thing that is difficult is that we are both bottoms. I still wanted to try topping because he is so naturally sweet and family oriented. He is fiercely loyal to family and a few friends he has. Anyways, I topped and didn't feel that aroused although I was somewhat erect. I wasn't close to orgasm. He had a dry orgasm, but I asked for a handjob to finish me off Fri. He refused. He did say though he would try topping next week.

    Are my expectations too high for our relationship? How did you know that the one you were with was "the one"? Did any of you have relationships that started off iffy and transitioned to great?

    Sorry for this not being so organized.
     
  2. robclem21

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    Unless your boyfriend is 12, I would say that this is a really lame excuse and I think it is totally within your rights to expect something is not right here. I would be very irritated at that as well especially given the fact you had waited a long time to see him.

    Hard to say here. It bothers me too a little bit when my boyfriend forgets to call me, but those times are few and far between, and always apologizes and feels bad when he forgets. He also more than makes up for that in other ways so to me, I am able to let it go. It would depend more on the nature of forgetting for me to say whether it is okay or not.

    This would piss me off more than anything else you have posted here. After doing this a few times, I would probably become very standoffish, lose my trust in him, and begin to question the relationship. Are you making the same effort though that you want from him? If he is out to them maybe consider spending time with him and his friends as a sort of compromise. Why couldn't you go with him when he had to clean his room? Making the effort is a two way street. If you offer to accommodate him a little and he turns it down, well then thats a whole 'nother red flag. However, after bailing from your house really early I would be very upset had he not made the effort to see me more and make up for it. I think you are totally within your rights here to be upset.

    I don't think your expectations are too high, but before deciding it isn't worth it, take a moment to realize that everyone is different. Relationships are all about give and take and if this is something that you can put up with to have the rest of him, well that's something you need to think about. If not, then I don't think anyone could fault you for ending it and starting over with someone else. 2.5 months isn't that long of a time. You are still getting to know each other and sometimes we learn things that we don't like. Forcing a relationship is the worst thing to do when the things we don't like affect our happiness a lot.

    Almost all of my relationships that started off with the other person being distant like this didn't change. Either he isn't as into you as he claims or it is just his personality. If it's his personality, he probably won't like being confronted about it. My boyfriend and I spend every second together that we can. Obviously there are times where we have individual plans with friends and family, but in between those we are practically inseparable. So I can't understand him wanting to leave to "clean his room" for example (or for that matter why you couldn't go with him and hangout there while he cleans?). He may change a bit after u mention it, but I think a 180 turnaround is unlikely. You just need to decide if its something you can learn to adjust to and be okay with or not. If not, then you will have to make some tougher choices. Sorry if this isn't what u wanted to here.
     
  3. QueerTransEnby

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,708
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks for your feedback. He just aggravates me with some things. What is a proper balance between spending time with your bf and your friends?

    Can anyone else provide more input?
     
  4. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    Hi! I am in no way qualified to give advice or anything but just my two cents...


    I feel like he is not devoting enough time for you. He's had really bad excuses and rather spent some time with his friends than spending it with you.

    And no, your expectations are not high. I think you do deserve what you want and I'm sure you're trying to understand him the best you could but I think he needs to know that you are upset about how it feels like he's not giving you his 100 percent.

    I know relationships isn't all about "us" time, but the hardest part is gauging how much is enough alone time.

    Maybe you should address this to him. I think that's the best for now. I've a bipolar friend and I find it difficult sometimes to make the right approach to her, so I really can't say much.

    Best of luck, though. :slight_smile:
     
  5. nohalos

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    Hi! I am in no way qualified to give advice or anything but just my two cents...


    I feel like he is not devoting enough time for you. He's had really bad excuses and rather spent some time with his friends than spending it with you.

    And no, your expectations are not high. I think you do deserve what you want and I'm sure you're trying to understand him the best you could but I think he needs to know that you are upset about how it feels like he's not giving you his 100 percent.

    I know relationships isn't all about "us" time, but the hardest part is gauging how much is enough alone time.

    Maybe you should address this to him. I think that's the best for now. I've a bipolar friend and I find it difficult sometimes to make the right approach to her, so I really can't say much.

    Best of luck, though. :slight_smile:
     
  6. robclem21

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    I don't think there is any hard and fast rules for this. It could vary by relationship and even by the individual person. Some people like more alone time or require more time with their friends to keep those relationships going. For example, my boyfriend likes to see his friends 2-3 days a week, whereas I could go 2-3 months without seeing mine and we have the same type of relationship. When he is with his friends I go to the gym, or chill with my family, or do other things. We still manage to see each other enough in my opinion, even with different schedules around our friends.


    I think this is good advice as well. You certainly are not way off track so I don't think it would be ridiculous to mention something (in a light manner for now) to your boyfriend about how you feel. If you can't be honest with him about how you are feeling than the relationship probably isn't going to last anyway. You should always be able to be open and honest with someone you are dating, particularly about things that upset you. Communication is really important while you are still getting to know each other.