Parents really want me to have kids one day...

I do get a lot of comments from my mom about having a wife and having to "feed her".....

Well, there's this thing called surrogacy where you can have someone to carry your baby for you, either the egg cell's donor is the surrogate herself or another who's willing to give same-sex couples a chance to be parents. The sperm donor could be either of you (meaning you and your future partner), depending on who's sperm reaches the egg first. (I don't know if this is actually the case or who has the more "persistent" sperm.)

So, no worries about having biological children there.


Also, when you grow up and be a parent yourself, don't mind about what your parents might say. Do what makes YOU happy.


EDIT: Also, don't rush yourself to come out if you think you're not prepared of what might come. Always think of yourself first for coming out.

 

I'm still pretty young and don't have much experience with this topic but, it's still possible for you to have biological children even when you're gay. I definitely want biological children and I think a surrogate mother would probably be the best way to go. I recently read a headline on some internet news site which talked about fully biological children between same-sex couples which could be a reality by 2017. So by the time you decide to have kids it might already be normal for gay couples to have their own biological kids...who knows. For now you probably shouldn't worry about it too much. If you ever come out to your parents and they accept you their mind on this matter will probably change....this is probably one of the hardest parts for LGBT parents though so it may take time.
Hope all goes well for you.

EDIT: What noangeleither said XD

 

Hi Blakeee.

You're probably ages away from even thinking of having children, biological or otherwise. But I understand where you're coming from. I was about your age when I first started talking kids with my parents, and from the start I made it clear I wasn't sure I wanted/didn't want any. I also said I would consider adoption, and my mother told me any kid I adopted had better not call her Grandma because they wouldn't be her grandchild.

There are a few things to say here:
- FIRST: It's your decision, your life, your sperm -- and your kid that you'll have to take care of. If you're open to the idea of adoption, that's your call (and your eventual partner's), not your parents. (I feel it's important to say I have a good relationship with my parents and respect their advice, but certain decisions are mine to make.) Your parents' dreams for you are not necessarily your dreams. You wouldn't become a doctor just because they want you to, so why have a biological child just because they decided you should?
- SECOND: You have a lot of time before you. If it makes you uncomfortable, you definitely don't have to talk about not having children right now. My sibling and I are both older than you are, not in serious relationships, and definitely not thinking about children. Our parents deal with it. But if you do want to discuss it, then please do.
- THIRD: You're not out to them. That probably makes discussing the topic a little less straightforward, because they might not get why you feel so strongly about it. That's okay, too -- try to see it from their perspective, and try not to get angry.
- FOURTH: Even if you end up in a long-term/forever relationship with another guy, you can still have a biological child if that's important to you (not just your parents). (Surrogacy is legal in some US states, isn't it?)

Hope that helps

 

The best way to deal with it is to not take on the responsibility of fulfilling their desire to have a biological grandson. If you do have a biological child to carry on the family name, then great, if not then they will be responsible for having to deal with their feelings. When you were born there was no agreement made between you and your parents that you would follow through with having a biological grandson. If they choose to be butt-hurt about it in the future, they will have to deal with it on their own. They are certainly putting a lot of expectations on you to fulfill their hopes and wishes. If having biological grandchildren is something that is super important to them, they could have planned to have more children.

If you stay strong and let them know you will consider all your options (being a parent, not being a parent, have your own children, adopt children, etc) and eventually they may stop romanticizing about all this. My parents used to talk a little bit about me doing all those traditional things- although they might not have felt so strongly as your parents do. Now they know I am gay and I have a different plan most likely with my life and they are fine with it, they deal (*hug*)

 

RAMEN to that!

The number of times I've thought to myself hang on, I'm the one who's supposed to be the junior side of this parent-child relationship. Why are they the ones behaving like whiny brats? In my personal situation the pieces of the puzzle are all slowly coming together, as I realise just how young my own parents were when they met each other, how they never had to cope with years of single life in their "prime" 20s or 30s, and how they had so much more mental freedom to check things off on their bucket list without getting stuck at an earlier checkpoint. Unlike me, they weren't being consumed by an oppressive genetic imperative to date -- that part of their lives was already being constantly satisfied, allowing them to build on top of it.

And now it's like they've got some special variety of Tourette syndrome where the pressure to blurt out "I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!" builds up like a sneeze. Now that I have a bit less contact with them, I'm beginning to see just how god-damn FUSSY they are. It's like it has always been that way, like a more sophisticated version of "I WANT! I WANT! I WANT!" going in the reverse direction from parent to child. And after spending so much time raising and "moulding" us into something more perfect, it seems like they're terrified of losing control.

I'm happy I got that off my chest! You're not alone! If they're stating out loud that they want grandchildren, you can be sure that they're scared they might not get any.